The most important thing we need to know about sexual energy is that it isn’t just one energy—it’s two.
When Bob and Jenny first met sparks flew. They didn’t have sex until their fourth date, but when they did it was magical.
I met them shortly after their fifth anniversary. They were down to sex once a month and arguing regularly. Neither one of them knew where they went “wrong,” but they knew that they had.
They still loved each other, but their relationship and their sex was uninspired.
A few minutes conversing with them revealed that Bob wanted sex all the time according to Jenny, with Bob suggesting that Jenny didn’t ever want sex anymore.
They were both lacking sexual energy.
In fact, by the end of each busy day they had just enough energy to argue and nod off to sleep. They needed to rekindle their sexual energy soon—or else.
The more sexual energy we have in the bedroom, the better our sex will be, the more rewarding our relationships will be and the more intimacy and passion we will experience. Lots of sexual energy will also result in us and our partners being sexually satisfied.
The most important thing we need to know about sexual energy is that it isn’t just one energy; it’s two. Whether we are a man or a woman, our sexual energy is composed of both yang and yin energy.
Without the right mix of these two there is no mind-blowing, awe-inspiring sex.
Yang is the powerful male energy that drives us to get things done. It turns us on and lights our fire. It makes us want more sex.
Yin energy is gentle female energy that exists in both men and women and is soft and subtle.
Yin energy is like water, and yang energy is like fire.
When these two energies balance, our sexual energy expresses itself fully and completely.
As I have said, whether we are a man or a woman, we have both yang and yin energy. The most important thing about these two energies is keeping them in balance.
When they are out of balance, we and our partners are more likely to be at war instead of making love.
Right now it is likely that we have either more yang energy or more yin energy.
An abundance of yang energy will have us feeling powerful, full of desire and sexually driven. If, at the same time our partner isn’t experiencing the same yang energy that we are, he/she won’t be as turned on.
Imbalances, especially chronic ones, in yang and yin sexual energy between partners results in difficulties. Though we may love each other, we may not agree on how often we should have sex.
An imbalance of yin and yang energies between partners is enough to have something show up in the bedroom that never should—arguments.
Imagine that one partner wants lots of sex while the other one doesn’t want very much sex at all. This imbalance can threaten a relationship and make sex much less fun or rewarding than it might be.
This imbalance can be “fixed.”
There just isn’t anything that compares with the incredible, mind blowing sex and intimate relating which results when yang and yin energy are balanced.
Balancing Your Energy
It isn’t difficult to balance our sexual energy. We already have everything we need: we have yang and yin energy.
The first step to balancing these two is simply to focus our attention on them. Become aware that throughout our days there are times when we are energized, excited and raring to go. There are also times when we would just like to curl up and take a nap or rest.
When we are totally turned on, our yang energy is high and our yin energy is low. When we are worn out or don’t really want to do anything especially have sex, our yin energy is high and our yang energy is low.
Noticing these energy levels begins the process of balancing them.
Physicists know that observing something influences what we are observing. Energy is so subtle, so powerful and such an integral part of who we are, that observing its influences is very powerfully.
So, observation of the energy differences in both us and our partners throughout the day is the first important step to balancing our energy.
The second step is to discover how to influence the blending of yang and yin energy that is constantly taking place.
Deep Energy Balancing
While we in the West tend to ignore subtle or even large fluctuations in energy, the Chinese have known about and worked with energy balancing for thousands of years. They have discovered secrets of both well-being and sexual satisfaction based on energy management.
They know that the main location of yang energy in our bodies is our hearts. It is the most yang organ, and it is the source of our fire and drive. Our kidneys store our yin energy—holding the cooling, female water forces that balance excess yang energy.
To balance yang and yin energy and have not only the best sex of our lives, but also be able to get a whole lot done without wearing ourselves out, we need to balance the energy of our hearts and our kidneys.
Imagine an excess of fire and and too little water: quickly the water is boiled away and nothing but dry sterile heat remains. Now the opposite: an overabundance of water cools and eventually extinguishes the fire. In balance: warm, moist, steamy conditions that can be sustained for a long period.
To bring forth this balance, just close our eyes—soon we will be able to do this with our eyes open, and very quickly.
Begin by closing our eyes and focusing our attention on the area around our hearts. Let that energy be hot and fiery: powerful and driven. Do that for a few moments. Then focus our attention on our kidneys. They are on both sides of our lower back just above our hips. Imagine that around our kidneys is dark blue, cold water and loads of yin energy and life force.
Move our attention back and forth between the fire of our heart and the deep dark water of our kidneys. As we move our attention between the two, create an energetic pathway between our heart and our kidneys and between our kidneys and our heart. Let our yang/fire energy mix with our yin/water energy. Soon the result will be a full bodied sense of well-being.
For a minute or two or longer blend these two energies in our attention and our bodies.
This simple practice will not only inspire us in the bedroom, but we will live a much more balanced and rewarding life.
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Editorial Assistant: Alicia Wozniak / Editor: Renée Picard
Photo: elephant archives