3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil (My Favorite Way to Go Green!)

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46 benefits of coconut oil

Green is Sexy.

I admit I can talk about/write about/think about relationship-related topics until the cows come home.

Only thing is, most of the cows are already home in their industrialized farm pens and haven’t roamed anywhere.

Sex sells, baby. That’s the bottom line.

So how the hell do we make the field-roaming-happy-cows-animal-rights-save-the-planet-stand-up-for-equality-say-no-to-war-say-no-to-corporate-corruption-actually-important news sexy?

See also: The Benefits of Coconut Oil.

The reality is we are all guilty of succumbing to titillation. We are human, but still we are animals. Even the do-gooders.

I was going to write a blog about how to get greener for the no-time-for-it no-gooders, but most people are more interested in, “How to Make a Man Fall in Love in Six Words,” or, “How to Survive a Relationship Crash and Burn”, or, “How to Have the Best Orgasm”, so now I’m combining what the world needs to read with what the world wants to read.

Don’t worry, I’ll get to the naughty bits, this isn’t a bait and switch…

But first, why it’s important to care about the Earth. Forgive me, I know we’re all here for the juicy stuff.

Top Three Reasons to Practice Going Green for Those Who Don’t Give a Shit About Going Green.

(Why preach to the choir, right?)

1. Going green saves you money.

That’s right, going all earth-friendly saves us our hard-earned gluten-free dough. How? Okay, a few quick examples.

  • Animal protein and packaged products are more expensive than going octo/ovo/pesco vegetarian or vegan. Yeah, even if we’re buying all organic. I’ve tried it both ways (naughty innuendo inserted to keep my end of the bargain: titillating reading), and I know first hand that switching from Sally Hog to quinoa and couscous is simply less expensive.
  • Also, from-scratch is also healthier, tastier and hello—way sexier! Man or woman mixing it up in the kitchen with raw, earthy, wholesome goodness gets my motor running. But how does this save money? Healthier equals lower medical associated costs. (And he’ll get extra cardio *wink* by impressing me with his culinary skills.)
  • If we don’t insist on sustainable, earth-friendly resourcing, we are all going to be paying big corporations through the nose for the water we use to wash our smug faces with. And everything else.

2. Getting green leads to getting laid.

That may be a stretch, but bear (bare?) with me. Eco-consciousness shows heart and compassion for something greater than the self. Not sure about anyone else, but in my book Selfish ≠ Sexy. No way around this. If a guy knows how his actions affect the world we are leaving to future generations and simply doesn’t give a shit—not cool. Ignorance is one thing—a difficult flag to wave nowadays—but a flat out, “who f’in cares” attitudes spells, “No, thanks dude,” from me. And not to put too fine a point on it, but who would most people rather “hang” with: the yoga hottie vegan or the hamburger hound at Rotten Ronnie’s? (Hey, I’m just asking the questions here. Yeah, I realize I’m not making friends. Sometimes, advocacy requires sacrifice.)

3. Going makes you realize you don’t need a bunch of material STUFF

Greening up our lives gets us out of the red and into feeling pink, as in, we realize we don’t need so many needful things. Not only does this additionally save us money and flip the bird at big business, but it also frees us from attachment and that never ending jonesing to catch up with the Joneses.When we care about not adding more damage to the Earth, we subtract the drive of our ego. We are content without unnecessary things and can focus instead on contributing in ways that add actual value to our lives and to others’ as well. Giving, helping, loving. Making love is environmentally friendly and costs nothing. Which brings me to… one of my favorite ways to go green.

See also: The 3,000 Year Old Secret to Mindful Sex

3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil:

  1. Masturbate. You betcha. There it is. Hope the read was worth the wait.
  2. Massage my lover—if I had one. (Self-explanatory.)
  3. Mention it in a naughty context to entice readers to click on this post, but for a good (green) cause, of course.

Hope this was at least entertaining and perhaps a bit educating if not titillating.

Be sexy, vote (green) with your dollar!

Bonus: tips to Enlighten your Sex Life:

Relephant Links (provided by the author):

Get Sexy: Support green companies like these.

Robert Redford: Still damn sexy, here’s why.

Ready to make some small changes? Here’s 15 to choose from. I love you for adding any of them. And I thank you.


