November 2, 2013

Banish Your Baggage: Relationship Feng Shui. ~ Rachelle Webb {Part 1}

Summer swept through our lives seeming so quickly up here in Canada and with it the whimsical notions of sun drenched adventures and days that never end—are out.

One of the most beautiful things in the world to me, is autumn in Ontario. Everything alight with firey harvest glory and whilst springtime is typically the ubiquitous time of cleansing, detox, cleaning out closets and sweeping the dusty chambers of our consciousness. Regardless of equinox or solstice, in every seasonal shift there is always a sense that we need to also shift our internal and external environments; become mindful of any buried and/or burdening baggage, rid our universe of the things, people, circumstances which no longer serve highest level good.

Time for a good feng shui cleanse.

Those aspects of your life that are stagnant or simply sucking up valuable mindscape real estate—they gotta go. And never a better time than now, to evolve past who you were and recalibrate your reality into a vibrant and revitalized version of now. Often by the time peeps begin to feel the weight of excess baggage in their lives—it may already have caused much un-realized damage that needs repair and replenishing.

So ever-important is the necessity of being mindful of what makes up our proverbial (and literal ‘houses’)  and audit the feng shui of our soul. Assess what it is we carry around, year after year, day-to-day, to determine what needs to take a serious hike and get it the hell out of our lives.

Mindful or not, the reality is that the excess crap in our lives, looks for a place to hide. It seeks out weak spots within and without us, like a compromised immune system vulnerable to disease—the clutter and the baggage finds a way to cling. This comes in many forms, unhealthy relationships, excess material nonsense that overflows our homes, obsessive thought-loops that fester anxiety and blockages, old love letters, photos, clothes that no longer fit, the shit that we own, very much ends up owning us—and the relationships we keep define our character.

So in the overall picture of optimal wellness it is essential to sit with yourself, take stock of your universe, and formulate a plan to feng shui it into alignment.

For me there is a strategy and a methodology that helps to cultivate balance and shed the shit that no longer serves; a finely tuned skill-set incorporating the concept of feng shui; inspired by the principles of that ancient system of order that allows for optimal flow of energy within the world(s) we live in. I’ve curated my own ‘cleansing’ which is an interpretation for detox and re-order.

I have applied sacred logic to the lay of the land within, and in my ‘house’ it is more than simple (re)placement or symbolic (re)decoration, but a dynamic way of rebirthing, re-organizing and replenishing all that composes my existence. (disclaimer: those whom are serious into the system of feng shui, consider some of this conceptual, bound to no pre-conception, held to no expectation except a theoretical inspiration for which to plot thriving.)

Relationship feng shui:

Having a deep seated desire to live a minimalist life, carries with it the need to continuously be consciously choosing the hows, whos and whys, and prioritizing both the expending of energy and the space I allot for all ‘things’ in my world. The most sticky of all shui  is the art of human relationship. The most difficult things to release, re-calibrate or re-constitute, are the relationships: the people we know, the love that we give and the emotional connections that contribute to the vast woven quilt of our very being itself.

Sometimes the relationships are living, breathing people and sometimes it’s relationship to self—how we relate to our emotions or connect to past situations. Indeed sometimes this baggage is about all about healing the memory. Recalibrating our connection to source, by ridding residual ‘shit.’

Understanding the intricate dynamics of connection and relation is something that has required the highest level of practice, sensitivity, courage and confidence. All of my life, I have been a magnet for emotional vampires. I’ve been an enabler to addicts and a co-dependant to destruction.

I witnessed more turmoil and cut more people off  by the time I was 20, than most do in a lifetime on earth. And from my own history book of perceived errors, I have a lot to offer to those who are unsure how to proceed in this aspect of the cleanse.

I’ve been in relationships that have been riddled with abuse, relationships where I gave past the point of exhaustion. Those relationships that mirrored my own masochism and fear, relationships that went on for years after their best before date, that in themselves bred so many levels and layers of compartmentalized suffering and life-blocking baggage.

Sometimes I lost myself, forgot the essence of real love, the feeling and the understanding of what a healthy connection felt like. I lost the perspective of what a healthy universe looked like.

But the massive growth that took place within even as I smothered it by hoarding hurt and fostering the wrong things, and appeasing the beast that created destruction, was un-rivalled. Without the dark days and the repressed emotional injury and the buried baggage within me I would need to unearth, I never would have stepped into the light of understanding, with real wisdom to share.

