What if I told you I wanted a tea? Could you do that for me?
Low fat, no fat, noooooooo lid. Can you make that taste like Christmas, too? Thank you.
Now that is what a coffee order should sound like. Christmas. In a cup. And god help the poor almost twenty-something working behind the counter if there is foam on top. That damn mystery foam ruins everything.
Not only have I been behind this flavor of hipster at my local joe-pub, I have been that hipster. Specifically, around the fall, when that certain special autumn drenched caffeinated liquid heaven rains down on every coffee shop known to man. It tastes like sex feels (no joke), but I try to keep my squeals contained—at least until I get somewhere secluded. Alone, with my beloved coffee concoction.
That makes me sound like a creepy hipster, and when it comes to coffee, I very well may be. With a tattered scarf complementing my boyfriend cardigan hung over a tee-shirt and faded skinny jeans, huge brightly colored cocktail rings adorning my wrinkly writer hands—because, of course, if you are planning to spend all day and night in a coffee shop, you write—I have walked up to many a barista, ready to create a masterpiece, unique to me.
How else would a hipster operate? I mean really!
Without being aware of how ridiculous I may sound, or how imposing I may be to those waiting behind my laptop carrying self, I indulge in whatever I want, of course for the greater good, which is necessary to point out, at full volume.
I’m oblivious that the juice so vital to me functioning on any given day both amuses and frustrates the yet-to-be caffeinated and now impatient line of folks behind me and the crafty drink creator. I would apologize, but..
But, hipsters love coffee, and the need to explain why. And for that, no apology is necessary!
This video is, in all its backwards glory, a tribute to my hipster soul mates. Drink up!
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Editor: Catherine Monkman