The 3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil. {Adult}

Via Anna Jorgensen
on Jun 8, 2014
get elephant's newsletter

oil sex46 benefits of coconut oil

Relephant Bonus:

Coconut Oil Pulling Detox.

Green is Sexy.

I admit I can talk about/write about/think about relationship-related topics until the cows come home.

Only thing is, most of the cows are already home in their industrialized farm pens and haven’t roamed anywhere.

Sex sells, baby. That’s the bottom line.

So how the hell do we make the field-roaming-happy-cows-animal-rights-save-the-planet-stand-up-for-equality-say-no-to-war-say-no-to-corporate-corruption-actually-important news sexy?

The reality is we are all guilty of succumbing to titillation. We are human, but still we are animals. Even the do-gooders.

I was going to write a blog about how to get greener for the no-time-for-it no-gooders, but most people are more interested in, “How to Make a Man Fall in Love in Six Words,” or, “How to Survive a Relationship Crash and Burn”, or, “How to Have the Best Orgasm”, so now I’m combining what the world needs to read with what the world wants to read.

Don’t worry, I’ll get to the naughty bits, this isn’t a bait and switch…

But first, why it’s important to care about the Earth. Forgive me, I know we’re all here for the juicy stuff.

Top Three Reasons to Practice Going Green for Those Who Don’t Give a Shit About Going Green. (Why preach to the choir, right?)

1. Green saves greenbacks.

That’s right, going all earth-friendly saves us our hard-earned gluten-free dough. How? Okay, a few quick examples.

  • Animal protein and packaged products are more expensive than going octo/ovo/pesco vegetarian or vegan. Yeah, even if we’re buying all organic. I’ve tried it both ways (naughty innuendo inserted to keep my end of the bargain: titillating reading), and I know first hand that switching from Sally Hog to quinoa and couscous is simply less expensive.
  • Also, from-scratch is also healthier, tastier and hello—way sexier! Man or woman mixing it up in the kitchen with raw, earthy, wholesome goodness gets my motor running. But how does this save money? Healthier equals lower medical associated costs. (And he’ll get extra cardio *wink* by impressing me with his culinary skills.)
  • If we don’t insist on sustainable, earth-friendly resourcing, we are all going to be paying big corporations through the nose for the water we use to wash our smug faces with. And everything else.

2. Getting green leads to getting laid. That may be a stretch, but bear (bare?) with me. Eco-consciousness shows heart and compassion for something greater than the self. Not sure about anyone else, but in my book Selfish ≠ Sexy. No way around this. If a guy knows how his actions affect the world we are leaving to future generations and simply doesn’t give a shit—not cool. Ignorance is one thing—a difficult flag to wave nowadays—but a flat out, “who f’in cares” attitudes spells, “No, thanks dude,” from me. And not to put too fine a point on it, but who would most people rather “hang” with: the yoga hottie vegan or the hamburger hound at Rotten Ronnie’s? (Hey, I’m just asking the questions here. Yeah, I realize I’m not making friends. Sometimes, advocacy requires sacrifice.)

3. Greening up our lives gets us out of the red and into feeling pink, as in, we realize we don’t need so many needful things. Not only does this additionally save us money and flip the bird at big business, but it also frees us from attachment and that never ending jonesing to catch up with the Joneses.When we care about not adding more damage to the Earth, we subtract the drive of our ego. We are content without unnecessary things and can focus instead on contributing in ways that add actual value to our lives and to others’ as well. Giving, helping, loving. Making love is environmentally friendly and costs nothing. Which brings me to…

The 3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil:

  1. Masturbate. You betcha. There it is. Hope the read was worth the wait.
  2. Massage my lover—if I had one. (Self-explanatory.)
  3. Mention it in a naughty context to entice readers to click on this post, but for a good (green) cause, of course.

Hope this was at least entertaining and perhaps a bit educating if not titillating.

Be sexy, vote (green) with your dollar!
Bonus: tips to Enlighten your Sex Life:

Relephant Links (provided by the author):

Get Sexy: Support green companies like these.

Robert Redford: Still damn sexy, here’s why.

Ready to make some small changes? Here’s 15 to choose from. I love you for adding any of them. And I thank you.

Relephant:

Oil Cleansing: How to Have Amazingly Clear & Radiant Skin. 

The Benefits of Coconut Oil. {Infographic & Video}

Bonus!

Coconut oil may be sexy, but our tea bags aren’t:

 

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

 

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Mohan Babu/Pixoto

Facebook is in talks with major corporate media about pulling their content into FB, leaving other sites to wither or pay up if we want to connect with you, our readers. Want to stay connected before the curtain drops? Get our curated, quality newsletters below!


640,880 views

About Anna Jorgensen

Anna Jorgensen Dating, love and relationship coach. A lumberjack's daughter, I spent my formative years surrounded by virgin forest and hungry grizzly bears in remote forestry camps. The crews were mostly hard-working, good-hearted scruffy men. There was plenty of naked-lady wallpaper, which explains my naughty sense of humour and understanding of how men think. (Hint: It's not only about sex.) In 2010, after several "practice" relationships (and a hella lotta "I need help" self-study), I rewrote my self and my life and now wear the cape as "Wingmam." Yay! My super power is providing one-on-one coaching and study-at-home-in-pj's online programs that entertain-ucate singles on how to understand the opposite sex, get unstuck, navigate the modern dating world and fast-forward to the fun bits of their happily ever after. (I don't ask anyone to use cheesy lines or made-up words like I do.) Love IS the answer, people! ;) Find Anna here: link to love and laughs. Connect with Anna's real, unfiltered Facebook page here (Love IS the answer!). Watch Anna's fun-ucational videos on: WingmamTV.

Comments

57 Responses to “The 3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil. {Adult}”

  1. ASuzanne says:

    Too bad I already AM green and blew one of my journal reads to get to something I already knew about "going green." I'm not creepy, I just find EJ's articles on holistic sexuality to be very good most of the time, so this was really just a waste of time, and really kinda dishonest. Not how to get those who are not already green to pay attention in a positive way.

  2. mike says:

    Sensual full body massage with the coconut oil is amazing 🙂

  3. Shah says:

    Loved the article, good post. I think Green is actually sexy. The beautiful essence, it is something to be encouraged b/c of the facts most prominently including it’s health benefits. I thank-you for this wonderful post 🙂

  4. Sherri says:

    How does coconut oil not ruin the sheets???! This is a huge concern. I have nice sheets!

  5. Rachell says:

    Great coconut oil. For me is the number one in body health!

  6. Sachitra says:

    Great article.. There nothing sexier than going green! Keep such stories coming.

  7. nini says:

    Great as lubricant. Smells yum plus it kills bacteria down there.

Leave a Reply