Oil Cleansing: How to Have Amazingly Clear & Radiant Skin. 


Coconut oil may be sexy, but our tea bags aren’t:

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Anna Jorgensen

Anna Jorgensen Dating, love and relationship coach.

A lumberjack’s daughter, I spent my formative years surrounded by virgin forest and hungry grizzly bears in remote forestry camps. The crews were mostly hard-working, good-hearted scruffy men. There was plenty of naked-lady wallpaper, which explains my naughty sense of humour and understanding of how men think. (Hint: It’s not only about sex.)

In 2010, after several “practice” relationships (and a hella lotta “I need help” self-study), I rewrote my self and my life and now wear the cape as “Wingmam.” Yay! My super power is providing one-on-one coaching and study-at-home-in-pj’s online programs that entertain-ucate singles on how to understand the opposite sex, get unstuck, navigate the modern dating world and fast-forward to the fun bits of their happily ever after. (I don’t ask anyone to use cheesy lines or made-up words like I do.)
Love IS the answer, people! ;)

Find Anna here: link to love and laughs.

Connect with Anna’s real, unfiltered Facebook page here (Love IS the answer!).

Watch Anna’s fun-ucational videos on: WingmamTV.

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anonymous Oct 22, 2015 3:34am

Great as lubricant. Smells yum plus it kills bacteria down there.

anonymous Oct 21, 2015 10:18pm

Great article.. There nothing sexier than going green! Keep such stories coming.

anonymous Sep 21, 2015 7:32am

Great coconut oil. For me is the number one in body health!

anonymous Jun 29, 2015 11:15pm

How does coconut oil not ruin the sheets???! This is a huge concern. I have nice sheets!

anonymous May 21, 2015 11:34am

Loved the article, good post. I think Green is actually sexy. The beautiful essence, it is something to be encouraged b/c of the facts most prominently including it’s health benefits. I thank-you for this wonderful post 🙂

anonymous Apr 2, 2015 11:59am

Sensual full body massage with the coconut oil is amazing 🙂

anonymous Feb 9, 2015 2:16am

Too bad I already AM green and blew one of my journal reads to get to something I already knew about "going green." I'm not creepy, I just find EJ's articles on holistic sexuality to be very good most of the time, so this was really just a waste of time, and really kinda dishonest. Not how to get those who are not already green to pay attention in a positive way.

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 10:56am

Is it just me or did no one else see in the top graphic that it states that it kills herpes virus? Is just a protective product against it or does it cure it. Either way how come no one else caught that?

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 7:33am

where do u get real (not fake) coconut oil lol?

anonymous Feb 6, 2015 7:29am

Where do u get real (not fake) coconut oil lol?

anonymous Nov 16, 2014 12:10pm

Gonna try to use coconut oil for cellulite and apparently as it is good as a lubricant (antibacterial) gonna use it as well. My Polish lover likes to use organic products only.

anonymous Nov 14, 2014 11:05am

Eye catching article! But also great info.

    anonymous Nov 14, 2014 2:29pm

    Thanks for reading it, Nicole :))

anonymous Nov 14, 2014 10:19am

A little embarrassed to share this but…

anonymous Nov 13, 2014 7:35pm

I simply love juice!!. ( my “green” way to say YOU)

    anonymous Nov 14, 2014 2:28pm

    Lol, thank you, Elena… Compliment accepted! 🙂

anonymous Oct 23, 2014 7:55pm

I absolutely love your articles!

    anonymous Nov 14, 2014 2:27pm

    Thank you for reading them, M St Pierre!

anonymous Oct 23, 2014 5:53am

Anna you could write about anything, green , brown purple with polka dots 🙂 it would be sexy and green 🙂

anonymous Oct 22, 2014 5:49pm

I'm post menopausal, and while I haven't dried up completely, I'm not as juicy as I once was.
Coconut oil works marvelously, either for solitary sex play or with a lover….you can rub the extra into your thighs and lower belly afterwards!

anonymous Aug 11, 2014 4:52pm

Oh, what a master bait and switch!


anonymous Jul 23, 2014 8:53am

love this and don't know you but love you.

