To my Soulmate I Choose not to Love.

Via Janne Robinson
on Feb 13, 2015
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Photograph by Daniel Holden

I have a theory that we have multiple “ones.”

That there is not just one soul reserved for us to love, learn and go deep with.

This was a hard lesson to learn, meeting my first soulmate, one—what have you, and realizing I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with him.

I remember grieving the day he got engaged, because in a hopeful, stubborn way part of my heart had refused—until that moment—to believe he wasn’t my forever person.

He was on the wishful back burner of my heart.

I called my mother, in tears and she told me that he still was my person. He still was a one. He was still my soul mate.

I realized that just because he wasn’t my forever didn’t invalidate his importance in my life and our connection.

Our connection has remained something incredibly significant, something I fall back upon in my heart when I need to.

When I need to remember exactly what I want in a partner, I remember what a staggering soul he is—and I wait.

I want to talk today about the other “ones,” the soulmates we may meet while we are single or in a relationship that we don’t end up with.

That we have a sure fire connection with, real as any—but because of timing we don’t always go deep with.

I think it is incredibly mature to, without shame, acknowledge that in our lifespan we will bump into handfuls of succulent souls we want to take a bite out of.

Whether we are single, in a relationship, engaged or married we will run into other ones.

I also don’t think acknowledging these connections means we love our partners or want to be in our relationship less—it just means there’s a f*ck ton of souls/lovers on this planet we could dance with/learn from.

They are the ones we meet in a coffee line-up, the one beside us in our yoga class, the guy at the bbq who’s engaged.

It’s the ones we meet and feel an undeniably powerful connection.

A connection that leaves us wanting to know more.

I think we make a choice, whether we engage in these connections.

These words are for the ones we meet and don’t explore. 

The ones we love fully but don’t spend the rest of our lives with.

Those we run into at the grocery store and never see again.

The lovers we never take apart with our lips.

The partners we don’t open to and go deep with.

The people we don’t have a chance to have a first soul dip with.

The soul mates we skip coffee with, and look over our shoulder—for just a slight moment and wonder about.

The connections that exist that are missed, by choice.

Because we are involved, because they are unavailable, because one is simply not ready for love.

These ones are just as important as the forever–for we are here to connect, and what a gift to know that there are endless humans to open our hearts to and dance with.

What a treat to grow with multiple souls in a lifespan, or to simply know there are others out there who want to grow with us.

It is powerful to acknowledge these soulmates and thank them for the small reminder that in this massive, swallowing world we are never without the possibility of love.

 ~

Relephant read:

Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is.

Author: Janne Robinson

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: courtesy of the author, media library

~

How to fall in love with yourself, from our founder Waylon Lewis:



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About Janne Robinson

Janne Robinson is a poet, writer, bushwalker, idealist and animal activist currently residing in Vancouver Island. She cuts kindling with her teeth, eats Bukowski for breakfast and makes the habit of saying the word feminist as much as possible. She surfs naked, pees in the woods, and loves whiskeys that swing their hips when they walk and know what they are doing. Janne's life-work is to be transparent. She makes a living off hanging her dirty and clean laundry out for the world to see. Her mission is to give others permission to also walk and exist with the same transparency. You can connect with her on TwitterInstagram and Facebook. Please also visit and connect with her Facebook writer's page. Check out Janne's website.

Comments

47 Responses to “To my Soulmate I Choose not to Love.”

  1. Sara says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I really needed to hear someone explain this to me.

    I am experiencing this right now, and struggling with accepting that we will never be together in the way my mind expects us to be. The experience with him has given meaning to what love is, for me. At some point, I hope the sadness passes, and I am able to embrace what I have learned.

    I ran into the following quote on Pinterest, and it really brought it home for me.

    'To love is to recognize yourself in another.' -Eckhart Tolle

    I will love him forever, regardless of how things turn out, because I see me in him, and to be compassionate to myself, I ultimately feel only compassion for him. He is a mirror for me, and it has helped me see & learn a tremendous amount about myself. Stuff that I couldn't see for myself without seeing it in someone else first.

    p.s. Thanks elephant journal for the overwhelming value for $13/year. The 'right timing' of so many of your articles is magical. It prompts so much insight and learning, I really can't keep up. It is awesome to know there is so much amazingness flowing from this URL!

