The scariest thing I ever felt was
So soul crushing and suffocating
I worried it would kill me.
So I lived half a life,
Flirting with delicious demons of distraction
Desiring each day to stave off that dreaded
But my Loch Ness monster of loneliness,
She lurked in the black sea of night
Patiently stalking sunset
Prepared to pounce again and again
On my tender, now lonely soul.
I cried and cried,
A vicious red tide till morning’s first light.
I sobbed and sobbed,
Till a thousand tears stained my tattered cheeks.
I became a fugitive on the run
Desperately seeking anesthesia of any kind
To numb this wicked emptiness.
Drinking in lovers
Praying for friends
Longing for acceptance
I ran so hard for so long that my legs gave out.
And then it was just me.
In the dark.
There was nowhere else to turn, so I turned inside—towards myself.
I slipped into my loneliness like a frothy bubble bath.
I sank down and drank it in.
It was painfully bitter, but beautiful.
My heart shattered open
Like a tender, throbbing lily,
I held my blooming heart tight
(But not too tight)
And finally felt at
I blossomed frantically
As my petals spread out,
I saw that loneliness doesn’t disappear in a crowded room,
Or in the embrace of a new lover.
Or in a sea of thousand smiling faces.
Loneliness grows in our own hearts,
Stemming from the deep disconnection
Of our bodies, minds
When I feel lonely,
I know I need to be alone
To coax my heart out of hiding
To offer solace to my soul
And reconnect with the bursting beauty of my
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Sarah Harvey
Editor: Catherine Monkman