A few weeks ago, I saw a photo of Gary Player.
That image served as a time machine that took me back to the 90s when I worked for Gary Player Golf selling golf clubs over the phone. Or, in my case, having people hang up on me, listening to widows/widowers lamenting the loss of their husband/wife, and the woes of others. I worked there for three months and never sold one club.
The manager was a friend of my older sister and kept me on. After 90+ days I couldn’t handle the tedium of being hung up on anymore and thankfully got a job elsewhere. I was completely cool with being the worst sales person on the floor.
The fact, that I sucked and it didn’t bother me came back when I saw this image.
Which ironically, took me to the workshop I experienced at the Yoga Journal Conference in New York with Ana Forrest.
When she told us to go into the head to ankle, roadkill, and reincarnation poses, I knew I would suck. I attempted to do Head to Ankle. I kept venturing forth with it, and continued to suck. I then thought:
I am perfectly okay with this.
It is not a life skill I need. I was comfortable at sucking once again. I was in awe, amazed and impressed by the few others that were really able to pull it off. By the time we got to the head to ankle portion of the workshop the women on either side of me rolled up their mats and left. I stayed, comfortable in my suckage.
I see a lot of things that are amazing in yoga that I truly suck at. The things that are not possible with my body shape—short stature, and short limbs are the things I can let go of.
What I love/hate, is a pose that I know I can do, if I am just a bit more compassionate with myself, have a bit more patience.
The pose that has the potential of having me curl up in a ball of frustration—those are the poses I refuse to suck at. Those are the poses that allow me to be a phoenix ascending from the ashes of my ego. When I actually let go, then I achieve.
I have discovered that the more I suck at something, or have the willingness to suck the more I find where my natural and hard earned gifts reside.
We can suck, and it is perfectly okay to embrace our imperfections.
It’s okay to walk away from something that doesn’t serve us.
It’s okay to face ego death in a difficult pose or difficult situation. If you find yourself letting go of something that you really want because you fear sucking, I encourage you to move through.
Be comfortable in the frustrated feelings, knowing that the break through is around the corner if we practice self-compassion and patience.
Here is a bit of wisdom from performance artist, Marina Abramović,
“I understood that I only learn from things I don’t like. If you do things you like, you just do the same shit. You always fall in love with the wrong guy. Because there’s no change. It’s easy to do thing you like. But the, the thing is, when you’re afraid of something, face it, go for it. You become a better human being.”
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Apprentice Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock / Editor: Catherine Monkman