  2. elephantjournal says:

    Sara, it is great to hear that you are truly and consistently valuing us as you are! Thank you for the support and for the specific and positive feedback. You can write, too, if inspired. http://www.elephantjournal.com/submit/

    Warmly, Renee

  3. Mystic Rose says:

    This…is so true. It is exactly what I have also discovered. I am a seer myself. Last year, I was writing a series of articles for which I had to dig very deep into my inner well. It brought me to the heights of mental and spiritual clarity. During a break I watched some “random” videos and as one person was speaking it it, he turned toward the lens and looked into my eyes. I knew right away we had an energetic connection that would bring us close if we should ever meet. It wasn’t necessarily what would be if. It was more of a “what is and may or may not ever be acted on”…or even noticed. This person is somewhat famous. I was able to learn of remarkable things we have in common. Ironically, a former close friend used to be a fan of his and had told me, “you should listen to his music but not look at his picture, because it’s all about the music”. I think my friend, a male, thought he would be unattractive to me and that it would make me not care for his music. As a musician myself it turns out I have gone through my life playing my instruments in a similar way, listening to and even playing this person’s music without knowing, and kept in the blind my whole life as to how attractive I actually find this person. I can honestly say, that I have never thought about him as a potential lover. But I have felt it. There is a difference there. One is all you and it’s all in your head; the other is only half you and the other half is a mystery. He made me aware that he is one of my soul mates, and that I have many others I have not even met. I also came to terms with another soul mate that I did fall in love with and hurt over when he was not ready to settle down with me, but loved me nonetheless. I was able to make complete peace with him. I realize that I have family members who are soul mates and with whom I have no physical relationship. It isn’t just about romance.

    I came to understand that on the astral plane, what is near to our hearts, and what is on our minds, is what we are truly close to. Only on the physical plane, are we near only geographically. Our soul mates are on the other side of the world, maybe those we never met, and we are closer to them. In this world, we are doing the same work. We are helping each other. And we can’t all be in the same place at once.

  4. Gina says:

    This sums up the thoughts swirling in my head. Great article. I think it especially hits strongly on the point that when we are in an exclusive relationship/marriage, chances are we will meet multiple people through out the time being and if you let it, you will question leaving your partner over one of these souls, a lot of people twist this part of life up and leave over one of the many soul mates.. what it comes down to is a choice and realization that this will happen over and over, we can choose to dance with them on a lighter level and continue to choose our committed partners.

  5. Ana says:

    Brilliant insight – well written article. I had a soul mate like this. He came into my life when I was on the wrong path and made me see what I was doing wrong, then moved away, having fulfilled his purpose in my life. It was a tough time in his life too. The funny thing is, I’ve only seen him a handful of times in the last decade, always when one or the other of us was struggling, only long enough to say hello. I think that is maybe the entire point of it – in this lifetime anyway. To just brush fingers when necessary, to boost each others spirits and then go back to our regularly scheduled lives. And that’s OK. The definition of soul mates in our culture is too narrow. There are lots of people on earth we connect with, if only for a time, or a purpose, not forever.

  6. Ivan Q says:

    i also have found this truth in life. It got me thinking and I formulated a postulate regarding soul mates. The idea was that soul mates don’t exist and are waiting to be discovered, they are made between two succinct & intertwined souls.

  7. Sandra M says:

    I walked away from a soul mate 6 months ago, my first love. And even though I knew it was best, it still hurts. I left because of timing… because we grew together for a time but then I knew in my heart I needed to grow apart and away. It helped that he was so protective, that he gave me no space to befriend men—in my yoga life or otherwise. This is what gave me the courage to leave him. But all of that never changed how I felt about him. The connection in my heart still plays like a ghost on quiet days.

