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February 14, 2015

20 Ways to Laugh on President’s Day. {Funny Quotes}

President

Being the President of the United States has to be the hardest job on Earth.

It’s up to him (or her, hopefully in the near future) to figure out how to get our country out of debt, how to intervene in the just the right way when the North Korean’s start to get antsy and, ultimately, they are the ones who take the heat on any big decision.

It doesn’t matter the outcome or which big issue we’re talking about—legalizing pot, legalizing gay marriage, health care, abortion, whatever. The thing is, they can’t please everyone. There will always be some percentage of the nation upset and complaining, calling them names.

It’s a stressful, serious and often times thankless job. One, I imagine, must require a good sense of humor in order to stay sane.

This President’s Day, I’d like to honor all those Presidents who knew the key to making it was knowing how to laugh at themselves.

(All quotes found at About.com)

”Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”

~ President Bill Clinton

”I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.”

~ President Ronald Reagan

”These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, ‘Intelligence Briefing.”

~ President George W. Bush, joking at the 2001 Radio-TV Correspondents’ Dinner

”What a week. As some of you heard the state of Hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. Hopefully, this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case there are any lingering questions, tonight I’m prepared to go a step further. Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video.” [The screens plays the scene from Disney’s The Lion King when Mufasa, atop a cliff, lifts Simba up as the other animals in the savannah look on].

~ President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner (Afterward, Obama said, ”I want to make clear to the Fox News table that was a joke. That was not my real birth video. That was a children’s cartoon. Call Disney if you don’t believe me, they have the original long-form version.”)

”Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.”

~ President Ronald Reagan

”I am glad that the only person whose ratings fell more than mine last year is here tonight—great to see you, Jay Leno. I’m also glad that I’m speaking first, because we’ve all seen what happens when somebody takes the time slot after Leno’s.”

~ President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

”I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.”

~ President Bill Clinton, on the White House

”I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: ‘Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.”’

~ President John Kennedy

”What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?”

~ President Ronald Reagan, on Clint Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel

”Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.”

~ President Lyndon Johnson

”My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”

~ President Jimmy Carter

”Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

~ President Abraham Lincoln

”Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”

~ President Ronald Reagan

”Now, I know that he’s taken some flak lately but no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”

~ President Obama, ribbing Donald Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

”I hope you’re all Republicans.”

~ President Ronald Reagan, speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt.

”If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.”

~ President Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

”Sometimes I feel like the fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs. For six years I had declined to tell those kinds of jokes, because I have been told it is not presidential. But I feel kind of outdoorsy today.”

~ President Bill Clinton, at a party honoring the 150th anniversary of the Interior Department

”Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth.”

~ President Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

”I must confess I really did not want to be here tonight. But I knew I had to come. That’s one more problem that I inherited from George W. Bush.”

~ President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

”Just think what my margin might have been if I had never left home at all.”

~ President John Kennedy, commenting on the fact that he had campaigned hard in Alaska and lost but won Hawaii handily without visiting it.

We thank you for all that you do, laugh on Mr. President.

 

Author: Brenna Fischer

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: imgur

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Brenna Fischer

Brenna Fischer lives in Okinawa, Japan and is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor, writer, avid rock climber and hiker.  She snorts when she laughs, loves horrible puns and is currently saving up to attend The Vegan Academy full time. You can find her online at her website where her and her fiance collaborate on health, climbing, and extreme sports media, or email her! Read here to see more about what she does.