Mindful Masturbation: 5 Tips to Create a Self-Pleasure Practice.

Via Rensselear Resch
on May 24, 2014
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beautiful agony orgasm sex

Yes, I just put the words mindful and masturbation in the same sentence.

Personally I prefer the term “self-pleasure” because the etymology of the word masturbation refers to defiling oneself with one’s hands.*

By self-pleasure, I mean using any and all of your embodiment faculties—touch, movement, sound, breath and any sensory organ—for the purpose of bringing pleasure to yourself. Self-pleasure can include touching the genitals and other erogenous parts of the body, but it doesn’t have to.

As a somatic sex educator, I teach my clients to engage their full humanness and bodies through embodiment practices combining pleasure and mindfulness; to express and access their erotic intelligence. Our erotic intelligence informs our wild or generative nature, and supports our ability to be embodied.

This is the part of us that lets us know we’re creative beings; that we’re animals; that we’re alive!

Being embodied and accessing and expressing our wildness, or erotic nature, is made potent by also engaging in mindfulness practice. Mindfulness practice is one of the most powerful therapeutic and educational modalities we possess.

Researchers and neuroscientists have been studying the affects of mindfulness and its benefits for several decades. In one article,** researchers suggest a definition of mindfulness that incorporates attention and awareness with acceptance.

Daniel Siegel, a neuroscientist studying mindfulness practices, claims that “With mindfulness practice, we may become more nonjudgmental, develop equanimity, be more aware of what is going on as it is happening, and develop the capacity to label and describe with words our internal world.” (The Mindful Therapist, p. 31)

Neuroscientists have also suggested that mindfulness may be cultivated through practices other than meditation.***

This is where mindful masturbation comes in. Being fully present during masturbation, or self-pleasure practice, can be very beneficial for the practitioner.

Not only does it cultivate more awareness of what is happening during arousal, but it also creates more acceptance for our bodies and our sexuality.

Another benefit is that self-pleasuring is a practice that combines mindfulness with embodiment. Not only does it feel good, but it also benefits our whole being and our well being.

Mindful masturbation helps the practitioner feel the body more, often leading to more mental clarity and feeling more grounded. The practice also helps cultivate self-love, which leads to greater confidence.

Mental clarity, groundedness and confidence are key ingredients to knowing what we want and how to go after it.

When we bring more mindfulness into the body, we can be more present in all that we do.

Mindful masturbation is a wonderful way to bring together the generative energy of the body (embodiment) with the brilliance of our mind/awareness (mindfulness).

Here are some tips for starting your own practice (or refining an existing one):

1. Create an intention each time you practice.

The combination of placement of attention and the focus of an intention are fundamental pieces for creating mindfulness practice. Example intentions might be “I am fully present to sensations in my body;” “I welcome all parts of myself, including my sexual, generative energy;” “My practice is about noticing my sensations, feelings and thoughts, while remaining goalless.”

2. Set a timer for an amount of time that is realistic for you.

This may be five minutes. Ideally, your practice might be somewhere between 20 and 45 minutes, but start with five if that’s all you’ve got.

3. Find a location and environment that is conducive to you feeling pleasure and relaxation.

This may be difficult if you have a hard time finding alone time in your home or schedule. Even five minutes in the shower can work. If you have a partner, ideally you could ask your partner for time alone in your bedroom. This practice will likely benefit your sex life and connection with your partner(s).

4. Commit to practicing over a period of time to reap greater benefit.

Like any mindfulness practice or meditation, the benefits are cumulative and have a greater impact the longer you practice. You can start small with three 20-minute practices a week for two weeks and build your commitment from there.

5. Mix up your practice each time so that it does not become habitual or mundane.

Part of what keeps our interest and awareness is variety and paying attention to that variety.

When we form habits, we start to know what to expect, making it easier for us to go on auto-pilot and check out. Use your breath, sound, touch and movement to create a different practice each time. Sometimes you may be laying down, others standing, and others dancing or all of the above. Sometimes breathe fast; others slow and deep. Experiment with sound—moans, grunts, screams, “dirty” talk, or affirmations.

If you always touch yourself the same way, try new types of touch in new places on your body. If you always masturbate using a sex toy or vibrator, try some practices without those or vice versa. Dress in sexy clothes and have fun taking them off like you might with a lover. Engage your curiosity to help your practice remain mindful and fun!

6. Savor your practice.

A key aspect of this practice is savoring. Take time to feel your body after the practice; to deeply feel the sensations you’ve created—pleasure, relaxation, arousal, etc.

Use the last five to ten minutes of your practice (or one minute if you’re doing a five minute practice) to lay, sit or stand in stillness and just breath deep and savor what you’ve created in your body (similar to savasana in a yoga class).

Notice what’s different in your body/mind from when you started the practice. It’s very common for this practice to start as “doing” and to end in “being.”

Recall your intention for your practice. Don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t follow your intention or if you got distracted a lot. Simply recalling it creates the opportunity for you to place your attention on your intention once again.

7. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.

Like other mindfulness practices, this can be difficult. You may be flooded with thoughts, distractions, and resistance. Just notice that and keep coming back to the practice and yourself.

This is why it is called practice and not perfection.

And remember to create pleasure during your practice!

~

* Online Dictionary.

** Bishop et al., Clin Psychol Sci Prac 11: 230–241, 2004

*** Brown and Ryan, Clin Psychol Sci Prac 11: 242–248, 2004

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About Rensselear Resch

Rensselear Resch, MS, CSB is a Sexological Educator and Coach in private practice in Boulder, CO and Co-Founder of the Magnificent Lover Course for men. You can reach her by email.

 

Comments

7 Responses to “Mindful Masturbation: 5 Tips to Create a Self-Pleasure Practice.”

  1. Peter says:

    This is refreshing. I love your article and Elephant's edgy leadership in hosting a conversation in this territory. Part of what I love is that it has me discovering and navigating an inner conflict I didn't know I had. I want to hear more about this from you and your readers.

    I get that this is about paradigm shift. But, so many people – therapists, religious leaders and "experts" – frame masturbation as a hedonistic, desensitizing and escapist practice. Is there a shadow side to this? I've been struggling with masturbation for years. Does associating masturbation and mindfulness rationalize a slippery slope into a dangerous addiction?

  2. Ren Usha says:

    Thank you Peter. This conversation IS refreshing! Yes, this most definitely is about paradigm shift. This is about creating a practice that is all about embodied pleasure while bringing in awareness. Often we’re taught from a very young age that we shouldn’t go after pleasure – that it’s dangerous or that it’s limited or that seeking pleasure will negatively impact others. This can be true when activities become habitual and addictive.

    I think about an addiction as being something that I must have no matter the consequences and as something that ultimately creates more suffering in my life, not something that serves me or brings me benefits like more connection to myself and/or others. For example, loosing a job or friends because of an addiction to feeling high most of the time, or on a milder side – feeling sad and alone most of the time because of spending all spare time watching TV or playing video games and feeling checked out.

    The cultivation of a mindful self-pleasure practice is ultimately about bringing more benefit and more love to yourself. For example, benefits could be greater capacity to feel sensation in the body and therefore more pleasure, or greater ability to ask for what you want – in your sexual relationships and beyond, and so on.

    I’m not sure what your struggle with masturbation is, but rest assured that you are not alone. A lot of my clients have struggled with masturbation. The struggle is often around the use of pornography, checking out, not being able to orgasm or orgasming/ejaculating too quickly or not being able to maintain an erection, and for many – shame. Many of us are told not to masturbate and so we either follow that advice and don’t learn much about our sexuality or pleasure, which often negatively impacts the types of sexual relationships we have, or we learn to masturbate in a secretive and quick way that often leads to habits and routines that create disembodiment and potentially addiction.

    Bringing mindfulness into a self-pleasure practice can ease or prevent addictive behaviors through the use of intention and attention. With these tools we can cultivate practices that bring more pleasure and more service (rather than harm) to our bodies, our relationships, and our lives.

    Thank you for your comment. I would love to hear from others how their practice of self-pleasure has evolved and what lessons it’s gifted you.

  3. This is the kind of meditation I can get into! Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. 🙂

  4. @TheARK2031 says:

    Does masturbation waste energy ? (for males)

  5. Ren Usha says:

    I'm not certain, but I am assuming you're referring to ejaculation during masturbation? There are different philosophies about energy and ejaculation (especially for males) and limiting ejaculation to conserve energy and chi. I am not an expert in that question medically but I have heard of some cases where males who dramatically limit their ejaculation over long periods of time have experienced health issues, including cancer.

    That said, it is a great idea to experiment with masturbation (or any form of sex) without ejaculation or climax or goals for any gender to see what kind of experience you have. See tip #5 about mixing your practice up. You can also create self-pleasure practices that are nourishing, down-regulating (calm the nervous system) and rejuvenate you if you feel like you're loosing energy during your practice. For example, for some people that might look like laying on your bed naked touching yourself all over, including your genitals in really soothing ways without an intention to climax or ejaculate. Allow yourself to experiment to find the types of self-pleasure practice that feel good to you.

  6. @TheARK2031 says:

    Thank you for the info..
    limiting ejaculation causes issues make sense as our systems created to ejaculate..
    I will try and practice this..sounds sensual and rejuvenating.

  7. Kguest says:

    Just came across this and wanted to say thank you for putting it out here. I've been keeping up a mindfullness practice this year and recently have come across OMing. As a male, I am trying to see what types of conscious practices I can incorporate to work through some mental ed issues from porn and anxiety as well as shame. Masturbation and sometimes sex is a place that I checkout and go unconscious easily. Much of what you said in the comments about asking for the things we want, shame, and maintaining of erection resonates with me as things that need to be explored through practices like this that promote conscious awareness openness and acceptance. Thanks for what you being into the world.

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