April 26, 2013

A Letter to the Guy Holding up the “You Deserve Rape” Sign at a Student Rally in Arizona.

“I think that girls that dress and act like it,” Saxton told the Daily Wildcat, “they should realize that they do have partial responsibility, because I believe that they’re pretty much asking for it.”

“Brother” Dean Saxton, University of Arizona student (and the author of the “You Deserve Rape” sign)

To the student holding up the “You Deserve Rape” sign at a Sexual Assault Awareness Rally in Arizona:

Yes, you—right there.

You wanted this attention, so “man up” and listen well.

I get it, you’re one of ‘those guys’ trying so desperately to effect an impact—to get a few more views to your feeble twitter feed, and to shine a little light on your envenomated brain. You think you know firmly your view of this world—but my dear, I assure you that you know nothing of the roots of this kind of violence.

You don’t know the first thing about being a victim and the many nights we lay awake in our beds questioning the value of our own human spirit.

You don’t how many times I asked myself this very same question, wondering why did this man punch me in my face.

You don’t know the first thing about the horror of our own memories—that carefully replay each scene over and over again in our minds.

There is no rest for a victim of domestic violence or rape or assault; we become prisoners in a place very few ever break free from.

For me, domestic violence became my own prison but thankfully, someone came to help rescue me.

They didn’t do it with words intended to incite—rather, they freed me by offering compassion. And yet, you stand there in judgement and holding this sign–certain that all of us victims are ‘partially responsible.’

You don’t know the first thing about the inside inner workings of a real victim’s heart strings—and you have no idea the true ‘impact’ that your misinformed thoughts bring.

Do you want to know the true cause of this violence?

I don’t think anyone can ever really answer this question—but I think you are wrong in assuming that violence is born from the blood of the victim.

In closing, I offer you peace and compassion and pray that you may someday realize the limitations of your own life’s understanding.

The world’s a little more complicated than those few words on that sign.

Also, I pray that you’re not ever the ‘victim.’


A victim.



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Ed: Bryonie Wise



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