Over the years, I have found myself feeling very incongruent between what I’m feeling on the inside and what I express verbally.
I have watched a progression of sorts that has repeated itself over the months in a similar manner each time, and now, with a new found awareness around it, and definite action taken within it, I can write about it from a much different platform.
Historically, for fear-based reasons (fear of not being met emotionally, fear of being ‘too much,’ fear of seeming too intense, etc.), I would have unmet needs that never got noticed. This would get expressed through passive aggression, frustration with others, annoyance, shame on myself, and guilt over not speaking up. I chose very consciously to not bring anything to the table, and convinced myself that my needs weren’t noteworthy.
For years, there was a disconnect. I didn’t really know who I was, I couldn’t pinpoint the fears around why I wouldn’t speak up, and I wasn’t interested enough to inspect it further than that.
Relationships, whether romantic or not, will suffer if there isn’t effective communication. The other person actually won’t know how I’m feeling if I don’t express it. The expectation for me to have them know what I’m feeling without me having to say, and expecting things to change naturally over time, is unfair.
An important exercise in this life to implement is to realize the power of effective communication. Over the past few months, I have taken this on full force.
From now on, in both friendship and romance, when I am feeling any kind of emotion, I voice it. This will facilitate open and clear communication and will allow the other person and me to coexist more fluidly together.
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Ed: B. Bemel