It’s Never too Soon to Say ‘I Love You.’

Via Lealyn Poponi
on Dec 26, 2014
get elephant's newsletter

dimka/Flickr

Recently I’ve become one of those fun-loving, optimistic types who believes that we really can love the whole wide world and all of its inhabitants.

I find that most people can get behind this mentality—except when it comes to dating. You see, when I form a romantic connection with someone, I tell them I love them right away—even if I’m not planning to date them exclusively.

And why shouldn’t I?

If I really love everyone, what does it matter what form our relationship takes?

Some people have said to me, “The L word is serious, you shouldn’t say it so soon,” or “You’re taking the fun out of falling in love by doing that.” But let’s put that in context of how we use the word love with other stuff.

If you have me over for dinner and serve me some delightfully delicious pad thai, and I find it to taste absolutely divine, isn’t it acceptable for me to tell you that I absolutely love it? Do I need to have it a few times before I know that I love it? Does it make you uncomfortable if I use such strong language about the food you just served me?

Probably not, so it’s okay for me to love food that I just met, but not a living, breathing, beautiful person who has my heart all a flutter on a first date?

Got it.

I was a foster parent a few years back and I remember when I took in my first child. The first night I tucked him in, I wondered if I should say “I love you.” I decided against it because part of me felt like I wouldn’t be telling him the truth. How could I love him when I didn’t even know him? He’d see right through it or think I was trying to replace his mother.

After a few nights I came to my senses and realized he’s a six year old boy and he needs to hear “I love you” from the person who tucks him in at night. So I said it and without hesitation he said it right back. At first I thought I shouldn’t say it because after all, love takes time and I’d need to build up to saying that word. But the truth is, the reason I signed up to be a foster parent is because I love kids, which means I loved him before he even arrived.

So many people say “I love people!”

We say we love football, and massages and chocolate cake, but then need to wait to tell someone special that we love them…why?

To me, saying “I love you” means that I want the best for you and that I value all parts of you, not just the favorable parts. I can feel that for someone right away. That feeling can also grow, just like a sequoia tree. When a sequoia tree is young and small, it’s not anything lesser than a sequoia tree. Same with my love—I love you on the first day and my love continues to grow big and strong the more I get to know you. I get to fall in love with you every day, from the start, instead of waiting for some perfect moment.

So what if we tell someone we love them too soon and they don’t say it back? The dread!

Well, does chocolate cake love us back? No.

Does a newborn baby return our verbal sentiments? No.

That’s not what love is about.

If we think love is about what we get in return, then we don’t know what love is—the truth is that we are pure love and giving it out feels just as good as when it reflects back.

It is why we are here, and we need to stop holding back.

I can see only good coming from telling someone, everyone, that you love them.

Why not just start saying it more often and see what happens?

 

Relephant read:

Why I Never say,”I love you” First.

Bonus:

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

Author: Lealyn Poponi

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: the dimka at Flickr 


175,866 views

About Lealyn Poponi

Lealyn Poponi is a curious lover of life who lives in Honolulu, Hawaii. Recently she "consciously uncoupled" with her husband of 9 years and now enjoys pondering and studying the art and meaning of love by diving into the teachings of OSHO, Rumi and Thich Nhat Hanh. She is challenging herself and others to drop limiting beliefs about love that have been passed on for generations. In addition to writing, she enjoys practicing circus arts, eating vegan food, starting cuddle puddles and causing a scene. To find out more about Lealyn, please visit her website.

Comments

22 Responses to “It’s Never too Soon to Say ‘I Love You.’”

  1. Shannon says:

    oh Lealyn… I love you!

  2. Paris says:

    I love this article! And I completely and thoroughly agree! So so ssoo true! Beautifully written/stated …

  3. Kara says:

    The World can always use more Love! <3

  4. Dominique says:

    Absolutley agree:) wonderful stuff 🙂

  5. g says:

    I love this! Absolutely agree

  6. Aisha says:

    I love you!

  7. Lealyn says:

    Love you Aisha!

  8. Lealyn says:

    Thank you Paris!!

  9. Lealyn says:

    Indeed!

  10. Lealyn says:

    Thank you Dominique!

  11. lealyn says:

    Thank you!

  12. lealyn says:

    Oh Shannon! I love you too!

  13. Pamela says:

    Finally! Someone put the meaning of love into words that I believe everyone in the world should read! Thank you Lealyn! I’ve always felt this way, it’s been so hard trying to explain it. This is perfectly said. I love you!

  14. Amazing Kris says:

    I love everybody, but liking them is what is hard. I reserve the word "like" for folks I can relate to, which is a higher compliment in my own set of warped sensibilities. However, when I tell someone I like them, it is met with lukewarm response. I might be too friendly, so everyone just assumes that I like them. No, I just love them and want them to feel liked.

    I always tell people I love them when the feeling is genuine. If they can't handle it, I suppose we can't be friends, which is a bummer. I'll be your friend, if you'd have me. Wait for me to say those three words sooner or later.

  15. TRACEY says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

  16. Michael says:

    Wish I wrote this forever ago and never stopped sharing it. Thanks Lealyn. I love you..more than chocolate cake!

  17. birichina says:

    Well. Isn’t this timely? I was thinking this exact thing the other day. I was ‘holding back’ on the L word. I think it’s all the stuff that is attached to the word that is the issue. But I wish i could just say it in the moment and not worry about the rest. It may not be forever. But for now its love 🙂

  18. Sam says:

    I love you 🙂

  19. Emily says:

    Oh.. I have such an “I Love You” phobia! I tell my kids constantly but no one else.. These issues run deeeep.. But this article really made me think about love from a different perspective and I love it! Thank You and I think I love you.. Haha! (now I’m going to go throw up.. jk)

  20. Dragon says:

    Thank you soooooo much for writing this. I loved it. 🙂

  21. Jessica says:

    I loved this

  22. raisedinlove says:

    so with you on this, I say it so often and it tickles me every time!

Leave a Reply