    I saw today that he has a new girlfriend, and then I saw this article. Thank you for sharing, Janne <3

  8. Lesley says:

    Beautiful. Really, really, beautiful.

  9. Volox says:

    I agree… there are multiple soulmates out there for everyone.
    http://voloxveracity.blogspot.com/2015/02/multipl

  10. Eva says:

    I juse feel maybe one is not diving deeply into a soulful relationship when they are taking notice at all the passing souls. For me it is almost like I have unplanned blinders I'm just so deep. It seems that being this way so needy of meeting the souls around you, so eager one is not full with ones own soul. And I don't mean this this in any demeaning, disrespectful way. Just something I felt before and feel. Reading this is quite sad to me , how can you deeply cherish and absorb if you are easily preoccupied and side track. Yes there so many beautiful souls but how can you truly say you have felt deepness if you are not diving deep and relishing that one.

  11. Anon says:

    Wonderful reply, Eva. I can't help but feel the same way. Here comes a lot of personal opinions that might help some and not others. I'm not out to offend anyone and I don't have a real issue with this article. It was an interesting read, I'm just here to offer my take.

    The article definitely has a purposeful theme of considering other beautiful souls one meets throughout their lives as potential lovers, in an almost possessive way, and seems to imply that you could fully love someone you hit it off with in a coffee line or at a BBQ. It's odd, I've never felt quite this way. There are definitely beautiful souls I meet that I want to love and share genuine human emotion with and open up to and learn more about, but this is a desire for friendship, not to call them "mine". These other people have their own lives and minds and it can be foolish to assume they think of you in the same light of a "missed opportunity". The message behind this article could definitely bring some hope and happiness to someone who is single and wondering if there's anyone out there for them. There are many beautiful souls in life who /can/ make excellent soul mates, partners, but you can't know if your souls really do align unless you have already been with this person and both bared all, been through the best and worst times, and after so much still only serve to be a source of love and light in the other's lives. Genuinely successful, mutual, loving relationships that stretch far into the horizon are not so quick to come by as attractive/charming people you cross paths with out in the world. So if you do find yourself in one of these positive monogamous relationships, it is definitely part of your responsibility within it to not let yourself get so distracted by fantasizing (which is all this really is at heart) that you begin to cherish your partner less for it. If you aren't in one such monogamous relationship, you should still be careful not to fantasize about others to the extent that it bleeds into reality. Because of the amount of beautiful people in this world, you don't need to spend much time half-wishing coffee/BBQ person wasn't happily married with 3 kids, you can go out and meet someone who is prepared to be considered by you. I am lucky to be in a wonderful relationship for 5 years now, every day we love each other more. I'm not afraid to talk about this as if I'm bragging, this is something we both worked hard to achieve, something we've earned. and are proud of the accomplishment. I have been that person, happily taken, exchanging a few nice words with someone in a line, who then becomes the object of their affection for a series of very shallow and skewed reasons that they genuinely think means love (that special soul mate kind of love), though they didn't know a damn thing about me, and I hadn't for a second thought any more of them than some especially nice person in a line. Getting to -really- know another person, head to toe, inside and out, past to future, best and worst, and cultivating a positive (for both parties), giving, long-term-relationship out of those experience, THAT is where this deep, meaningful, relationship can be found. Allow yourself, no matter your relationship status, to make friends and be a person of love but not to feel possessive over individuals who aren't yours. What's truly mature, is to admit that they don't belong to you (in fact, no one truly ever does), and to heal and grow in another direction, even though it's bound to be hard. Clinging to the idea that they're still somehow yours is a toxic habit for you and can stunt cultivating new relationships in a genuine, whole-hearted way. My general point here is to avoid this idea of possession over anyone, and to allow yourself to be always growing into a person someone would want to stick with through the ages, because you can never rope a person into loving you, but you can certainly be a person who others want to love, and the better you polish yourself and your soul, the more you encounter similar people in life who have been making these efforts also, to be a person, not possessive of love, but inviting of it. and you may then find yourself a soulmate, neither of you owning each other for a second, but having every intention of spending the rest of your days together, because your love is so true and your souls are so kin. That's my advice! Long post over, I promise. <3

