Typically, it’s frowned upon to “play games” in a relationship. But not if you do it literally.
Let the Games Begin
Having fun in our sex life keeps us in a place of vibrancy and ever-expanding love. Believe me, I take sex very seriously. But as a professional comedian and lover of all things ebullient, if I’m not having a good sex-inspired belly laugh at some point in my relationship, I’m just not a fully satisfied woman.
Still, it may be hard to envision how goofing around in the bedroom (or outside of it) can translate into deep intimacy.
Unless you and your partner are adventuresome to begin with, it can feel uncomfortable to jump into the art of sexual game-playing. If you can, overlook this initial feeling of self-consciousness and give one of the games and/or toys in this article a try.
Start small, and keep a good attitude. Your partner may be shocked at first, but press on anyway. In the long run, s/he’ll remember that you made an attempt to get closer to him/her in a playful way. That’s the key, really: play. We often forget that sexuality is as fun as it is meaningful. Bringing this attitude to your intimate relationship will ensure a longer, happier sex life.
Love Your Veggies
Not everyone can afford state-of-the art sex toys like dildos and vibrators. Almost everyone can afford vegetables, though. One of the best vegetables for sex play is zucchini. If you’re a little weirded out by this thought, consider this: vegetables have been used as sex toys for thousands of years. In many ways, they’re better than their silicone and latex counterparts because they’re often more flexible, fresher and disposable—or edible, if you so desire. No judgments. Just keep it organic, thanks.
Buy a smallish zucchini to start. Keep it in the fridge for a day or so to get it nice and cool. Just before use, peel the zucchini, making sure to remove all the skin (especially at the rounded end). Use the stem end as the “handle.” Ladies, you may wish to try masturbating with the zucchini on your own at first, if you feel a little silly. However, there’s a lot to be said for sharing this particular game. Its novelty goes a long way.
A low-maintenance game to play with your partner is body painting. Many stores that sell sex aids offer body paints in fruity and chocolate flavors. These kits come with calligraphy-style brushes for easy and attractive application. If you’ve seen the film The Pillow Book (1996), you’ll see the attraction to this sensual game.
If you don’t feel like shopping for the supplies, you can easily make your own body paint kits with cake frosting or caramel ice cream topping. Jams also work quite nicely. Apply any of the “paints” with a craft paintbrush.
You don’t have to go crazy buying an expensive brand, but keep in mind that the bristles should be soft enough that the application is pleasurable. This is part of the fun—as is licking the paint off afterwards.
Most of us enjoyed treasure hunts when we were kids, but they can be even more fun as an adult. Plan a treasure hunt for your lover by hiding intimate and/or suggestive items around the house for him/her to find, with notes that give clues to each new location.
If you choose to be the treasure at the end of the hunt, you can select an obvious location (i.e., the bedroom or in a hot bath), or you can take the treasure hunt outside the house and have your mate seek you out at your favorite romantic restaurant. The depth of creativity is up to you.
Everyone loves to get sexy love letters. Why not leave one on the fridge? Perhaps you never considered buying one before, but an erotic magnetic poetry kit offers an easy and fun way to leave a hot message for your lover. Take turns leaving love poems or messages for each other. Don’t think too much about what to say; let the words on each magnet inspire you.
Bonus Tip: Write each love poem down (or even take a photo of them) and make a book. You can present the collection to your lover as a birthday or anniversary gift.
Next time you and your lover are doing something routine—watching a movie at home, gardening, doing housework, whatever—flash your lover. You can do this subtly by, for example, not wearing a bra and wearing a loose top that exposes you when you lean a certain way.
You can also spring a full-fledged surprise attack: Men can ask their lover to refresh a drink for him, then, have her return to find you bare naked on the couch. For added fun, act like nothing is different…for a minute or two, anyway.
A Public Affair
Teasing each other in public is a tantalizing way to put a spark in your relationship. Depending on your comfort level, here are a few tips for public flirtation in ascending order—from tame to downright naughty:
Steal a kiss. Anywhere, anytime. The important thing is spontaneity.
In a bar, excuse yourself and go to the rest room. Instead, stop by the bar and have a drink sent over to your lover. Make sure the server says that it’s from “an admirer at the bar.” When s/he gets it, and looks over, be there waiting with a sexy smile.
When you’re out together somewhere quiet, like a museum or a movie theater, whisper in you lover’s ear something sexy that you’d like to do with him/her tonight.
“Forget” to wear underwear. Remember to tell him.
It’s said that if you dream about water, you’re actually dreaming about your sexuality. It’s easy to understand why: It’s soothing, supportive and comforting. (In fact, water was our first home, in the form of amniotic fluid.)
Making love in water is an experience not to be missed. The lapping of waves against your skin, your bodies held afloat and weightless… However, many people find it difficult to achieve full penetration while submerged. This is due to water being sucked up into the vaginal canal, filling it and leaving less room for the penis. There is an easy way around this problem.
If you’re making love in a bath or hot tub, simply lift your bodies just above water level at the time of penetration. In a larger body of water, you can either swim to a more shallow area and do the same, or the woman can keep water from entering her vagina by not fully relaxing the vaginal muscles until the time of penetration. Hard to do when you’re aroused, but since water is a natural lubricant, chances are you’ll be able to move toward penetration a little faster than on you do on dry land.
Bonus Tip: Any excess water can be expelled from the vaginal canal by simply using the same muscles to push it out.
Remember that sex—while a serious part of our lives with our partners—is also meant to be a celebration of the soul and the flesh. Enjoy yourself. Let loose. Laugh. A lot. And, as always, happy loving!
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Rachel Astarte
Editor: Catherine Monkman