July 30, 2013

If You Never Voice It, No One Will Know.

Over the years, I have found myself feeling very incongruent between what I’m feeling on the inside and what I express verbally.

I have watched a progression of sorts that has repeated itself over the months in a similar manner each time, and now, with a new found awareness around it, and definite action taken within it, I can write about it from a much different platform.

Historically, for fear-based reasons (fear of not being met emotionally, fear of being ‘too much,’ fear of seeming too intense, etc.), I would have unmet needs that never got noticed. This would get expressed through passive aggression, frustration with others, annoyance, shame on myself, and guilt over not speaking up. I chose very consciously to not bring anything to the table, and convinced myself that my needs weren’t noteworthy.

For years, there was a disconnect. I didn’t really know who I was, I couldn’t pinpoint the fears around why I wouldn’t speak up, and I wasn’t interested enough to inspect it further than that.

Relationships, whether romantic or not, will suffer if there isn’t effective communication. The other person actually won’t know how I’m feeling if I don’t express it. The expectation for me to have them know what I’m feeling without me having to say, and expecting things to change naturally over time, is unfair.

An important exercise in this life to implement is to realize the power of effective communication. Over the past few months, I have taken this on full force.

From now on, in both friendship and romance, when I am feeling any kind of emotion, I voice it. This will facilitate open and clear communication and will allow the other person and me to coexist more fluidly together.


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Ed: B. Bemel

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Greer Van Dyck

Greer Van Dyck, M.A. appreciates the quiet of the early morning hours. Proudly representing herself as a “realistic optimist,” she thrives on challenging herself in the workplace and on the playing field. She works for a startup company called TherapySites, who specializes in providing web based solutions for mental health care practitioners and gets geeked out over riding her single speed mountain bike. The work keeps her stimulated and always tests her creative edge and business savvy.
She references the words of Kahlil Gibran often and appreciates the wisdom of his words. One of her favorite quotes is, “Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.” Game on. Providing therapeutic services in and around Boulder, CO. Please feel free to call at 706-714-6500 or email at [email protected]