December 25, 2014

Why I Love Giving Head. {Adults Only}

sexy lady

Editor’s note: This article contains adult language.

At the ripe old age of 45, I have learned a thing or two.

One of those things, which I love dearly, is the art of the blowjob.

But I was not born knowing. This is a skill that I have developed over 20 long years of practice, research and reflection. I have asked men and women alike for assistance. I have been taught by some of the best, and underneath it all has been an ardent desire to learn.

It came about many years ago, when I was married. My wasband had a very hard time coming to orgasm, to the point that I would regularly spend two hours or so on his most important member (MIM) so that he could get there.

At first, I viewed this as work. I had always liked it before, but really, two hours on my knees? Working my jaw like a teenage girl with too much gum? Geezus. I would labor through the process, very often feeling resentful and angry by the end. As time went by, the more I saw this act as hard labor, the less effective it became. I quickly realized that if I did not truly enjoy what I was doing, neither would he.

I had put myself on this path; I had committed to him and myself that I would put the effort in. I started reading books, talking with experts, and researching articles by people who gave excellent head. The common theme that quickly emerged was that every article and book I read was written from the point of view of someone who truly loved it. I realized that the key to giving good head was to truly love it.

So I decided that I would love everything about giving excellent head, view it as a way to be closer to my man and please him like no one else could. I would view it as a way to grow spiritually, to choose my thoughts about the act instead of reacting to my physical suffering around it.

It worked. The more I loved it, the more he loved it. It quickly became our favorite thing. I would offer to do it every morning when we got up, and told him I needed to “practice” getting better at it. I had successfully turned an act which I loathed into one I loved, simply by changing my mind. Needless to say, he was pleased as well.

Six years later, our marriage ended, (improving my skills and mindset did not solve every problem, I guess), but I had worked so hard at directing my thoughts, so hard at sharpening my skills, that I emerged with a great love for the act. I carried this experience forward to other areas of my life. I came to love more things in my life simply because I decided to. Unpleasant situations became opportunities to practice choosing my thoughts around it. Unpleasant people become challenges for me to practice compassion.

I look back now and see how that simple change of mindset around blowjobs changed my life. I am better at work, better at art, better in relationships. I have decided that I can love anything if I can love blowjobs. Except liver. That is still one thing I am having a really hard time loving.

Relephant bonus:


Oral Sex Redefined: The Art of Sexspeak. {Adult}

Imagine a society where sexuality is an acceptable part of everyday culture. ~ Candice Holdorf

10 Mindful New Year’s Resolutions worthy of the Buddha, Jesus, Mandela, yo’mama.


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Author: Sara Young

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Wikipedia

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david Nov 7, 2015 7:02pm

Read it three times…think I’m in love.

Deborah Nov 7, 2015 3:54am

Ah yes, the loving herpes kiss. The CDC and Bureau of government Statistics now estimates that 80-90% of adult, (and sadly even adolescent) population has herpes. Why the increase? It is directly related to the increase in oral sex. It has become as common as coffee, and rather than a rare delight, is now a rote prelude or replacement to intercourse. Herpes Type 1 is transferred from mouth to genitals; type 2 is transferred from genitals to mouth. Should these facts make oral sex taboo again? Nothing is going to make that happen, but we can think and rethink: this is not riskless behavior. Is IS sex, though much of our cheapening it has pretended otherwise. We've arrived at a society where adolescent girls collect brilliant lipsticks for the sole purpose of giving head at blowjob parties for the pleasure and bragging rights of boys; we've got to change our casual attitudes, at least adjust them.
Let's use our brains a little:
1) we can promote a little less male egocentricity here. In the sexual arena, in most cases, men are microwaves and women are crockpots. If oral sex is "needed" it's most often women who need to receive it, yet in every movie, in every plot scenario, sex starts with the man getting head. Why? Ding Ding Ding: "the money's on the table honey."
2) We've skewed a loving act and built it down to become as common as pissing in a urinal. Is this real celebratory romance of the penis, or another liturgical attempt at lurid cheap tattoo flash and male aggrandizement and enticement.

Yes, celebrate your lover's body, but pay attention. CELEBRATE YOUR OWN BODY AND WORTH. Don't deal out blowjobs like cards at a hot poker game. Value, we're made of it. Try to remember.

Cassidy Jul 8, 2015 6:43am

I appreciate your article; it was not what I expected. I agree with your perspective of doing things with a positive mindset and how it truly makes a difference for the better. I will remember this the next time I see my man. 😉

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Sara Young

Sara Young is a writer, artist, cyclist, amateur yogi, and avid poetry appreciator.

Originally from Chicago, Illinois, Sara is presently undertaking a project which she hopes will turn the tide and inspire people to love, accept, and show compassion for themselves and each other. She is traveling the US handing out love stickers and telling people they are awesome, and when she can, talking to people about the importance of remembering that love unites everyone.

She is a Freedom Fighter, a Creative Adventurer, a bringer of light, and the owner of Eloquent as Fuck, a company whose mission it is to help people live boldly and confidently in their own skin, loving the ride as they go through their wild and wonderful lives. http://www.eloquentasfuck.com/

You can follow A Love Rebellion at www.aloverebellion.com