May 22, 2013

This is Why You Didn’t Get a Second Date.

We’ve all been there…

Butterflies and all that jazz that start to happen when we meet someone special.

We go out, we make out, and maybe we do something else too…and then we wait. Ugh.

The damn waiting we do for these darn men!

We wait and we wait and we wait (hopefully) and by that I mean hopefully you aren’t pursuing him with phone calls and emails and other “chasing” type behavior.

If you are, stop immediately.

You are going against the grain of male/female attraction…read this blog for more information on that subject.


We wait and we wait and we wait. And then nothing. Nada, zip, zilch—absolutely nothing comes our way except a big pile of disappointment when we aren’t swept off our feet like we thought for sure we would be.

So, what gives?

Well I have some answers for you.

I was talking to my good friend and she was telling me about these seminars that she goes to which are full of men.

And in one of the seminars she was in recently, the men were surveyed (several hundred of them) on what keeps them from asking a women out on another date—even when things have been going quite well.

It turns out that most every man in the room was in total agreement that there are a few reasons why women don’t get asked out on another date. One important one.

Have you made this number one mistake before? (I know I have!)

The number one reason women don’t get asked out on a second date is: because we’re too bossy and we override suggestions.

Now, my friend didn’t go into the reasons why these men said that being too bossy and overriding suggestions turns them off to the point of not wanting another date…

…but I’ve been thinkingI have some advice from not just my own dating life, but from my years of relationship study and working with private clients that has given me amazing insight on understanding men.

Here’s why this response doesn’t come as a bit of a surprise to me: men don’t like being told what to do. (Neither do we, but for different reasons.)

Men don’t like being told what to do because it offends their “manhood”—that masculine quality about them that makes them want to be your hero, your “Mr. Fix-it” and your masterful provider.

Imagine this scenario:

A man asks you out and already has the night lined up. He’s picking you up at eight, and he’s taking you to this great little Italian restaurant that he’s been to before and just knows you’re going to love.

But when he calls to confirm, you tell him that you don’t want him to pick you up, you’d rather meet him at the restaurant and you really aren’t in the mood for Italian…you’d rather have Thai.

Without knowing it, you’ve essentially offended his ability to provide for you, take care of your needs, and do something special for you.

You’ve offended his masculine energy, the very energy that wants to succeed, wants to win you over, and wants to impress you, too.

Your date has taken special care to think of and plan something special for you and instead of welcoming his gifts of thoughtful planning and consideration, you shoot down his thoughtful idea, taking with it his pride and manly ability to provide for you.

We women do this all time and don’t even realize it!

We “tell” our men what to do—even when we think what we’re saying is just a “suggestion.”

We must remember that men wear different ears than women—they actually have different brains in their head, different ways of seeing and feeling and acting and thinking.

The list goes on and on and on.

So, when a man makes a plan, appreciate what he’s offering. He’s operating from the very core of his being, from a place that is wildly passionate about providing, finding solutions and taking care of the most important people in his life.

And don’t you want to ultimately be one of the most important people in his life?

Of course you do.



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Ed: Bryonie Wise


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