Women: at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to feel truly radiantly alive?
Do we not yearn to be sensuously expressed and physically held in the presence of love?
Don’t we crave the experience of being deeply met and celebrated, and blissfully merged with our true selves, with our partners, and with life?
And really—is that all too much to ask?
Do we really need to settle for mediocre sex? Is this sneaky feeling that life and sex could be a whole lot more amazing and cosmic than what we may have experienced, a complete fantasy? Is this experience something we have to seek somewhere outside of ourselves? Do we have to become ‘evolved’ tantric queens or perfect wives or skilful lovers to earn our right to what we know, deep down, we are here for—an actual, real life experience of divine union?
A revolutionary suggestion: instead of searching our external worlds to give us what we don’t have, perhaps we could reignite our relationship with our inner terrain? We could unearth our own sexual power and vitality.
The landscape of conscious feminine sexuality is a vast, pulsating, ever-changing, living, breathing territory with endless layers of feeling and dimensions of sensation. Sadly, most of us have never been offered the treasure map that helps us navigate our way to it and around it. Few women have been raised to merge their sexuality and spirituality, yet when we do, our sexual life truly becomes a doorway to our deeper self, and the experience of blissful union we naturally crave.
This sacred sensual adventure is available to you, whatever your situation may be. The following steps will guide you on your own journey, to the heart of intimacy, to bliss and back home again….
Step 1: Build your power
Before you can get intimate with anyone, you have to be intimate with yourself. Simple. We will always be dependant on other people and circumstances until we get can intimate with the power that rests in our sexual centres. Our breasts, bellies, wombs, yonis and ovaries are goldmines. They are the source, and each is a journey in itself.
There are roadmaps already activated, offered by wise cultures that knew about this power and created techniques to unlock the treasures within the feminine body.
These include Taoist sexual practices, Yoga and Tantra.
These techniques allow us to reconnect with the latent sexual potency that hides within us beneath layers of negative social conditioning, and physical and psychological wounding.
Follow your heart in exploring these practices.
Do your own research and take your time.
Be discerning about your choice of partner and teachers. Take the time to play solo and explore the energetic potential of your own body.
When your Shakti is ready, your Shiva will come!
Step 2: Be a decadent Sensual Diva
Sexuality is nothing (and no fun!) without her sister, sensuality.
She is the decoration of your sexual longing. She is Sacred Feminine expression in undulating action (YEAH! go Shakti go!). She is the foreplay of your sexual expression.
Your everyday movements are your sensual prayers.
Your body is your temple and the sensations in your body are the communications between you and spirit.
Take your sensual expression out onto the streets, into your bathtub, into your meditation and yoga practice, onto the dance floor, the health food store, the bus and the classroom.
Do what you do for the joy of it. Listen deeply to what feels natural and right and have fun with it. Keep it close to your heart, a precious secret deep in your womb. Allow it to move as it moves and it will open like a flower in your being, nourishing you and you and you (and the rest of the world too..).
Step 3: Define your territory
Equally important; is to get clear with your boundaries and set your priorities. Achieve this by developing your awareness of what feels healthy and positive, and what feels confusing and messy.
Your awareness and capacity for honest self-reflection will be your protection and your guide.
Make a habit of revising your understanding of your experience, slowly expanding the playing field if that feels right. Notice when you feel ready, and when you don’t—and honor both.
Listen to your own intuitive cues, your subtle feelings, get intimate with your ‘inner no’ and ‘inner yes’.
Step 4: Begin and end with a beginner’s mind
The first understanding must be that there is no way of getting it wrong. Let yourself off the hook from the word go by letting your sexuality be a playful exploration rather than something that must be ‘mastered’. It is not a requirement to know everything—or indeed, anything. An authentic sacred sexual experience is a multi-layered, multi-dimensional series of moments: one moment it could be painful; the next, totally blissful; and then the moment after that perhaps we are numb again.
Our job is not to create bliss but to be open to life’s authentic expression in this body in this moment now.
Make good friends with pleasure. Nurture it with the space, time and encouragement that it needs. Let it be playful and surprising; full of tears and laughter if they come to call. Let yourself be an animal; a little girl; a wise crone; a mother. Embody these different roles with joy, and openness, and acceptance.
Keep asking yourself: how do I feel now? Whatever the feeling, let it in, allow it to do what it does, express it in any way it needs. And then, in the next moment, start again.
Step 4: Create the container
Shiva (masculine presence) holds the space so Shakti (feminine life force) can dance. She can only dance if she feels safe to do so. Create the containers for expressions of divine love by nurturing your inner Shiva. Insist on the best—not a dream man (or woman) but one who feels really right, facilitates your growth and demands your authenticity.
Until he/she arrives, and after too, create the container in yourself. Embody dignity, integrity and clarity.
When your ability to be present and clear develops, invite people into your energetic field who are able to meet you as you are, in all your messy glory: people who will recognize you, honor you deeply, hold you as you fly and cry—and everything in between.
Step 5: Breathe, dance, love
Sexuality loves steady rhythm. Find your beat, move with abandon. Express your power in your movement, your voice, and your eyes. Melt into God and let it be the divine flow that moves through your limbs and flows out of your heart.
Allow yourself to be guided from somewhere beyond your mind or intellect. Trust the guidance that flows without effort and trust yourself. Be the Goddess—she is revealing herself through your body.
Let pleasure be your guide, it is the goddess whispering in you.
Listen deeply and breathe, and dance, and love.
Step 6: Expand
Our sexual experience can be a portal. It can expand our consciousness. It can blow the top off the lid we hold firmly down. It has the power to dissolve our cells into infinite bliss and merge us with all that is. The possibility and the invitation is there. Say yes by feeding your awareness to the movement of subtle energy.
Use the power of your full loving breath to awaken and activate the movement of energy through your being. You may feel called to direct the energy UP your spine, with minimal effort, and complete love.
Allow yourself to open naturally like the flower you are—blossom, expand, and you will give out a sweet fragrance that will brighten this world.
Step 7: Come back.
The body does not lie, if we get lost, it will bring us back home. Again and again, come back to what is alive, right now. Surrender once again to the mystery, letting go of the idea that you need to be a sexually ‘perfect’ being. Rest in what is, without analysis or judgement. The more you rest in the heart of things, the less you need to leave, the more space will be there to hold you.
So there they are: seven steps to creating a sacred space within your own body and experiencing the bliss that is your birthright.
Reclaiming your sacred sexuality and expressing your sensuality is a simple and potent way of inviting incredible magic and beauty and succulence into your daily life. It begins with having the willingness to listen within and deeply honoring what you feel. It really is that simple.
The world needs more deeply satisfied, sacredly succulent and authentically expressed women! So go forth and do your thang, if for no one else but you.
Say yes to your unbridled sacred sensual blossoming and let it be a delicious offering that lightens up this crazy world.
Jai ma! (praise to The Sacred Feminine)
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Apprentice Editor: Kimby Maxson / Editor: Renée Picard