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June 11, 2014

Why All Single Yogis Should be on Tinder. ~ Chelsea W. Berg

Dating

Yep, thats me folks.

Maybe some of you have even seen me in your Tinder wanders (swipe right; I am very cool!). But kidding aside, this Tinder phenomenon has got me thinking about the actual lessons I have learned that are very yogic in nature from this whole experience. Funny enough, I was just asked by a fellow INFP if I would like to join in some “adult fun” tonight. Needless to say this did not necessarily inspire this blog but certainly is part of the learning process. I have also been asked if someone could “lick nutella off me while I tell him about my world adventures,” and if I would be “interested in a being in a real life sugar Daddy scenario relationship where if I am nice to him, he would buy me pretty things.” So yep, everything you have read about Tinder in this respect is true, it happens, but all you (Single yogis, all the Single yogis!) need to get on Tinder now! Right now! And why? Because, believe me, I am more shocked than anyone for sure, but this whole Tindering has put real life yogic wisdom I learned into practice in the scariest of all realms: the dating world. I am honestly an entirely different person thanks to Tinder. Here is what I have learned so far in my two months on Tinder:

1) How to let go of expectations:

It is just one big revolving door of singles out there! It is true, and isn’t that wonderful? Tinder literally puts the revolving door out there for you to see. The world is vast and wonderful, and people are wonderful. Even if you do not actually go on dates it is helpful to know that there are so many options. Sometimes in dating a common problem is that we feel there is scarcity so that when someone does something that does not feel right or resonate with who we are inside, we can tend to ignore our internal intuition that something is not right because we feel like there is no one else out there. I am here to tell you and Tinder can tell you, that is a bunch of BS! It is a revolving door, so get in there and revolve a bit, mix it up, move on, and be light.

2) Not to take it all personally:

It is easy to let dating affect our self esteems, but within this Tinder experience I have been rejected more than I can count. Actually I cannot even count as the whole premise of Tinder is that we only get to talk to those that like us back. Do you think everyone has liked me that I liked? Of course not! I also have been on dates that have never ever messaged me again afterwards, and you know what? It’s ok and super normal. My mother always says there is someone for everyone, and honestly I am not going to be everyone’s flavour. No one is. And therein lies a bit of the beauty of Tinder because it makes rejection okay by showing how many different options and beautiful human faces are out there. We are all special—really we are—and I feel that sometimes with dating especially we can get caught up in someone else’s perception of us. We even let it define us a bit if we get rejected. But someone else’s “rejection” of us ultimately has nothing to actually do with us.

3) Next!:

l remember in my teacher training, my wise teacher told us that yoga teaches you to walk away from that which does not serve you. Funny enough, I was telling a recent dating disaster story to a dear friend who actually took the same teacher training with me about a man I dated (from Tinder of course) for about a month and half, after which time he tells me that he does not want a relationship. So what did this new Tinder yogi me do? I walked away, big time. Old non-Tinder me would have reasoned and tried to understand the pain that might have made him say that and would have stayed in something painful, but it didn’t serve me so I walked away from the relationship—nicely of course. And it felt great! My friend after hearing my story shouted Next! And she was right. That is how we should treat life. If something is not serving you, Next! There are endless opportunities and endless beautiful people out there, we never never have to stay in a situation or with a person that does not serve our ultimate goals. Tinder fuels this fire by literally showing us the endless beautiful faces out there.

4) Trust your intuition:

You know that cute guy with the shirt open to show the glistening abs, or the lady making the duck face with big red lips, just do not do swipe right as tempting as it might be friends! The more Tindering we find ourselves doing, we actually start to get a feeling about the people from the pics. It is like some intangible sense is heightened by this exercise. I think that sense might be intuition. All of the weird/and or not so great experiences so far I have had have been with people I reluctantly swiped right. I had an unfortunate experience with a Tinder date that tried to grab my panties on the second date, and I can remember back to my initial impression of his first pic as looking very self conscious and I almost did not look at the rest of his pics. I should have listened to that inner wisdom. And that is not to say judging others at first glance of course, but to listen to that voice that talks from a place deep within and unknown when you can just feel something about someone or a situation. Listen to that, it can save your panties. Friends, I actually went on a date last night and I have another tonight, but I have to admit I may get off Tinder soon. I feel like it was more of an experience for me than a viable mechanism of meeting people, but I perhaps should give it a couple more months. The experience though has been transformative far beyond what I expected from a slightly creepy sounding little app. But all you single yogis, get out there, open yourself up and learn in the scariest of all places: within your own ego.

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Apprentice Editor: Dana Gornall/Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo Credit: Main photo: Cali4beach/Flickr

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Chelsea W. Berg