    anonymous Aug 1, 2014 5:34pm

    Love you, Annie, for loving this (and me)! Spread the word (and coconut oil.) 🙂

anonymous Jul 21, 2014 8:23pm

I can smell the coconut patchouli from here. Oh yum

    anonymous Jul 22, 2014 7:07pm

    Jimmy, personally I can't stand the smell of Patchouli! Eww. 😉

anonymous Jul 19, 2014 4:53pm

*Latah (sorry!)

anonymous Jul 12, 2014 2:36am

The best thing I tried last night was after a week straight of pain from dry eyes and strain I said, eff it…Im gonna try coconut oil. I searched on line to be sure and found mostly comments as opposed to hard core holistic standard facts. I tried it, it worked amazingly. For the first time in days was I able to see and sleep! Love this stuff

    anonymous Jul 19, 2014 4:52pm

    Love you input, Layah! Thank you 🙂

anonymous Jul 11, 2014 1:23am

I use it on my Pussy (cat) lol, he just started getting a flea allergy and I had nowhere to put any (yukky) flea treatment on him. So I got out the coconut oil, melted it in a little dish and rubbed him down. Poor little fluffa was a bit put out but two days later the couple of fleas he had have suffocated (yay) from the oil and my pussy has almost healed. The redness is almost all gone and his fur is all softer and he smells yummo too.

    anonymous Jul 11, 2014 3:44pm

    Love it! (That's all I'm going to say on this one lol)

anonymous Jul 2, 2014 6:14pm

Thank you dchaley, and agreed! (Essay on that topic in the works!)

    anonymous Jul 3, 2014 4:05pm

    Looking forward to reading it! It's an interesting topic and I like how you presented this one 😉

anonymous Jul 2, 2014 9:25am

Fun article, and I hate to be the one to shed the light but coconuts are not green in the US of A. Period. Unless of course they come from Florida. The US imports about 60 million tons of coconut products a year. The impact on the ocean and it s inhabitants is tremendous. It's great to think internationally but when it come to action, act locally. Sunflower oil is a great substitute. Don't get me wrong. I love coconut everything for any use, but once I learned about the environmental impact of merely shipping, and then the amount of waste in the dumps, I pulled back. Again fun article but mu hope the word gets out that coconut products have a dirty secret (no pun)! ~ NAMASTE!

    anonymous Jul 2, 2014 5:56pm

    It is not necessarily true that shipping something makes it harsher on the environment. There are economies of scale and other such factors to consider.

    For example, if I have a large (but still organic) coconut farm, chances are that the environmental impact of growing a single coconut is smaller than the impact of a much smaller farm. You then need to examine the environmental cost of shipping, and compare that to the gains from economy of scale. Sometimes shipping wins; sometimes it doesn't.

      anonymous Jul 2, 2014 10:48pm

      Exxon-Valdez. Deep Water horizon. Frakking. XL Pipeline.
      No, it is always true that shipping is harsher on the environment, because
      that coconut required that coastline, that vast expanse of Canada, all those birds and fish,
      and the future impact of the release of the oil, the chemicals to attempt to contain and control it, the loss
      of livlihoods, and the health of large swaths of ecosystem projecting out into the future as a sacrifice on the
      alter of convenience.

      If they shipped via Whale Express, Sailboats, Solar Boats, or via quantum teleportation, there would be an opportunity to estimate relative ecological impact of using local alternatives or shipping in imports. But when
      shipping in imports requires crude oil, there is no way shipping ever wins, unless the opinion is paid for.

        anonymous Jul 3, 2014 3:47pm

        Yes, there is no question that crude oil in general is suboptimal for many reasons. Can you help me understand why shipping via sea consumes crude oil, but transporting on land from farm to market doesn't?

anonymous Jun 9, 2014 7:37am

Octo vegetarian??? Couldn't even find it on Google.

    anonymous Jun 9, 2014 9:47am

    I think its a hybrid of ovo and lacto so its a vegetarian who eats eggs and dairy. That's my guess anyway 🙂

      anonymous Jun 10, 2014 8:19am

      Thanks Evelyn, yes it's a new word! That's what I was going for. Just made it up lol

    anonymous Jun 10, 2014 8:21am

    Hi Bll, I made that up. Kind of surprised it's not an actual term, but maybe it will be! Will go with Evelyn's theory below! 🙂

anonymous Jun 9, 2014 3:26am

Love the graphic at the top – who knew coconut oil had so many applications! Thanks for the links to the green companies, really useful 🙂

