I’m getting comfortable with uncertainty.
I’m getting comfortable in my own skin. I’m getting comfortable with my brand of courage; my brand of perseverance. I’m getting to know myself, down deep. I’m getting to know the little girl resting in my womb; the one sleeping, whispering sweet nothings into my heart’s ear, gently directing me when I’ve lost my way.
My beautiful compass; my natural navigator.
She knows. She sees. She listens and observes and blows me kisses of intuition and comfort. She lays a delicate hand on my trembling flesh when uncertainty and confusion wash over me. She breathes life into my dormant spark, always encouraging, always supporting, always nurturing the urgings and emotions that I often forget to.
She creates the waves in my inner ocean. She is the ebb and flow. She provides safe passage to the traveling stars and spirits through dimly lit canals, ushering them towards the ever-present light awaiting them.
Her eyes are the windows of my humming spirit. Her touch is the eternal healer cradled in my core. Her thoughts protect me when the ghosts come knocking, showing me there truly is nothing to fear.
Woken up like an animal
I’m all ready for healing
My mind’s lost with nightmares streaming
Woken up (kicking screaming)
Take me out of this place I’m in
Break me out of this shell-like case I’m in
Underneath the skin there’s a human
Buried deep within there’s a human
And despite everything I’m still human
She leads me when I’m lost.
She calls me when I’ve gone too far off the path. She corrects me when I succumb to my self-destructive ways. She meets me with unconditional acceptance when I drown myself in the illusion of failure.
She is my guardian angel, my fairy godmother, my spirit guide. She urges me forward when I would just assume collapse beneath the weight of everything I can’t control. She shows me the true nature of existence; the essential magic and awe and innocence that swims through us all. She reveals the connections where once I felt only isolation.
She gives me hope. She inspires my decision to breathe. To continue breathing. To carry on.
To keep going when my body and my mind and my world feel like they’re disintegrating beneath my touch…speeding away from the reach of my broken fingers.
Love hunt me down
I can’t stand to be so dead behind the eyes
And feed me, spark me up
A creature in my blood stream chews me up
So I can feel something
And she remains. She shows me the truth through the mist. She holds the lantern when my arms are too weak and riddled with pain. She sends a soft breeze against my back to propel me along, revealing images of dreams and fantasies and moments of straight joy.
I’m a flying kite in the breeze just
Restlessly seeking images a child needs to help them sleep…
She is my peace. She is my solace. She is everlasting, as am I. She is my universe, my milky way, my family of galaxies and constellations and shooting stars and meteor showers. She is my fire, my warmth, my sacred flame. She has a myriad of names and faces and forms. She is everything and nothing; she is the sense in chaos and paradox. She is the eye of the storm—the voice and glowing hue at the bottom of the bottomless well.
Let the water rise,
Let the ground crack.
Let me fall inside
lying on my back.
Dry your smoke-stung eyes,
so you can see the light.
Staring at the sky,
watching stars collide.
She is, as I am. She is me, as I am her. She is my well-spring, and I am her sun, her moon, her night sky.
She is my wisdom. She is my heart. She is the answer to questions I’ve not yet thought to ask.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: thea-bee-photography/Deviant-art Creative Commons