5 Ways To Pleasure Yourself.

Via Rebecca Lammersen
on Jun 25, 2013
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Rob Boehle via Pinterest
Rob Boehle via Pinterest

I’ve now written 40 articles for elephant journal.

Every one of my pieces is a window into my life, into the darkness, the lightness—the life I have lived.

I’ve spoken of my disorders, molestation, sex, relationships and divorce. Some may perceive my articles as ‘airing dirty laundry.’ I believe I share my life openly, transparently without shame, in order to help others know they are not alone in their thoughts, feelings or actions. Knowing we are not alone is the catalyst for growth, healing and transformation.

On the eve before my 34th birthday, I’m spending time reflecting on my life and the past year. My goal for the year to come is to continue shedding all the thoughts and conditioned beliefs that continue to hold me back.

I write this piece not only for myself, but for my daughters and all women.

My birthday wish is a wish for all of us; to stop hiding, stop feeling ashamed, and stop being embarrassed for who we are and what we want.

I give us all permission to explore our desires and our fantasies. I give us permission to claim what is our birthright—pleasure.

I do not want my daughters to own an ounce of guilt for expressing their sexuality, no matter how it manifests itself. I hope they freely explore their bodies, own their bodies, live in their bodies, enjoy their bodies and embrace all realms of giving and receiving pleasure.

I don’t want them to suffer like I have. It has taken almost 34 years for me to accept who dwells in me—a lioness who I have tamed and locked away for so long, because she scared me. I felt like a closet slut for years, until I recognized I’m no slut—I am an explosively passionate woman with a wild imagination and voracious desire for happiness and pleasure.

In my 34th year of life, I will release her completely because she deserves to live and breathe in the open, free of judgment—my judgment. She tries to ooze from my mind, my body and my heart every day and I can no longer contain her.

From adolecence to adulthood, I thought it was wrong to love sex as much as I did. I shunned my radiant imaginative desires and resisted pleasure completely. I thought it selfish, almost narcissistic to seek pleasure and attain a blissful state.

I searched in the wrong places—outside myself,  in a sexual encounter with someone I didn’t know very well or in validation from people around me. I didn’t think I deserved to feel good. I was afraid of intimacy with myself, of allowing my needs to be acknowledged and fulfilled.

I hid within my sexual experiences instead of participating in. I withheld pleasure from myself, from my life. I felt guilty for masturbating or fulfilling my fantasies. 

As I mature, I recognize the most important part of life, the gift of life is our ability to feel pleasure, to know pleasure.

God built me with the character I have, the thoughts, the desires, the body and the spirit I am meant to have in this life. I don’t need to cover up or be anyone else. Instead of trying to change, be something else–something more holy or more pure, I am meant to thrive and function as myself.

I give myself and all of us permission to stop avoiding who we are and give in to what gives us pleasure regardless of what society deems acceptable or unacceptable.

This year has gifted me–I didn’t know making love with myself had the power to usher me into a nest of self acceptance. It has transformed my ability to trust and be intimate with another person, to receive pleasure–which I never had before.

I didn’t know that the simple act of giving myself permission to feel good would change my life.

Here is my gift of permission for you:

1. Tease Yourself, Seduce Yourself—Get Naked Under Your Clothes.

I don’t wear underwear, unless (for sanitary reasons) I wear a short skirt which is a rare occurrence. I have a dresser drawer full of Hanky Pankys in a rainbow of colors that sit unharnessed to my pelvis. Why? Because it’s sexy to not wear them. I love being exposed. I am ready for pleasure at any moment. I enjoy teasing myself, seducing myself all day long.

At night, I wear a sheer slip to bed. The tingling sensation of the fabric on my skin gives me goosebumps. I love the way my nipples break through the veil of cloth. I stand in front of the mirror and I appreciate (not judge) the beauty of my body through the cloud of cotton. I separate from myself, admiring the person who stands before me yearning to be discovered, uncovered and explored.

I sleep naked—a lot. I recommend spending time every day naked. It’s a little uncomfortable at first. We are used to being naked between clothing changes, showering or having sex. What about just being naked? Enjoying the freedom of no restraints.

The first thing my daughters do when they walk in at the end of the day is strip down to nothing. They run around, do somersaults, dance. They are more comfortable naked than dressed.

When we are naked, we can’t hide—being vulnerable is vital to becoming comfortable with ourselves. Only when we are comfortable with ourselves can we be comfortable with another.

2. Act Like An Animal, Once in Awhile.

Animals are naked in every way; they don’t have manners, they don’t have clothes. They eat without utensils. They get dirty. They mate when they need to and want to, no matter who is watching.

Try being an animal once in a while.

Eat with your hands, eat foods that explode with juice allow them to coat your body and don’t rub it away. Get messy.

Allow yourself to go primal. If you have a partner, grab them and devour them as you did your food and if you are alone, devour yourself; in the middle of the living room, with the shades open, let the light in and please yourself.