Just got to say, I think you do people a bit of a disservice though with my saying that they are only looking for titillation. I would say people will choose articles about surviving break-ups and falling in love because they help us get through our everyday lives not because we are all looking for cheap thrills.

    anonymous Jun 10, 2014 8:17am

    Thanks Evelyn, I agree and I usually write those articles! (In fact I wrote the ones I mentioned for just that reason.) I'm just saying here that most people prefer to read about those things AND the sensationalist or titillating "news" than how to save the planet, or promote animals rights, or deter discrimination. It's a fact at elephant journal, anyway. I've written extensively on relationships and I've written on racism, and this essay has received the most hits the fastest. 🙂

anonymous Jun 8, 2014 7:56pm

I ve been using coc oil for many purposes, including the naughty ones, but … is anyone sure it hasnt got any unwanted effects on the delicate easly thrown off balance environment of vagina?

    anonymous Jun 10, 2014 8:12am

    Good question Marta! I can only speak from personal experience with a "no" on that one. Will research! xo

    anonymous Jun 10, 2014 9:24am

    From what I've read, I've not tried it yet, its totally fine and seems to be actually recommended for those with more sensitive lady parts. Apparently though there is an on-going debate as to whether it does or does not interferes with latex condoms…

      anonymous Jun 14, 2014 6:14pm

      Thanks Evelyn! Good to know 🙂

        anonymous Jul 6, 2014 1:42pm

        Speaking from experience here, can definitely recommend for sensitivity issues! I had weird dryness and my dr approved the coconut oil–haven't looked back since. Of course our bodies are all somewhat different, but thought I'd throw in my two cents.

    anonymous Sep 30, 2014 5:57pm

    I’ve been using LOTS of coconut oil for sex lube for over a year now. I am a 54 yr old female, had no partner after boyfriend died – in 2007- 6 years single! During that time I had a total hysterectomy and INSTANT MENOPAUSE, little interest in casual sex, etc. In oct 2012 I got very sick very suddenly, it was MRSA, in my spine. Caught it in time had abscess removed, put on vancomycin antibiotic IV twice daily for months. My 20 year old son, being highly conscious of natural anti microbial foods and oils- got me eating manuka honey, turmeric, oil of oregano, root veggies, and using coconut oil for cooking food AND body moisturizer. When I returned to work I met a great man , who is now my fiancé, and so here u was (and still am!) enjoying sex not only because of having a great lover, but also because of the AMAZING lubricant coconut oil, with its aphrodisiacical AND anti-microbial qualities! It works like nothing else! And I used to always get both yeast AND bacterial infections from a new lover or just too much sex, and trust me when I tell you that coconut oil had NEVER caused a problem. In fact it has a good ph balance, and it PROTECTS delicate vaginal tissue against both candida AND bacterial infection. It’s smooth, soft, silky, sweetly aromatic, lube-tastic, and healthy!!!! It will protect u down there, and will never hurt you. 🙂

    anonymous Nov 14, 2014 4:44pm

    Uh yep! Apparently I'm the only one. But I use it as a body wash and in the beginning I tried it on my lady parts only to be uncomfortably itchy for the rest of the day. It can happen.

anonymous Jun 8, 2014 5:46pm

Great article!

anonymous Jun 8, 2014 4:05pm

Oh yes! coconut oil for sex lube is amazing, clean, green and taste wonderful!

    anonymous Jun 8, 2014 6:55pm

    Thanks for sharing the (green) love, Mike!

Caroline Everitte McGill Oct 13, 2017 5:20pm

Fell for it, AGAIN!

Lauren Flynn May 27, 2017 4:14pm

I put a bit in coffee as well

Kevin Leigh Tremblay May 17, 2017 1:57pm

Good thing I didn't read all the green political bs and skipped to the meat ,, oh wait ,, there's no meat :/

Tanya Cain Jul 24, 2016 4:13am

I use it for makeup remover, to rejuvenate my skin after showers, and yes the naughty stuff. I have a separate jar for the kitchen to put in coffee and cook with.