When it comes to sex, some of us really like to wait.
We aren’t waiting just for the sake of waiting and we aren’t holding back for reasons outside of ourselves.
It’s not because we’re afraid that you won’t call in the morning; it’s not religion; and it’s not because we don’t find you wildly attractive.
Please understand, that some of us just really like to wait.
When I go to the beach, the first thing I like to do is lie in the sun for a good 30 minutes. After I get really hot and sweaty, I just love walking into the ocean and feeling the cool water swallowing up my skin inch-by-inch.
The glorious contrast from hot to cool is an experience I really cherish and savor as it tickles me from my toes all the way up to my ear lobes.
Some people like to jump right in and that’s ok—I like to wait.
Men and women both have said to me,
“Why would you withhold something from yourself that feels so good?”
Sex can be great when you don’t wait—but it can be better when you do. Much better.
It’s all about personal preference.
Let’s say I go out to a restaurant and order tea, an appetizer and my favorite dish, pad thai. Five minutes later the server shows up with everything I ordered, all at once.
I’m happy my pad thai is there; I love pad thai, but I kind of wanted to sip my tea for a while and enjoy some conversation with my date. Then I wanted to nibble on my appetizer, wait for that to settle and wonder with excitement when the beloved pad thai would arrive.
Ooooh! I see our food coming! I love that.
Fast food has its place too, but most would agree that eating at a restaurant is better. It’s not only the higher quality food, but it’s also the entire experience: the sitting down, taking a rest, enjoying the atmosphere and knowing that our food is being created with care while we wait in anticipation.
Even though we love pad thai, the experience wouldn’t be better if it was delivered within moments of sitting down, would it?
I wait because I want to feel comfortable with another: can I really let go of my inhibitions?
I wait so I can find out what turns the other person on: what makes them tick?
I wait because I love the anticipation: what will it be like?
I wait so we can be authentic: am I safe to be myself?
Our comfort with each other will give us the gift of unbridled expression, increased confidence and an ultimate knowing who we are when we are together.
The anticipation, the wonder and the excitement we feel before we have sex with someone for the first time is a gift and once we give that away, we never get it back.
Isn’t it worth the wait?
Having sex on the first or second date after an awesome, serotonin and oxytocin induced make-out session can be exciting. I get it. By all means, go ahead and do that if it works for you. But maybe give waiting a try?
Try talking about sex first. Ask your potential lover some questions:
What does sex mean to you? Who was your best lover and what made him/her so great? If we were to have sex, what would be your intention?
After you both answer these questions and find a place of sexual congruency, set some intentions together.
Create a playlist, choose a candle or incense and determine where this special experience may be shared.
And when the time comes start with some soul gazing or breath sharing or both. Make it as sacred and as magical as possible!
This is the first time that the two energies will have a meeting in such a divine way.
Make time for hours of foreplay and hours of afterplay.
Make time to have the best time, because it’s worth it.
Even if I make a strong connection with someone right away, even if I fall in love with another on our first date, there is something that only time can provide.
Spanning time together, learning what makes our beloved light up and building a friendship without sexuality is a very special and unique time in a romance.
This is why I wait.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Lealyn Poponi
Apprentice Editor: Brandie Smith / Editor: Renée Picard
Photo: Michael Patterson at Flickr