Reclaiming the Garden of Our Sexual Soul.

Via Wendy Strgar
on Apr 26, 2013
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“The soul of sweet delight can never be defiled.”  ~ William Blake

We all have a sexual soul, or more accurately, a piece of our soul is reflected deeply in our sexuality. This sexual space that inhabits the deepest recesses of our consciousness is one of the most meaningful ways that we know ourselves, and, as the Bible suggests, is truly a garden. Yet, the metaphor of our sexuality as a garden is, in fact, way more mysterious than the simple judgments attached to taking a bite of an apple. Heeding the inner calls to explore and attend your unique garden of sexual delights is a direct route to self-discovery, self-expression and arguably, the essence of our soul’s ability to keep our life pro-creatively inspired.

Each of our senses as William Blake suggests are windows to the soul, as well as opportunities to awaken libido. Whether it is the scent of a freshly opened peony, or the velvet brush of lamb’s ear on the cheek, our senses offer us visceral gateways to experiencing the pleasures of the body.  What kind of garden does your sexual soul inhabit? This is a worthy metaphor to entertain, because it will offer clear indications of your comfort level and curiosity about your sexual self.

Are you drawn to the highly manicured gardens often surrounding public buildings, or consider the mazes of sharp shrubbery that surround palace walls? Or perhaps your garden is a field of wild flowers with no clear borders except a meandering river. For many of us, the gardens we keep in our backyards offer meaningful clues into our deeper relationship we keep within the garden of our sexuality.

The language of our sexual gardens is fantasy.

This is how the mind weaves a texture that incorporates the many sensory windows of the body into a wholeness that either invites us deeper into or shuts us out of our capacity for orgasmic pleasure. This is the terrain of our inner lives that nourishes our capacity for risk, passion and connects us most intensely to our life force. When we are erotically shut down and the language of our fantasies is met with repression, fear and shame, we are left only with the ability to judge sexuality—which not only distances us from the people we want to be most intimate with, but more tragically with our own ability to feel. Relationships that hit a dead end emotionally have also likely been stalled in that space physically. There is no shutting off the sexual soul without draining our joy for life.

Curiosity and wonder are the two necessary companions for a walk into our wilds.

Listening for the language of your sexual fantasies requires only your full attention. Just as in the work of tending a garden—we learn to notice the relationships between things, not limiting our focus to our preferences because as any experienced gardener will tell you, to create a thriving ecosystem, it is not about having our way, it is about seeing how it is. This is the truth about your sexual fantasy life as well. Trust that its brilliance has taken all of the most erotically charged sensations your body has recorded over time and turned them into a reliable invitation to your own deepest desires. Water the garden of your sexual soul with your attention, feed the soil of your desires with curiosity and allow the winds of your mind to pollinate the mystery freely.  Voila, the path to orgasm is organic.


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Ed: Kate Bartolotta


About Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family. In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy, she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice. It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." The book is available on ebook, as well as in paperback online. Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


One Response to “Reclaiming the Garden of Our Sexual Soul.”

  1. Terra says:

    For many years I worked In a garden centre in a wealthy neighbourhood. Many people would request/demand plants that kept their leaves and flowered all year, no mess of falling leaves that needed attention and always beautiful. These plants had to grow fast and tall to keep the wandering eyes of neighbours from seeing into the yard. I always wondered what were these people so scared and concerned about, what were they so desperate to hide?
    They were horrified to the point of being manically phobic of revealing themselves to others and even more so, seeing the beauty of themselves as a naked tree, flowers spent with a mess of leaves around their feet.