June 7, 2014

What to do next time you feel Insecurity.


“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~ Steve Furtick

Insecurity is pervasive. We might think about sex every seven seconds, as they say—but we feel insecurity, jealousy, doubt, fear just as much, if not more.

Imagine your day without self-doubt. Imagine your day without fear. With the sort of un-selfconsciousness of a child, running about playing in water fountains.

We learn pride. We learn insecurity. We learn what happiness is supposed to look like. When we have it, we protect it—cliques form and fear gilds our circles with haughtiness. When we don’t have it, we sit in cafes staring out at happy couples walking by, hip friends sitting around a restaurant table, cool cyclists rolling off up the hills on lunch break…and we think, why not me? What’s wrong with me?

As we discussed last week, this loneliness is actually good news. It’s a crack in our egos. It’s a sign that our bullshit isn’t working. It’s the crack where the light gets in.

The trick is to feel your heart. Feel your vulnerability, your sadness. Don’t run. Running creates a lifelong habit of stress, of not being able to soften, to relax into our shaky red beautiful hearts.

And the trick is, as Louis CK reminds us, that loneliness is a wall of fire. Step through it, it’s thin, and you’ll survive. You’ll feel sadness, briefly. Then you’ll feel real joy, and leave behind speediness, fear, stress. Real joy.

So next time you feel like you’re not enough, feel that feeling instead of pushing it away or pretending to be something you’re not.

“Be yourself—everyone else is taken.”

How to Express yourself if you don't have the Confidence to Express yourself.

What to do when our Relationships get Tough.

Loneliness, Love, & Making Friends with Hot Boredom.

Loneliness & What to Do about it.

What to do if (when) you feel Sad & even Depressed.

How to Fall in Love with Yourself.

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Kelly Sep 14, 2015 1:02pm

I love your words Waylon!

Tina Aug 21, 2014 1:16pm

"Step through it, it’s thin, and you’ll survive." I've used this little phrase of yours countless times to get through my bouts of insecurity. Thank you. 🙂

Jun 10, 2014 10:52pm

I LOVE the beginning of this article. However, I feel like it leave me wondering. To someone who is the lonely person sitting in the cafe., after they have accepted it for what it is, Then what? How do you move on from it. I would love to hear the end. Thanks for the brilliant words. I think we have all been that person at one time or another.

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Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of Elephant Journal & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat.” Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword’s Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by “Greatist”, Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: “the mindful life” beyond the choir & to all those who didn’t know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, touches on modern relationships from a Buddhist point of view. His dream of 9 years, the Elephant “Ecosystem” will find a way to pay 1,000s of writers a month, helping reverse the tide of low-quality, unpaid writing & reading for free online.