The Bravest, Sexiest Thing You Can Do in an Uncomfortable Moment. ~ Garrison Cohen

Via elephant journal
on May 19, 2013
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Ever notice how most people tend to run from uncomfortable moments, especially in relationships?

The truth is that there are always going to be moments that are painful, uncomfortable or awkward. It’s just the nature of being human. However, in our effort to avoid feeling any form of emotional turmoil, confusion or upset, we unintentionally create even more of it in our relationships and for ourselves.

I want to share with you a perspective shift that really started to turn it around for me.

Several years ago I was in a relationship that was beautiful and fun and light and playful. It was great on all accounts… except for when things would get confronting or challenging. Then she would disappear for days at a time. It drove me crazy.

I could point a finger at her, but in my own ways I would run away as well by trying to be obstinately right, not considering her perspective or trying to get her to change.

One day during one of her disappearances I was driving by a fruit market and had an epiphany. I swerved my car over to the side of the road and ran inside. I needed to know something about how nature worked.

I had a question about peaches.

I entered the store, found a peach, walked over to the first person I saw wearing a green apron and demanded an explanation. “Listen, most people like peaches because they enjoy the juicy, sweet, refreshing exterior and then when they come to the pit they simply throw it away. But doesn’t nature have a different perspective? We think the fruit is what it’s all about, but through nature’s eyes isn’t it pretty much all about the pit?”

The clerk was a college-looking student with dreadlocks and a thin beard. He looked at me for a long moment, taken aback my question. Then he simply said, “The pit is the source of life, dude.”

“Yeah,” I said, “that’s what I was thinkin’.”

So check it out. We all enjoy the juicy, crunchy, sweet, refreshing, moist, delicious exterior of fruit, and then when we finally come to the pit we throw it away.

The majority of the time we see it as worthless. That’s why you hear old sayings like, “Oh man, this is the pits.”

In relationships we all enjoy the fun, light, playful, juicy exterior of knowing someone. And then when we come to a breakdown (the pit) we want to throw it away, ignore it, treat it as worthless. The majority of the time we see “the pit” of relationship as a waste of our time, not what we want, not fun anymore.

I believe we’re missing the point.

Just as the pit is the source of life for the fruit, breakdowns are the source of life for the relationship. Not just your relationship with him or her—but your relationship with everything and everyone, including yourself.

If we run from the breakdowns, we simply stay on the surface where we can only have light, fun experiences. When we allow ourselves to really experience the breakdowns, we start to see the core of who we really are. This can feel scary and vulnerable and yet, only by embracing the source of life can we continue to grow.

More often than not it is in the breakdown (the pit) that we find access to more life.

peach pit
Via Baby Brezza on Pinterest

Nature is intelligent. Fruit is designed to be sweet and tasty because it attracts animals (us included) who eat them and carry them far from the tree and either drop them or poop them out and the seeds or pits go into the ground and grow new trees. This is nature’s doing. Nature is drawing us in so that we can help it to procreate.

Also, by our nature we are drawn to relationships because of the sweetness we naturally crave to experience. But that is just what draws us in. Just as the fruit draws us in to forward its own procreation, relationships draw us in by their own sweetness so that we will come to the pit, experience breakdowns, discover ourselves and be forced to evolve… just as nature does. Crazy, huh?

*Side note: In truth, to say “just as nature does” is kind of a silly because it implies that we are separate from nature. We’re not. We are nature.

So the point behind all of this is that there is no use in resisting it. Breakdowns are designed to happen. They are meant to happen for the purpose of our own evolution. So let them come, celebrate them, cherish them and let them be a source of life. Welcome them, instead of letting them be a source of destruction, stagnation or de-evolution by resisting them.

So how do you do this? It’s simple. Just don’t resist it. Let yourself be in “the pits.” The less you resist it the quicker you get to the feeling of being alive.

This isn’t just for your romantic relationships. It’s for every relationship you have with everything and everyone in your life. Your work, your health, your family, your friends, your self. Any place where you could find yourself “in the pits” is a place that is a potential source of greater connection to life.

