Do this Instead of being Positive when Everything Falls Apart.

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crying

*warning: Adult language ahead.

How to still be positive when everything falls apart.

Don’t be. F*ck it. You’re a mess. You’re a wreck. Just be that for a while.

And remember that this is just a day. And it may be one of many.

It will change.

Even the longest of tunnels have light eventually and the darkest of clouds only hide the sun, not destroy it.

You are okay.

You are okay.

No. You’re not listening.

You. Are. Okay!

Just like that. Riddled with pain and weighed down with regret. You. Are. Okay.

You are not a failure. You are not less than. It’s not that you’re “not good enough.” You are not defined by your mistakes.

You’re just a mess. A snotty, angry, grizzling mess.

Some of the most interesting and attractive people I know are a sh*t storm of a mess.

You’re okay.

But when you’re done being a pile of tears, and you may take as long as you need, grit your teeth, clench your fists, tilt your head back and scream to the moon:

“I’m not done yet!”

Because you are wonderful. You are not perfect and you nor anyone else should ever expect you to be. But you are worthy.

You are worthy of kindness. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of love.

It will be okay. It’s going to be a hell of a ride and you are going to feel pain. But you’re also going to feel happiness and joy like you couldn’t imagine. You will love again and you will wonder why you never knew it could be this good.

You will get lost and find home.

You will break and you will heal.

You will not have to carry this weight with you forever.

You will skip one day and think that you are the luckiest person in the world.

You will lose people and you will find people.

You will win fights and lose fights. But you’ll always keep on fighting.

You will not have all these worries in your mind forever.

Today won’t even be a memory one day.

You will be happy.

I promise.

It’s all going to be okay.

You’re going to be okay.

But for now, take this tissue. I like your mess.

Because you’re most beautiful when you’re not trying.

 

Top 10 things to do when your life has gone to sh*t:


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Author: Andy Charnington

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr

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Andy Charrington

Andy Charrington loves to write, works for himself, has three sons and lives in Birmingham UK.

You can read more of his writing on his Facebook page where he is spending a year writing and publishing something every day as part of his “Adventure”.

You can also support him on his Patreon page here.

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anonymous Nov 25, 2015 5:49am

Thanks so much for sharing these beautiful words! Also enjoyed the video Waylon. Coming from a pre school perspective life is like a great big bear hunt so as in the song “. . . You can’t go under it you can’t go over it, must go through it.” Sometimes the bear is not as scary as you imagined in your head. Sometimes the bear is made larger by your fear.

anonymous Aug 11, 2015 11:41am

oh for the love of shit thank you for letting me cry a little bit more, haha!! aaaagggghhhhh…… I think this will be printed and taped inside of the Fuck It Bucket for me and my kids to pull out and unfold sometimes, then secure back neatly until the next time its needed.

anonymous May 26, 2015 10:34am

As somebody who is “falling apart,” I can’t see how anybody could possibly be moved by what amounts to a pile of empty platitudes.

anonymous May 23, 2015 4:19pm

Thank you. This is what I needed, and I'll be sharing with someone else who needs it. Thank you.

anonymous Apr 22, 2015 12:27am

I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. The past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions and this was exactly what I needed. So thank you, thank you a thousand times over.

anonymous Feb 3, 2015 10:58am

Sabrina! Thank you for your post! Words cannot describe what I felt as I read it, know that it deeply resonated with Me

This article just hits the nail on the head :D.

Wonderful!

anonymous Jan 30, 2015 3:02pm

"Sometimes, you just gotta SWIM in it. You can't go *around* it, you have to go *through* it." Generally, that's sufficient.

What a fabulously wonderful addition to this piece. Dealing with Bi-Polar, Depression, and psychotic episodes, this article really hit home. Though I must address the fact that some people, including myself, don't do well unless they are highly medicated. With this in mind… sure it feels great to unabashedly unleash your feelings. However, when there is another human being on the other end of that, we have to consider the life consequences. I choose to be medicated. I choose life over chaos.

Really enjoyed this one.

anonymous Jan 29, 2015 9:09am

Crying in gratitude today, for this deeply visceral piece. YES. Thank you.

anonymous Jan 28, 2015 5:09am

Great article, Andy, and great to see another guy in the UK writing this!

anonymous Jan 28, 2015 12:02am

Excellent piece; thanks so much for sharing it with us! I REALLY like how you break it down and name several specific feelings we have at times, as well as the hope-filled, positive thoughts for each one. Living with PTSD and recurrent depression for over 48 years, when I encounter somebody who cannot comprehend the absolute depths of despair one can SO quickly sink into, I usually tell them, "Sometimes, you just gotta SWIM in it. You can't go *around* it, you have to go *through* it." Generally, that's sufficient.

anonymous Jan 27, 2015 10:54pm

Thanks 🙂

anonymous Jan 24, 2015 2:32pm

This is perfect. We are certainly most beautiful when we're not trying. Some of the sweetest moments of my life have been when I've just come through a stormy, snotty crying session – I've seen people shine their light onto me, responding to my open, natural presence that isn't pretending anything, for once. A reminder to be real and true. You've put it so beautifully!

anonymous Jan 24, 2015 12:17pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting this out there. As a depression survivor, nothing sent me from a purple funk to the black abyss faster than clueless people chirping "Just smile!! It's not that bad!!"