For me, those dark days are gone and though the work never ends, I have fought long and hard for the wisdom I have earned as related to relationship release and detox.

As related to relationships cleansing is a delicate circumstance but like all the other ’stuff’ it is essentially the same. It requires forgiveness and release and an ultimate understanding of why it festered and blocked up and why you buried and carried, it. And once that perspective becomes evident it becomes easy to leave behind.

We are taught that relationships are a lot of work and that notion is true, however we are not taught through societal representation and historical documentation the right time to give up and say goodbye. Assessing this is something so deeply personal, dependant on a plethora of perceptions working to achieve the same goal.

The ultimate health and value of a relationship can mean the difference between a thriving life, and a life repressed and drowning in excess.

Execution is everything:

Sometimes I face the shit head on by straight-up telling peeps they are getting the boot. Sometimes in certain situations it is more important to simply allow the gentle release of people who no longer fit into the larger picture wellbeing of your world than to strive to repair any damage or disorder.

Over the last 12 months or so, I have released more people than ever in a shorter time-span—many of them former clients whom were no longer mirroring integrity that I demand in my relationships, or whom were moving away from a system of values that complemented my own.

This portion of my feng shui system is never easy as it involves the emotions of others coupled with much courage to admit to yourself the failure that comes with accepting the truth. If the circumstance is toxic it can shapeshift and hide and appear incognito under the guise of goodwill.

There is no solid system for determining how and when is the right time to release. However when one endeavours to do so, I would offer the same advice as I adhere to in my own journey.  That is to make both objective and subjective determinations based on whether this relationship, at its core and essence, inspires us to be a better person.

Do our core values align? Do we share the same ideals, ethics, philosophies, beliefs and both adhere to them? Does our connection kindle the fire of self mastery to ascend? Does it provide good energy ‘behind your back’  (good ‘backing’ in traditional fen shui is defined by strong, supportive, protective energy) or is the backing bad—blocked with sha chi and riddled with negative chatter?

Is it false loyalty and ‘poison arrows’ or sharp right-angled corners that deceive, deflect our good intentions and deplete our vital forces? Do we offer the same level of love and selfless giving that is required of any truly healthy connection? Do we spend more time arguing or ‘working on the relationship’ than we do enjoying one another’s presence? Does that presence fill us with light or with darkness?

Are we truly in each other’s corner? And is our ‘relationship corner’ brightly lit with unconditional support, or is it riddled with mirrors reflecting negative aspects of self? Does this relationship leave us feeling as if we are truly kindred and not only understood but honoured for our unique and wonderful ways? What is the single most important reason to foster that connection?

Is it Selfish? Selfless? Suffersome? These are some of the things I would advise to consider when tackling the task of ’people’ on a detox plan.

The main reason peeps do end up carrying alot of physical baggage is inextricably linked with emotional suffering. Incidents of pain and heartbreak can create a space within us that we then will seek to fill with much useless shit.

Indeed there are many people in this world who have fundamental emptiness, and not emptiness as related to enlightenment but emptiness as related to ‘lack.’ However that is a personal challenge and not always one that is triggered by relationships, the emptiness of lack is one born of confusion and an error in understanding of what the meaning of true wealth is—it’s more one of a sad state of self-deprecation, ignorance or pride.

As for me, I value emptiness: raw space to simply be. It’s point zero for all things and wherein all things align.

Banishing Baggage:

Turning emotional baggage into literal baggage is an easy feat for those who are unsure how to heal. Consumer-driven culture sponsors retail therapy, and we donate to its cause. Marketing pits us against ourselves in the battle to align—to become conscious and develop the conscience that will drive us to a minimal life: where simplicity is the only ethos and breathing is wisest guide.

All of this is the very reason you see television programs such as ‘hoarders,’ endless solutions for storage space and a host of programming that celebrates getting more of it. To stockpile shit and clog your chi and develop advanced compulsions around the concept of ‘more,’ is a sickness that sees peeps making millions in the business of ‘organization.’

And props to them for taking on the challenge to guide others in the difficult task of freeing themselves; while not all peeps are so extreme obviously, we are all colourfully unique in our shades of self and suffering and each individual requires special consideration.

A carefully laid plan to tackle their own cleansing and coming up in part two, are the tips to launch your detox.

Read Part 2 here. 


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Ed: Dana Gornall


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