However, in our romantic relationships we have the opportunity to go on that journey together in a way that massively accelerates our own personal evolution. That is why relationships that choose to run toward the source of life instead of away from it are far richer and enjoy far more fruits than others.

Consider doing an experiment for yourself by simply having an awareness around cherishing and nourishing the pit when it arises in your relating.

It is the source of all the fruit you’ll ever want.


How to delight in eachother:

garrison cohen

Garrison Cohen, former co-founder of AuthenticWorld Media, has spoken at over 250 colleges (as far away as Singapore) for audiences of up to 2,500. He is an award winning filmmaker, speaker, writer and honorary member of the Society of Leadership & Success, which hosts speakers such as Patch Adams & Jack Canfield. In addition to his work in education and entertainment, Garrison has been a voice in the field of transformational media for men & women teaching them to discover, embody and relate with the world as their most solid, sexy and authentic selves.

For information on his personal coaching for life, relationship and personal empowerment for men visit him here and for women please visit him here.


Like elephant Love & Relationships on Facebook.


Ed: Caroline Scherer & Brianna Bemel

Source: Uploaded by user via Caroline on Pinterest


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83 Responses to “The Bravest, Sexiest Thing You Can Do in an Uncomfortable Moment. ~ Garrison Cohen”

  1. Nancy says:

    and when you take that huge bite out of each other don't be surprised if that pit and the rest of the fruit wants to be buried and grow in someone else's backyard.

  2. Hannah Eagle says:

    Thanks Garrison. Nice Metaphor. One ingredient you might consider is changing how you talk about this in your head. ReSpeak from makes dealing with our pits so much more "fruitful". In ReSpeak you own all of your feelings, replace the word "it" with "I", and talk about what your feeling in present tense. So 1) "It drove me crazy" would become "I drive myself crazy". 2) "And then when we come to a breakdown (the pit) we want to throw it away, ignore it, treat it as worthless." would become "And then when I break myself down, I come to the pit of me, I want to throw myself away, ignore myself, treat myself as worthless." 3) "Just don’t resist it. Let yourself be in “the pits.” The less you resist it the quicker you get to the feeling of being alive." becomes, "Just don't resist myself Let myself be in "the pits". The less I resist myself the quicker i will get to the feeling myself alive."

  3. That's fantastic. Thanks Hannah. Responsible pit exploration.

  4. Kiyomi says:

    LOVED this. Beautiful, beautiful and such a great lesson to life. We are ALL attracted to the sweetness of life and always pull away when it gets sour. It's those times of difficulties where there are great lessons and the times where we grow. Thank you for this!

  5. Kathryn says:

    Excellent perspective that clearly resonates with many of us! The comments that followed were also valuable! I have always thought that when we allow a relationship the time to develop, we each will finally see the real person behind the exterior…for me there are stages…the first 6 months, then the 2 year mark…then the pit appears. I’ve been guilty of both unwisely proceeding forward in order to change the pit and from unwisely withdrawing, instead of seeing clearly that we all must be brave enough to reveal our pits, and love ourselves anyway, and hopefully connect with another who is willing to do the same. The outer sweetness is merely the “invitation” to the center. Will we say yes to the journey?

  6. Yogahound says:

    Sadly having only recently stepped out of the shadows after a heartbreaking divorce I can look back and see that our relationship fell apart because we always avoided the ‘pits’. We never argued, we never broke down and as a result we no longer understood each other. The life in the relationship died because along with not expressing all the so-called bad feelings, the good feelings couldn’t be wholly expressed. You cannot have light without darkness. Thanks for sharing.

  7. ronna26 says:

    love it. thank you.

  8. XX_cromosom type says:

    -nice thoughts, but you forgot to mention the pit is a child,- the source of life, dude 😉

  9. tommy says:

    Great article. Sonya is also correct, the phrase in the pits originally referred to the hard life of those who mined the earth- coal mines, copper pits, etc. It was later used as a slang term for the stage of severe heroin addiction when the addicts veins had mostly collapsed, and the last places to inject were between the toes or in the armpits and apparently the pits were the most painful last resort do get a fix.

