April 9, 2013

What To Do When A Relationship Makes You Cry.

Have you ever cried your eyes out over your ex? What about cried your eyes out while you were still in the relationship?

Yesterday, a reader wrote to me about her realization that her ex made her cry more than he made her smile.

Then, she told me that he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t take him back. Why, if she’s still in love with him (which she is), why they can’t just get back together and “work things out.”

Let’s go through this scenario, shall we?

You’re in a relationship with someone that you love. (Adore. Crave. Dream about. Share bodily fluids with. Want to spend the rest of your life with.)

Yet, all you do is cry your eyes out because he doesn’t give you what you want. (Time. Attention. Security. Honesty. Commitment.)

You tell him what you want and what you’re willing to give him in return, yet all your needs are unmet and your satisfaction with the relationship decreases with each passing day.

Finally, a bolt of lightening hits you across your frowning face, waking you up to this very harsh reality.

You leave. Leaving behind the lack of attention and security and honesty and commitment that makes you miserable each and every day. You decide that being true to yourself and your needs trumps your desire to spend the rest of your life with someone who can’t give you what you deserve. (Nor deserves what you have to give.)

Yet, still, you cry. (Often times uncontrollably.) You cry for the love that is lost, the dreams that were once shared, and the life you thought was most certainly laid out before you along a yellow brick road.

To top it all off, you’re still in love with your ex, and long to be back in his arms.

So, what to do? Do you go back? Do you compromise your wants and needs in order to be with this man you can’t seem to fall out of love with?

Before you decide to go back, ask yourself these questions:

If you’re willing to forgo your needs (Time. Attention. Security. Honesty. Commitment.) then what does that say about your own self-worth?

If you go back into a relationship that doesn’t give you what you want, does that mean you don’t believe you’re worthy of anything more?

Spend time instead deciding what you’re worth and what you truly deserve. (Time. Attention. Security. Honesty. Commitment.)

And, just because you may not have had these things in the past, doesn’t mean you never will. You just have to decide to have them moving forward—and that you’re unwilling to compromise your self-worth ever again.

Your relationship is a reflection of your self-worth. It’s also a reflection of what you believe you deserve.

If your ex (or the next hottie who wants a piece of your heart) is not willing or capable of giving these things to you, walk away. For good.

Make this commitment to yourself and your future relationships will raise you up instead of bring you down.

Which, my badass friend, is where you belong.

See you at the top.

P.S. Do you know your own self worth? Click here to learn how to increase it and love yourself so much it hurts.



Bonus! If you’re struggling with self-worth, this can help:

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Ed: Bryonie Wise



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