November 12, 2014

Date a Girl Who Poops.

poop, everyone poops, funny

**editors note: This applies to both girls and guys, but for readin’ purposes, we’ve changed it to just be girls. Date guys who poop too!


Forget about sunshine and rainbows. Date a girl who poops.

This girl is made of flesh and blood, just like you. She brims with spirit and soul and magic and sunshine too, yes, but she belongs to this world, and she does not pretend otherwise.

Date a girl who calls out, “Hold on, I’m pooping!” when you knock on the bathroom door. She doesn’t rush or wait for the house to be empty.

She knows how to let go of things.

A girl who poops accepts and embraces the natural rhythms of her body. She is definitely not ashamed of them.

She is the most feminine of women, because she is honest. And real. She doesn’t hide from herself. She’s not lying. She is proud of her body. All of it.

Date a girl who poops. She will be healthier and happier, and so will your relationship. That is, a girl who loves the reality of her body—the earth and smell and flesh and dark of it—is mature enough to have a relationship.

This girl might be crass. She might not. It doesn’t matter.

The point is she faces the world with an open heart and a clean gut. She knows how to take her time and how to allow. She digests fully—not just her food, but all of the nutrients in her environment: words, ideas, music and beauty.

She knows that it takes two to feel comfortable, but just one to feel awkward.

Date a girl who poops. When you move in together and you don’t have to leave the room to fart, you will be grateful. When you can call out “Hold on, I’m pooping!” when she knocks on the bathroom door, you will bless the day you chose a girl who does the same. And when you realize you have found a woman who loves her body enough for you to love it too, you will thank the universe for your good fortune.

If you find a girl like this, tell her that you love every single part of her. Not just the rainbows. Not just the light. But the earth and smell and flesh and dark of her, too.

For it is all feminine. It is all, in its way, magic.

It is all her.

[Bonus: A poem about the exact opposite.]


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Author: Toby Israel

Editor: Emma Ruffin

Photo: Lauren/Flickr


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