    Doesn’t change the great points this article makes but the article definitely reads differently when you know the history of the phrase.

  10. Faye says:

    Thanks very much for this, although I think the phrase 'this is the pits' refers to mining pits….

  11. slsimms says:

    This was a dope article. Simple and timely. Thank you for writing this.

  12. Bojana Stojkov says:

    Thank you for this metaphor! I'm sure I'll use it. I too believe that you heal quicker and grow from the experience if you embrace the pit 🙂

  13. Fiona says:

    Awesome article, thanks Garrison!

  14. Great article – thanks for the insights!

  15. The pit (pip in OZ) to me is the source & the beginning of a new life… A new start.

    eg.. New relationships..or a new challenge where a dying relationship has been given a chance to transcend or evolve into a new growth of awakened spirits knowing and accepting the challenges that arise by noticing and embracing the pit as an opportunity to be planted or sowed.

    We are the farmers of the heart, many seeds and windows of our pastures are harvested to greet ourselves through every changing season. ..

    So dont become a stone of resistance.

    Be a pit for life!!

    -vlad x

  16. Amy says:

    Well written. I am a pit. When I was about 7 years old, my father showed me how to grow a peach tree from a pit. We weren't sure it was going to work. It took years, but we were able to harvest peaches from the tree that was grown from a pit. Pits are new beginnings…true.

  17. Jon Lemke says:

    This is interesting, but trite and overly simplistic. Turns out the guy who wrote it also sells $300 DVDs to guys to help them impress women and get laid. It also looks some negative comments have been curated out… be careful, this may not be genuine!

  18. Judy says:

    Life is just a bowl of cherries…or peaches… 🙂

  19. Heidi says:

    Mr. Cohen, I truly needed this nibble today. Thank you for this perspective !!

  20. Sandra says:

    True, sounds great and something to aspire to – being in the pits with enough strength to open your eyes and take a look around. But usually when I'm afraid I'm closing my eyes and hanging on! Maybe that's the thing to allow for, the fear and recognizing that that's "par for the course" not necessarily a red flag but an opportunity to take good care of ourselves and our loved ones. Nice – thanks for the inspiration.

  21. Ryan says:

    This came to me at just the right time. Thank you, Garrison!

  22. L. Morgenstern says:

    You're like an ultra-positive version of Soren Kierkegaard.

  23. joseph says:

    Horribly off-putting title but an enlightening read, thankyou very much for sharing

  24. Shannon says:

    This is a well-written, illuminating, and pleasing allegory. To me, it encapsulates epigentics, love vs fear, and the conscious vs subconscious, all in one succinct peach pit.

    Bruce Lipton marries science and the spirit in his rendition of the “Honeymoon Effect”. When we first fall in love, we are living consciously; we are so excited and filled with ecstasy that we are being mindful, cherishing the moment, and making conscious decisions. This is when we are pulled into one another and fall in love with our conscious selves, delicious smells, tasty juices, with our beautiful design, our perfect peaches. The meeting of the pit, to me, represents the meeting of one another’s unconscious mind taking over as we slide away from those human beings into human doings. This is where we are forced to face the other and their imperfect programming, and (more importantly) face ourselves. We have to discover the subconscious traits we took on as children through the other. These need to be faced in order to evolve our spirits.

    The appearance of our food is part of natures grand design. Carrots boast beta carotene and look like the human iris, walnuts gift omega-3 fatty acids and look like the human brain. From heart-healthy, antioxidant-rich, four-chambered tomatoes to ginger, a nausea-busting stomach look-a-like, the list goes on. Oysters, an uncanny rendition of the vagina, are rich in zinc, which boosts male sperm count and libido.

