Through tapping into rich grounded personal power, a man can elicit magnificent responsiveness in women.
Then he doesn’t really need to do much to attract women; it all comes down to the way he holds himself. He becomes a magnetic puppeteer of sorts, with women willingly volunteering themselves in surrender.
There’s always a fair bit of hugging in my client sessions.
It’s gorgeously healing in its own right of course, but it also allows me to read into a man’s energy much more deeply. Everything we’ve spoken about will come to make more sense once I’ve felt into his body through an embrace.
In a session, I will give each man feedback about the quality of energy he brings to embrace me with. As we remain in the hug and I speak to whatever it is that I feel, the new awareness allows a shift towards a stance that is much more empowered and connected. Life then unfolds differently from this core transformation that we establish in the session.
The following are some of the things I’ve come to be able to feel in the way a man connects with me.
1. Energy held primarily in the upper body.
This is an indicator of not being completely present or grounded solidly in life. These men make me think of Mr. Squiggle. It’s like they’re floating. Because they don’t really inhabit their legs and ground themselves, it can be tricky to connect deeply in the way that they really want to with others. There is often a feeling of being stuck and disempowered, of having goals and yet not being able to enjoy and celebrate them when they are achieved.
2. Stooping/leaning onto me.
Not believing in self and tending to rely too much upon others. This makes women feel like retreating as fast as possible. If a man can’t rely upon himself to stand tall and look after himself it’s going to be pretty tricky for others to feel confident to trust in him.
3. Unsteady/tipping off balance.
Similar to above, not believing in one’s personal power/purpose/direction and subsequently, their capacity to support/guide others.
4. Squeezing/clutching me to them.
Not tapping personal strength and power and feeling needy of others in order to feel something. There will also be numbness to more refined sensations. The less attuned we are to the energy of physical sensations, the more we will tend to push for stronger physical contact in order to feel something. BDSM play can often be driven from this place. Opening the body to feel more and more subtlety brings delightful sensations from the lightest of touch. Taken to the full end of the spectrum there can be incredible responses elicited at a distance with no physical contact at all.
5. Patting or slapping on the back while hugging.
A demonstration of care and affection but also fear of really dropping in to feel more of the other person’s experience. Wariness of empathizing with (or even witnessing) the feelings of another can often be a measure of hesitation to feel those same feelings in ourselves.
6. Standing rigid and unmoving.
Fearful of letting go, overly serious and responsible, feeling pressure to do the right thing. Frozen in life. Can be heavily influenced and restricted by the opinion of others. Scared stiff of doing the wrong thing and being rejected as a result.
7. Talking loudly while in an embrace.
A distraction to remain outside of the tenderness and intimacy available in the connection at hand. Attempting to drown out soft feelings that might be stirred in the heart.
8. Too sexual/sensual too soon.
Not connected with own sexual energy therefore seeking to reach for it in another. Restricted access to own sexual energy source/flow. Pleasing women without tuning into self first.
9. Whole body is limp and withheld.
I haven’t encountered this in clients who come for sessions, but I’ve come across it in life away from work. These people aren’t ready to be responded to in a loving way. They tend not to believe that they deserve to be loved.
Doesn’t happen very often with clients but it has. Often tied in with anger, desperation and a deep sense of not believing that we deserve what we really want which motivates a stealing approach to sexual interaction.
11. Connection at the heart/chest but completely disengaged at the genital center.
Difficulty bringing passionate, sexy, lustful expression into the intimacy of loving relationships. I can feel the disconnected energy of it during the full contact of a hug but it’s also easily discernable in those who lean forward in a kind of bow to be sure that they only make contact with their chest/shoulders when they hug.
12. Activated genital center, devoid of heart connection.
Opposite of the above. These men will be comfortable to approach and interact with overt sexuality but flounder with intimate expressions of loving tenderness. They will tend to have thrilling sexual encounters with women in one night stands, affairs or during paid sex for example, but fail to experience the same level of arousal and erotic adventurousness with the woman they love. Healing comes through bridging the energy between heart and genitals so that love and lust can be accessed simultaneously.
13. A tentative feeling of being on hold somehow, waiting for something.
Can indicate a deep hesitation around having permission to bring the full force of masculine power to play. There is usually a deep fear that engaging the power of masculine energy will result in losing control and becoming violently destructive, based on past actions. There will tend to be issues with anger—both repressed and expressed. Sex that happens from this withheld place can never reach real depths of satisfaction because it’s lacking in the rich power of unbridled, penetrating drive.
Whether conscious of these cues or not, we all respond to them at some level.
Undoubtedly, people who are grounded and present to strong energy in themselves have a much more solid platform to build solid relationships with others.
Anchoring these simple yet powerful changes goes a long way towards changing the way people feel about themselves and the way others respond to them. I see it as reprogramming the body so that we can hold more happiness.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Assistant Editor: Lauren Savory / Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Kate Henderson