3. Give In To Your Dark Side.

Give in to your desires. Your secret fantasies. Give in to your dark side. Who cares what “people” say is appropriate. If you desire it, explore it.

I enjoy watching pornography (well-executed pornography, that is).

I get turned on by watching and listening to people pleasuring each other.

I become fully invested in the experience. I pay attention to my mind and body as they respond to the stimulation. I melt into it,  and before long I find myself caressing my own body as if it were another craving me, wanting me. My flaws no longer exist, I am perfect, I am all pleasure. It is ok, more than ok to love pleasure, and watching others giving and receiving it.

4. Do it in Front of a Mirror.

I used to avoid the act of masturbation. I would listen to the urge, do it and be done. I avoided what it looked like, what I looked like and how it felt. Now, I make as much of an effort to embrace the experience during my self pleasure as I do when making love with a partner.

I use toys or just my hands, depending on my mood.

I think it is important to build a partnership with my vagina. I know her, I know how she responds, what she looks like—I am connected with her.

I get down on the floor, in front of the mirror, and I look into myself. I watch as my face changes as I become aroused and how my body reacts in climax. It is nourishing to watch myself receive pleasure.

My advice is to make masturbation a sacred practice. Practice getting turned on by, you. Grab your breasts, rake your hands down your stomach. Make love with yourself because until we can make love with ourselves, be comfortable alone, we can’t be comfortable with anyone else.

5. Write It and Read It.

Write your fantasies, write your experiences, keep typing, don’t stop, don’t think about it. Just write and then, read what you write. Read it out loud.

Our spirit lives in our words. She exposes herself within the punctuation. There is no right or wrong. If you like bondage, give into it—it is how your spirit wishes to express herself.

Just as we are all unique, different, so are our desires. We all have something we fight against, that we stuff down because we think it is wrong to want what we want. It is not.

Give in to yourself. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure you crave.

Pleasure brings us as close to our spirit as we will ever be.

Look at the children of the world– they are pleasure seekers, pleasure dwellers and they are the happiest, purest beings on the planet. They do what feels good and right for themselves. They don’t care if it is socially acceptable–they listen to their hearts and their needs.

As we age to adulthood, sexual pleasure is and can be the most profound way to connect with ourselves. Pleasuring ourselves first, understanding our needs and wants must happen before we can receive pleasure from or give pleasure to another.

Once we connect and accept our desires, we accept who we are as we are.

By Rebecca Lammersen

Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.

Ed: Bryonie Wise




About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, an intimate, boutique style yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to swim. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. For daily inspirations, check out Rebecca's website. Visit her yoga studio website and peruse her articles at The Huffington Post. You can also find her on Facebook. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!


68 Responses to “5 Ways To Pleasure Yourself.”

  1. Sherry says:

    Life is about pleasure! All of those things you mentioned are so much more enjoyable when a person is satisfied and their energy is at full tilt. The enlightened self is also a sexual self. Burying it under good deeds and discipline is helpful to no one. Love yourself first and you will have so much more to give others.

  2. auroraeclipse says:

    I couldn't read this without crying. Hearing someone talk about their body in such an unrestrictive way makes me almost panic with self-consciousness and fear.
    I wish everyone could see their bodies the way you see yours.

  3. tessa says:

    Great read….and good to see in print. Always on the look out for ways to re-align the chakras

  4. auroraeclipse says:

    I couldn't read this without crying. Hearing someone talk about their body in such an unrestrictive way makes me almost panic with self-consciousness and fear.

  5. Michael says:

    One of the things that I am both gleefully mystified and yet more than delighted about in the 'new world' we all live in ( I suspect, strongly, that a good deal of the liberation behind this came form the internet and its unregulated access to porn and erotica, etc) is that women are finally being allowed to become sexual and sensual beings! As a very lusty and playful, sensual man, this is very good news… And Rebecca writes about it with an naked intimacy that makes it hard not to want to call her up and say 'what are you doing tonight…and tomorrow night…and after that?…".. because she is exceptional and evocative at using her words to 'turn us on'. IT works. Believe me.
    This new freedom seems in a way, to put men, with their historically blind and immature sexualized and conquering selves ( I admit it can be embarrassing to be a guy when you see how pathetic men are around their sexuality-its very penis/cock shot/ how big am I/what will it take for YOU to get ME off/ kinda thing. you know?– leaving women in the dust even now-but at least women are stepping up to the play plate and demanding orgasms, saying (for some) "I want to be tied up" without risking being ostracized. etc etc etc ), a bit more on the same page as modern women. Womens desires are finally making their way into the bedroom, in other worlds, and not relegated to the old "sex as procreation only, and for men only, really" realms. And why not: sex is supposed to be fun, playful, lusty yummy, messy, dirty, and yet all in good fun in the end: not the old "women shouldn't even have orgasm, its all about the man, wham bam thank you ma'am…" etc STUFF!
    Boy am I glad that women want me to make sure they have an orgasm-I love it so much I can't stop, it seems; its great being even a 40+ year old (and single-but thats part of the 'freedom' we have now) guy these days. Thanks, Rebecca..
    What I mean from all this is: thank God (or Eve) that women (especially, its about time!) and men are both being allowed to enjoy and explore their inherent sensuality and sexuality, yes even the kinkier sides of us all: exploring like never before both inside and outside of marriage, etc. And why not? Lets play…be safe, be sane…but lets play.. 🙂

