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November 24, 2014

Looking for Connection with my Fellow Lonely Souls.

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Are you one of those people who just knows where they fit in life?

Someone who is happily working their way through their set goals? Do you instinctively connect with the people around you and make effortless conversation? OK, that is great, and I am truly happy for you, but this is not your article.

I am talking to those other people. The ones who feel like life is watching a 3D movie without the glasses. The ones who don’t understand what goals they should even be setting.

Yes, you who knows the “social chatter” game but simply doesn’t want to play. I am talking to you. My soul is talking to your soul, because we are here. We are scattered and we so often feel alone, but we are here.

Maybe it is because we don’t often have this level of conversation with people, maybe it is because we have learned to pretend, maybe we are truly scattered, but I want to touch base because tonight I am feeling lonely.

Tonight, I am feeling frustrated and disappointed by an experience that reminded me of how much I don’t seem to think like other people. Tonight, I want to reach out to people like me.

You see, today I went on what was supposed to be an amazing purification ceremony here in Bali. My friend had done it before and was very keen to take a few of us to share the experience. I have done this sort of thing before, with some of the same people here in Bali and had incredible meditations and moments, so I had little compunction about going along.

The Balinese priests are often more like psychic/shamans, reading your energy, healing your heart and playing with your chakras. After the lovely purification (in a slightly chilly river), we were told that the priest could read our life purpose in one word from our third eye. (He had already read and healed our palm stories, so this didn’t seem much of a stretch). My friend had been told that her life purpose was “spirituality”—a broad but lovely concept, so I expected something similarly warm and encouraging.

I was told my life purpose was “oil.”

Yep, literally oil. As in I should invest in an oil company or open an aromatherapy shop. Nonplussed, I thought about this for a while, then figured I could take it metaphorically and suggested that perhaps he meant that I was like oil, in that I often help people who are a bit stuck or smooth the way for things to happen, but no, he said I should open an aromatherapy shop.

Now, I totally get that within the values of Balinese life, having a life purpose that involves opening a shop would be a really good thing. But for me, it was soooooooo incredibly far away from the concepts that I have not only for my every day life, but also for my soul purpose!

But more, I was so frustrated by him making God (aka. the Universe, life energy) so small. As if God would write your soul purpose on your forehead and have it say, “Open a shop.” He made God small. And mundane. And human. And that just didn’t speak to me.

And so, yet again, I was reminded of how different I am. How I don’t want to have goals, I want to have feelings. Of how the thoughts in my head are not my enemy but my most precious friend. Of how I don’t want to transform my life because I love my life. Of how much I am so okay with who I am but not okay with how that fits (or doesn’t fit) in the world.

And so, if you sometimes (or often) find that people are trying so hard to connect with you, but their concept of happiness or purpose or life just leaves you cold, here are some thoughts from my soul to yours…

No matter whether the glass is half full or half empty, it looks totally weird upside down. Seriously. A half glass of water behind me when I was in down dog this morning, spun my brain out, as my brain told me for a second that the air was water and the water air.

Yes, bright green cars do look like giant M&M’s. But not many people will think that is as fascinating as you do. They will probably think that the storm cloud that looks like a dragon eating the setting sun is cool, but won’t stare at it for 10 minutes. If we ever meet, feel free to point these things out to me and we can stare together.

The world is sometimes so beautiful, it is sad. And sometimes that sadness is beautiful. Cry when you need to. I send your soul hugs, with no demands, or no need for you to explain.

If you ever want a successful role model for being your incredible, amazing, totally not normal self, read Dr Seuss. Green Eggs and Ham or The Lorax. Need I say more?

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try! (Dr Seuss)

And of course the classic:

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! (Dr Seuss)

And so dear soul, I leave you here. Tonight, I am tired. Tired of pretending that it all makes sense. Tired of trying to value the things I am told are important. Tired of being alone. But I also know that I am not alone. Because you are out there too and I just wanted to say hello.

 

 

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Author: Tui Anderson

Editor:  Travis May

Photo: Author’s Own

Tui Anderson

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