In the dark of the night I look up at the sky and I wonder: what are we but a small spark of light in this infinitely grand spectrum of the universe? What is the universe but a small spark of light in the infinitely grand spectrum of our souls?

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December 23, 1014

I have been feeling really low these past days.

Every morning I wake up feeling sad, heavy, like my head is full of lead.

It takes me hours to wake up and my normal urge to roll out my yoga mat has totally disappeared. I want to move and feel good but I have absolutely no energy so I do nothing. I don’t make my usual morning smoothie, I don’t run.

When I’m finally feeling a little bit lighter it’s way too hot outside to run and we are too busy with our families to practice in the day.

For days I’ve woken up feeling like this, tired and lethargic. I don’t know if it’s because of Andrea’s birthday or because I’ve just reached a limit of some sorts… I’m so used to working hard and supporting others I feel like I’ve put myself aside.

I’ve lost my practice of self-care. So. What to do?

I’ve been pondering this and I’ve realized this truth: I need to raise my vibration. I know I need to practice and I know I need to run but when everything feels heavy and I can’t get myself to do anything, least of all do my home practice or drive to a yoga class or wake up in time to go out for a run?

I had to come up with something practical so yesterday I did two things: I went out and bought a treadmill, and I booked a private yoga class. Very spontaneous and weird but I feel good about it.

Normally we can only run outside around 7am or after 6pm (it just gets way too hot out here in the desert) and getting a treadmill felt like a way to be able to run in the middle of the day, even if I wake up in a funk, or if we are jet-lagged and awake at weird hours. This morning I ran for 20 min and then my friend and student @carolienonline came and taught us a private class.

Unexpected and absolutely wonderful.

I take classes so rarely I’ve forgotten how lovely it is to be directed by someone else, to have no responsibilities but to breathe. I could have cried the whole class through. Now, I feel good. Lighter.

I know it’s okay to feel low. We need it, even. It’s also okay to admit to the world that we need help and support.

My name is Rachel and I need support.

I hope it makes you feel okay, too.

We have so many blessings.

Love, high and low.

 

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Author: Rachel Brathen 

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: courtesy of Rachel Brathen