February 7, 2014

I’m Not Scared Anymore: How Meditation Saved My Life.


I’ve always heard the story: meditating will help calm our mind, our body, help bring inner peace and awareness.

That all sounds like gravy, but how? My mind is overactive.

I’d much rather be drinking coffee and chain chewing Nicorette for peace of mind. I can’t stand doing yoga unless the room is over 100 degrees. I’d also rather not go for a walk when I can run, hard, up a hill. Call it type A personality, call it neurotic—this is me.

August 2013, I found myself back home in Boston after two crazy years.

My marriage had ended, my life was in full-on upheaval mode. Dishes piled up in the sink, laundry was never folded, and getting out of bed at noon was standard. I needed help.

I decided that for 30 minutes each morning I would shut my eyes and listen to my breath. I decided it was okay for thoughts to fly in and out of my high speed mind. I tried to just listen. With no formal training, guidance, or crashing waves as background noise, I began to trust myself.

What happened next still amazes me.

After a couple of weeks of deep breathing, and a somewhat quiet mind, I began seeing the most beautiful, vibrant colors of purple, indigo and white—huge blobs of light bouncing, swaying and gracefully swimming back and forth, up and down. I opened my eyes to see if I was dreaming.

Had I gone crazy? Possibly.

I tried to tap into it again. Scared at first that I may be messing with something way beyond my comprehension (and I was).

I closed my eyes again and there it was, just as striking and gorgeous as before. I wasn’t scared anymore. Suddenly all my fears vanished. My forehead began vibrating and tingling, the feeling spreading all over my body from crown to toes.

I was seeing energy.

Bliss. Complete and utter bliss.

Those 30 minutes became the most harmonious and enjoyable part of my day. I have never felt such balance and happiness in my entire life. No romantic relationship, job, dog owned, money made, car owned and vacation ever compared to the pure happiness I experienced through mediation.

My 30 minutes quickly became an hour. August turned into September, and Thanksgiving was here before I knew it. I practiced vigorously.

The colors became clearer, deeper and more beautiful. My hands resting on my knees became warm and started to tingle with energy shooting up my arms and all over my body. A black oval shape began to appear in-between my eyes and sucked me into (what seemed like) another world. That’s how I met my third eye.

Now it’s mid-January and my life has changed completely.

I am more aware of my thoughts and my body. I am sharper all around and in tune with the universe. My sixth sense is insane. I see colors and hear sounds a lot better than before. I love harder, am more sensitive and feel deeper. I am new and suddenly not so lost. Overcome with a chasing feeling that I will never be lost again.

Life is still hard at times, there are bills to pay, lawyers to call, love to be lost.

Although nothing really worries me like it used to.

I know if I ever need to clear my head I can venture in to a place that is my own, like a magical fantasy story one reads as a child. I also know that there is nothing to fear.

At times it may feel like we are very tiny and meaningless in this grand universe of time, space, cosmos and galaxies-beyond-our-wildest-knowledge.

But we are not. We are infinite.


Mindfulness for Beginners: Dispelling 7 Myths of Meditation.

10 Easy Steps To Establishing a Daily Meditation Practice.

The Best Friend You Will Ever Have: Meditation.


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Assistant Editor: Laura Ashworth / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: elephant archives

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