5.7

Let me explain: 50 Shades of Grey & BDSM.

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There is a whole lot of hoopla all over the interwebs and airwaves about 50 Shades of Grey right now.

Its theatrical release coinciding with Valentine’s Day should only further the chatter and curiosity, to the author and production company’s delight.

I read the books. I will say that they are not very well written. No disrespect, but it is everything a romance novel is meant to be…and not be. It’s an easy read that has a lot of sex in it, however, the euphemisms used to further describe a quite undesirable experience wore on my last nerve. The storyline kept me mentally checked-in though.

It seems many people are not happy with the book due to its perceived “intimate partner violence” (IPV). There’s even a hashtag (#50dollarsnot50shades) which is growing in popularity and asking people to donate the $50 they might spend on the movie and concessions to a local women’s shelter. I just finished reading an article by progressive Christian, Mark Sandin, who I respect very much, in which he claimed that this (IPV) was his own problem with the novels and why he would not be supporting the movie.

Here’s the thing:

Yes, 50 Shades of Grey revolves around two people participating in a BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism) relationship—however, BDSM is not about violence. The roles of BDSM partners are, in and of themselves, while unequal, complementary to one another. The idea of informed consent of both partners becomes essential. It is less about control, isolation and pain than most people believe.

Practicing BDSM involves high amounts of trust and vulnerability. So much so that it almost becomes, dare I say—spiritual. What is spirituality without trust and vulnerability? Can you be spiritual without daring greatly to bare the most intimate knowledge of yourself? Having a spiritual connection at that level to something outside of ourselves is at the heart our desire. Desire, not lust.

While leaving yourself exposed opens you up to the greatest pains you’ve ever known, it also allows you to experience things at a whole new level. Love. Sex. If you’re going to keep pieces of it unavailable, you’re never going to know the heights you can reach. That’s the real idea behind BDSM. At least for those I know personally who practice it.

As with anything, people get involved for the wrong reasons. Just like marriage and even religion, when you add the wrong person and abuse of power, especially where vulnerabilities are concerned, the potential for things to go wrong or become abusive is high.

That’s always going to be the problem with vulnerability.

Spoiler Alert:

In the storyline beyond the BDSM in 50 Shades of Grey you find that Christian Grey (man, that’s a loaded name) was an abused child. The only way he was able to become successful was to lose his inhibitions through a BDSM arrangement. 50 Shades of Grey is actually a reference to the many levels that are not black and white that make up Mr. Grey, not bruising as many people insist. It is also through this arrangement that he is finally able to fall in love because it allows him to become vulnerable.

So, you see there is actually a lot more to the story than meets the eye. If you look for it, you’ll find a really deep lesson in vulnerability. And who doesn’t need more vulnerability in their life?

Just imagine, fantasize if you dare, the possibilities.

Relephant:

So What’s the Deal with 50 Shades of Grey?

Author: Stephanie Myers

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Video Still

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Managed IT Services Aug 6, 2015 5:16pm

She is being groomed by a predator, not invited to willingly enter into a dom/sub relationship. In addition, it perpetuates the dangerous myth that abusive sociopathic partners can be "healed" if you just accept and love them and allow them to abuse you.

Vijay Mar 1, 2015 8:22am

What FSOG is protraying is sheer violence, not BDSM! I guess somewhere the author has her protagonists right: a pervert and an amateur virgin! Everything else is just a phony story about a needy guy -gets frustrated when the girl does not submit herself to him- and a lady who has no idea what foreplay is all about. All the hype around the movie made me sick as to how can people be promoting such acts? I suggest having the floggers and a mask does not make it BDSM, like having the best soccer shoes and the ball does not make you the best player. As the book's story goes on, the writer tends to hide the BDSM idea, she knows she's got it all wrong in FSOG, I suggest marketing the second part(if it were to be made) will be comparable to the pains of the BDSM "victim"…

Bibi Feb 25, 2015 12:29pm

Anna is not that innocent as everyone is making her out to be. She is old enough to voice her opinions. Christian didn’t know she was a virgin. She withheld information from him because she was so smitten with him. If she got hurt, it’s because she should have come clean from the beginning. at some point, he realizes she was a virgin and felt horrible and she wanted to go through with what he wanted. Everyone keeps putting all the heat on Christian but I feel like Anna, a college student should have the wits to know what is good for her or not. I will say that Christian being a mature adult should have restrained himself from the BDSM stuff with her since she is new to sex, but that’s about it. Finally, I think the movie should have been made for HBO or Cinemas or showtime not the public. This way, you get to really see the hardcore intensity the book conveys. Making it for public consumption took away it’s power because it had to be streamlined for mainstream audience, most of whom didn’t appreciate the book to begin. People who didn’t get the book only saw sex and a relationship they can’t understand because their views are so black and white.

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Stephanie Myers

Stephanie Myers is a girl daring greatly to live life on life’s terms with vulnerability and my sense of humor still in tact. She is a former, urban, legal minion who has been disabled and now passes the days as a reluctant, suburban housewife to a 2nd husband whom she’s decided to keep, as well as a mother to three children, an aspiring diva, a jedi and her pickle, an adopted stepson with special needs. She writes candidly about the trials of everyday life, love, marriage, sex, parenting and thriving with mental illness and chronic health problems.