November 7, 2014

Why Political Rhetoric is a Whole Lot like Horse Sh**.


Warning: if the title didn’t make it obvious, this has some adult language!

Mid-term election week is coming to a close, and let’s be real.

I feel like I need a hot shower. In bleach. While I wash my ears out with soap.

He’s lying, she’s hiding something, he hates babies and children, she wants to raise your taxes. That side is the best friend of Al-Qaeda, the other side wants the poor to take all of the money of the rich. It’s horse-shit.

A couple of weeks ago, I was happily relocating horse-shit of the non-metaphorical variety on my farm. This is generally a highlight of my day. It requires no thinking, a lot of muscle and the view is great (it’s of the horses staring at me while I shovel).

I happened to toss a shovel-full into the air right as a gust of wind hit. It turns out that the wind was directed at me and my mouth was open. Suffice it to say, this was not pleasant. It made me realize that I was experiencing, physically, what the American public has been experiencing in spades for the last few months.

So, I give you a comparison of politics and manure—see if you agree.

1. Both political rhetoric and horse shit will fly back into the face of the one who throws it.

2. Both political rhetoric and horse shit smell terrible, especially when fresh.

3. Both political rhetoric and horse shit, when left unchecked, will pile as high as the sky.

4. Both political rhetoric and horse shit started out with someone shelling out an obscene amount of money to feed the beast.

So, all is lost, right? Hardly. But, it’s going to take some serious changes in the way we elect people to power to keep us all from being covered in meadow muffins every November.

1. Don’t throw shit into the air. Politicians, stand up for what you believe in rather than calling names and pointing fingers. We are interested in what you have to say, as long as it is truthful and kind.

2. Freshen up the droppings. What goes in, goes out, right? American politicians live on a steady diet of innuendo, finger-pointing, blame and passing the buck. So, that is what comes out when they speak. We need to expect more of our leaders. They should be educated deeply in the issues of their constituents, not broadly and shallowly in the rhetoric that wins elections.

3. Clean it up early and often. Americans, let’s call politicians out for throwing dirt quickly and directly, over and over until they get it. Let’s tell them we don’t want it!

4. Stop feeding the beast so much hay. I know, it’s America. Money is power. This is not the way it should be. Those with the most money should not have the biggest voices. Those with the best ideas should have the biggest voices. Put an end to unlimited budgets. I don’t feed my horses all they want; they’ll get fat and sick. Um, hello, politicians.

Finally, the best part about horse shit is that it can be used as fertilizer to make things grow. We have enough fertilizer laying around in the wake of this election to last a lifetime.

Let’s pick up the pieces, break them down, and use them to create a new start. Let’s germinate and propagate a better conversation that will benefit all Americans.

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Author: Deborah Linne

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Wikimedia

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