“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~ Anais Nin
The truth will set you free.
I wanted to write a recipe. I wanted to create a formula we can all use. I wanted to put together ingredients we all use, we all need and we all have.
And what is something we all need and want: healing.
Buddha’s first truth is we all suffer. Suffering does not have to be good or bad in and of itself though rarely do we think of suffering as fun or entertaining. But we all suffer like we all breathe. And we suffer because life is challenging and we hurt. We hurt because we as humans are imperfect and those we love hurt us and we hurt them. We hurt because our bodies don’t function as we want them to and there is illness.
We hurt because we have vulnerabilities like hope and pride that are wounded by circumstance and the players that we participate with in life. We hurt because we try, we fail, we fall down and we get up and do it all over again.
So what is my recipe for healing? I use the sweetness of forgiveness, the freshness of perspective and simple comfort.
In life, forgiveness gives the sweetness of peace. Letting go of hurt and blame frees us from the role of victim while releasing anger and resentment toward the person or persons who may have caused the hurt. Sometimes we have to forgive a situation that was beyond our control, for example, family. I am fond of saying we miss the family we never had and often in that, don’t appreciate the one we do.
Some say we choose our family, in the world of Karma and many lives. But in the world we wake up in, day and day out, the choice was not conscious. Being an adult in my mind is recognizing the situation we were born into, no matter how good or bad, and taking responsibility for how we are.
Forgiveness in my mind is the first step in healing a broken heart and a heart breaks for many reasons.
For freshness, we all need perspective and that rests in choice. We choose what windows we look out. We choose what doors we knock on. We cannot always choose what doors open and what doors close but we can choose to find more doors. We also don’t always choose to fall down but we choose to get up. We all need perspective and we all have choice.
This empowers us and helps us through the tough times. This gives us the strength to move on when we don’t think we can. And moving on and getting up are key to letting go. We cannot heal if we are holding on to our wound.
Letting go is a choice.
Comfort seems obvious, the way butter goes with bread. Yet comfort is such a personal thing so knowing what is comforting to you matters. There is comfort food. And there are times a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is what we need. For others massage is comforting and allows feelings to move. The key to comfort is comfort makes it safe to feel and to heal we must feel, everything. But we have to know when we are ready to feel what we feel and where it is safe to feel. This is all about comfort.
There are traumas so intense we cannot begin to feel them without support. It is not safe. So comfort is about feeling safe in our feelings. Comfort is giving yourself permission to do what you need to comfort yourself when hurt so you can feel and so you can heal. And as most of us know, the body holds all our feelings so finding a comfortable way to access what the body holds is essential. For many today that might be yoga and for others it might be spinning or a walk outside. The fact is, as Carolyn Myss said, our biology is our biography.
As you give yourself comfort you’ll find your feelings and meet your truth.
And as we’ve all heard, the truth will set you free. And the process of healing is life itself and living with awareness uncovers your truth.
So listen closely. Forgive. Create perspective and know you choose.
And find comfort in feeling and ways to feel that are comfortable.
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Editor: Bryonie Wise