    Let’s entertain the idea that the vibrant color of the peach heralds a meaningful coincidence. Red, yellow, and orange are the colors of the lower chakras. According to Caroline Myss in her revelatory book Anatomy of the Spirit, the chakras are developed from the root upward, throughout our lives. The development of our first three chakras coincides with the development of subconscious programming during our younger years; from birth to puberty. According to Myss, the root chakra is the tribal chakra, the realization that all is one. As she further explains, moving through to the second chakra shifts us to the power of choosing our own relationships and honoring one another. The third chakra brings us to personal power, as we shift again; from how we relate to others to how we relate to, understand, and honor ourselves.

    In the fourth chakra we realize the power of love. We grow up and develop our own, chosen family, and we are gifted the ability to be raw; to look through those lower chakras again, forming new ideas, beliefs, and ways of being, first as lovers and possibly again as procreators. As we become more conscious, more teachers appear.

    The peach pit begs us to breakdown in order to grow up. Joseph Campbell wisely instructed, “follow your bliss”….but first I will “be in the pits”!

    In Gratitude,


  25. Carleen says:

    Then I use that pit to grow a lemon tree and you're set for life! Wuh-la!!

  26. Lisa Groves says:

    This is beautiful!

  27. mbueller says:

    I'd heard years ago that the expression came from herione addicts. After years of shooting us, veins collapse. Addicts have to resort to shooting up in less and less comfortable spots. One last reaort spots is your arm pits. Hense, to be in the pits is to be so go e you have to shoot up in your arm pits.

  28. Erin says:

    This is one of the best things I have ever come across. Thank you so much for your inspiration and the simplicity of the way you have explained the beauty of life. Thank you again!

  29. Michelle says:

    Yes, agreed, excellent insight here for people who are conditioned by sterile societies to believe in the fairy tale rather than the reality…that there should never be dark only light . But how did your insight help you to resolve the problem of the girl always running off when things got dark? Or was that behaviour the ‘pit’ you had to learn to accept and simply wait for her return? How did you resolve that breakdown in communication or did you just move on to a new relationship with someone more understanding of the lows in relationships?

  30. Antoinette says:

    I am interested to know after your epiphany about “The Peach Pit” did your lady return and how did you handle the situation for the reason she dissappeared.
    Curious? Although your finding is beautiful and makes total sense, I am more interested in the outcome of how you got to that point and how you used your tool of discovered knowledge to your own. Could you please share?

  31. sandy says:

    I really enjoyed your article, fascinating, i love the produce clerk’s answer. I had to pause at the part where you distinguish what an animal goes to the fruit for, and what a human goes to the fruit/relationship for. your analogy is spot on, I do think that humans go to the fruit to procreate as well. maybe we are drawn for both? I’d love to hear your opinion.

  32. Terri says:

    Resistance is futile. Real and authentic love for some one has to come from having the courage to dig deeper, to say 'the words' instead of swallowing them, to show vulnerability, to be willing and ready to participate in honest dialogue with an open heart and an open mind. Easy for me to say…I find vulnerability beautiful and I'm an open book, always have been!
    Loved the article…perfect timing…just wrote in my journal about this very same thing.
    xoxo t.

  33. Beetroot of Destiny says:

    Haha, wow, this article found me at just the right time.

    I was recently in a very similar predicament. It got me thinking about people's attitudes to authenticity. So many people claim to WANT to get in touch with their true selves; their spirit; their core. ( Their "pit"!). And yet they expect to be able to do it without any uncomfortable, awkward, or confronting moments. Uh…good luck with that!

    Authenticity requires brutally honest introspection. This is not easy. It doesn't always look pretty, elegant, or cool. But if we are too worried about that, then ego wins, and we will never go beyond the surface in our relationships or experiences.

    Both light and dark need to be embraced. They each allow the other to exist. There can be no peach without a pit, and no pit without a peach!

    P.s. A recent run of elephant related synchronicities led me to this site! AND twice this evening have I seen- on separate blogs too – super relevant links to different elephant journal articles. Thanks, elephants!