  6. Jen: what part of your sexuality has been shunned all these years, and by who? I am a modern guy very open minded, very sexual/sensual/…yet I grew up in a sexually abusive family, sadly, but came out healthy and strong sexually ( I like to think, anyhow!)…so: where have you been suppressed and shunned? how? Not allowed or given the time to have your own orgasms? Never been able to explore your deeper and perhaps darker (if theres is such a thing, lol) fantasies? Been made fun of or left behind, etc, when you did express those deeper desires… ?
    And better yet: where and exactly how, have you been liberated? Be open, honest, like I know you are going to be:-)
    We all await…your liberation…with anticipation, lust, and…playfulness…!

  7. David:
    I don't know how it it possible to 'lose' anything' including kundalina energy, after an orgasm. If fact as a, from what I have heard, rather rare multi-orgasmic man (with 3- 7 orgasms in a 2-3 hour session as the norm, while she went on to have as many as 9)… I rarely not feel depleted at all and in fact as the energy builds between myself and my lover in these sessions, in many ways the energy intensifies, a profound sense of completion, not depletion, occurs…and I am ecstatic that my body can give and receive, so dang much pleasure, Thank God!! And so I get even closer to a spiritual and sensual high instead…
    Therefore, I am not completely understanding this 'loss of energy you speak about…it sounds almost like a way that ones psyche has been tainted to believe that orgasms (for men, anyhow) are about, in a sense, self pleasure, not mutual, and therefore are an act of selfishness…and of course when you are supposedly 'making love' to a woman (yes even in a one night stand, I submit, this can be done, and SHOULD BE): that your kundalini depletion is because of underlying guilt, shame, self absorbedness, etc: not giving, loving, and therefore: freedom!!
    Its just a guess… but to me, sex should be liberating, enhancing, about expansion, not depletion, shutting down, staying 'in control' (which always backfires, of course)..
    Ya know?

  8. Angil Pari says:

    Yes you share right think. i like your article. nice post

  9. Kneeling Woman says:

    A bravely written and well-crafted article. You’re spot on with your closing statement -“Once we connect and accept our desires, we accept who we are as we are.”

  10. Morgan says:

    I love this!! Such honesty, and so true! Wish I had read it years ago.

  11. Morgan says:

    Brave and honest – yes, it can time to work through these internalised taboos in one’s self… i am inspired by your article and your wish to pass on a natural, un-shamed relationship with sexuality, to your daughters, as a mother myself. My experience of some spiritual traditions is that sexuality is seen as a distraction from the ‘true path’, which led me astray for a while – and sometimes I’ve felt a sense of shame put on me by men for having a strong sexual appetite. There is a definitely a stereotype that it’s only men that are expected to be very sexual. At the age of 34 (nearly 35) I am also learning to embrace who I am 🙂

  12. Joanna says:

    We are a culture sophisticated in the art of fucking, but we don't have a clue how to love. Maybe if we learned to love first the sexual expression of that would be even more exquisite…

  13. Donna says:

    I Love this article!!

  14. Cj. says:

    Scientific and wider-peer research will validate the point David was making. Dopamine levels are highly depleted after orgasm for men.. there is a huge mental shift in motivation and mental clarity at this point. Think of Dopamine as the drive and reward chemical. Also why many men feel tired after sex, some even falling asleep. Your multi-orgasmic abilities are not common.
    I whole-heartedly agree with David.

  15. simplysolitary says:

    lovely, you've touched many

  16. Toussaint says:

    Beautiful article…the truth is strength.

  17. Lexie says:

    :((( i wish i coukd strip at end if day but my mom would never let me and it would be weird

  18. gfem says:

    the vast majority of pornography features an unrealistic world, promotes misogyny, women are often abusing substances, do some form of prostitution as well, etc. its not a pretty world. In a way I have always felt it is taken advantage of women exploiting themselves, or being part of that exploitation, what can be healthy for the soul about that? surely there were some forms of pornography at one time, before the explosion of nastiness of the internet that were alright…..but current internet pornography is a twisted, sick world (speaking MAJORITY of, the vast majority) young boys are learnign about sex through this twisted world, young girls are exposed to this hypersexualization in the media, etc. i agree with lots int eh article, but there is a lot of UNHEALTHY stuff going on

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