Be in the shit, own it, and keep breathing until you get to the other side. What. a. concept. <3

Kristie Kooken Jul 10, 2017 11:08pm

Spent the last few months battling Sibo, C-diff, and kidney stones. Felt like life was repeatedly kicking my ass, made the decision to kick it's tail right back. Loved this piece. Thanks for sharing.

Mary Gallant Houghton Jul 5, 2017 5:51am

Thank you from the depths of my soul, the pretending of being ok with all she shit of my life that is going on momentarily and has been for many months will end as of now!

Em Bem Jun 29, 2017 3:37am

Perfect........just perfect

Noa Vodnizky Parker May 27, 2017 5:27am

It’s okay. Recently I have had a long visit from my mum. She stayed with us for a month and when she left, (after the initial few days of relief, having my home and children and days for myself) I have collapsed. Having my mother’s support and then having it taken away has reintroduced me, in an almost brutal way, to my life’s circumstances, my ‘reality’. The mounting responsibilities I carry and the scarcity of the resources. The nature of being an immigrant, a single parent and of being alone. Living the life I love, yet never having enough to comfortably support my family. These have been few weeks of tender rawness. Carefully exploring strong emotions, like feeling my way in a dark maze, bathing in thick fog. It was a painful place to be in, and as always in life it has also manifested into material challenges and obstacles. Thankfully I know better than to buy into these. I know that ‘on the surface problems’ mirror the inner space. That these challenges are always solved and that the ‘yet unknown’ will play a huge part in the creative solutions, when they manifest. Regular Yoga practice is the best path that I know. It is my way of being, working and breathing, seeing and understanding. It is the way I engage and the way I let go. My practice enables me to maintain a broad view of any situation, an understanding of past and future while anchored in the present. It is my gift to offer to the world, even in the eye of the storm. I am not scared. But I am exhausted. And that is an important difference to understand and accept. Both for the person in the dark and for the people around them. Not many people have seen me in the dark. I am grateful to have been born with a solid positive backbone. That said, I understand the nature of life and this human experience to be painted with a whole pallets of experiences and emotions, and therefore will not order myself to Be Happy, when things fall apart. Stay grateful, yes. See the Big Picture – always, and also stay in the rawness for as long as it is real. My favourite part in the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, is when the author reflects on positive affirmations as shutting one’s eyes, blocking one’s ears and shouting ‘I am happy! I am happy! I am HAPPY!!’ or something along those lines. I used to be scared of the rawness, the exposure of my inner hurt, to others and to myself. If things felt like fraying at the edges I would immediately find support in the form of counselling, all sorts of styles and flavours. Then I will sit there and share my own observations and insight. I hardly ever was offered any new nuggets. Frequently I was encouraged to take on counselling/coaching/healing myself. Finally I fully realized that my awareness is solid, that I understand life and myself at least as good as anyone else. And sometimes things fall apart, and that is okay. I am exhausted but I don’t need to be fixed. Asking for help is an interesting thing. I wanted to stay for as long as it took in this dark Moon-phase of unknown and rawness from which I planned on rising up like the phoenix, karmas burnt and vision crystal clear. But in the meanwhile I was drowning. Unable to start a task or keep up with some of the dailies, I called out for help. Basic, practical stuff. Please help me with weeding. Please feed my children and me. Thank you for doing just that. I didn’t need to be fixed, nor did I need a reminder of the nature of life, the cosmic laws or happy endings. I didn’t forget what I know. Nor did I need a reminder of the power of Yoga, of my practice. As always it is there, it is who and how I am. Sorry if I had to avoid you. There is serenity in the deepest core of the darkest hour when you allow love and trust and softness. I was savouring it, to not miss this opportunity of distilling, of shape-shifting. And I knew that this too shall pass.

Veky Woolf May 26, 2017 5:59pm

This is all I needed to hear. You are amazing and thank you very much. <3

Keren Mizrahi Kaner Dec 25, 2016 7:34pm

This brings tears to my eyes..... Because that is extactly how I feel today...thank u

Carolyn Venditti Jul 20, 2016 10:19pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I. Am. Okay.

Matt Pangburn Jul 9, 2016 3:48am

I abso-fucking-lutely needed someone to say this to me. As i read it, i broke down and felt that shit ive been stuffing down to create a facade that i was able. Right now, im not fucking able. And that, thats just fine. From my heart, thank you for this.