  12. Mr. Record says:

    “I realized that just because he wasn’t my forever didn’t invalidate his importance in my life and our connection.” Reminds me of Suite: Judy Blue Eyes some. I agree, things just ‘are’ sometimes, no explaining it, no rationalizations, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Thx 🙂

  13. Ginel says:

    I have felt exactly that. It almost feels like u have read my diary. And I assure u, time wiill make u forget. U won't love him forever. That love u have for that man u felt was ur mirror will disappear. What remains, however, is that little sadness. Just a small emptiness that can't ever be filled because everyone is irreplaceable. But trust me, u will stop loving him.

  14. Ginel says:

    completely agree. this article also, in fact, made me feel a bit sad. loyalty , hello? no need to be looking or yearning for other souls if u are in deep with one soul as the moment. i agree that there r many souls that can be kindred with urself, throughout ur lifetime… but the soul u r involved with, is the soul that deserves full attention.

  15. @DiaShoni says:

    I think a lot of people only consider soul mate in the romantic sense, when it is so much broader than that.

  16. kimmer625 says:

    YES! A million times yes! I give this out as advice all the time because when I realized it, it was such a relief and a sense of ecstasy! We are made to connect with people – not just one. I felt torn up inside when I realized there was another soulmate for me when I was already married – but yet, I didn't love my husband any less; thus, I realized that we have many many soul mates out there. And just because I found my husband first, that's the soulmate I'm with, and I'm dedicated. That realization allowed me to have a friendship with the other person with whom I found a very deep connection and not only accept the feelings I was having towards them, but celebrate it – because it didn't detract from my marriage! It was a celebration that I can connect to more people than just my husband! So, i don't feel the need to "cheat" or show any romance towards this other person, but I'm also not going to keep myself from feeling connected to him either. This is seriously one of the secrets of life!

  17. Bryan Reeves says:

    Gorgeous Janne. As a 40 years living Man, it's all so true. Lovely. Bryan Reeves.

  18. Leroy says:

    Sara
    And to know that he feels the exact same way for you…truly remarkable.

  19. Guest says:

    I feel this post so profoundly…..

    My hearts is rent anew every time SHE waltzes into my life, like an astronomical phenomenon, and then leaves just as quickly, with nothing to show for it but the invariable topsy-turvy mess in my life.

    I would've wanted nothing more than for Life to give us a chance to know each other deeper and take it from there, but there were other plans. Star-crossed all the way: if Life were a movie, she would be Jenny, and I would be Forrest Gump.

    And I can't tolerate the guilt that this causes me, since my feelings for my wife aren't on the same level as the deep, throbbing, soulful yearning that my heart feels for HER. Nothing but unending sadness in the HER-shaped hole in my heart.

  20. Amanda says:

    Just today I read this text on my news feed about soul mates, by Ram Dass. It was eye-opening and empowering. Perhaps you will find some of the same in reading it.

    An excerpt:

    “But you begin to see how you keep coming to the same place in relationships, and then you tend to stop. Because it gets too heavy. Because your identity gets threatened too much. For the relationship to move to the next level of truth requires an opening and a vulnerability that you’re not quite ready to make. And so you entrench, you retrench, you pull back and then you start to judge and push away and then you move to the next one. And then you have the rush of the openness and then the same thing starts to happen. And so you keep saying ‘Where am I going to find the one when this doesn’t happen?’ And it will only happen when it doesn’t happen in you. When you start to take and watch the stuff and get quiet enough inside yourself, so you can take that process as it’s happening and start to work with it. And keep coming back to living truth in yourself or the other person even though it’s scary and hard.”

    https://www.ramdass.org/the-idea-of-a-soul-mate/

  21. thanks for this! I still feel the pangs of an unavailable soul mate and when I miss him I remember our connection is there for eternity.

  22. shaunn says:

    Purely simple really. Human beings are not designed for monogamous relationships, it's only natural. #Packanimals

  23. John Hays says:

    The most succinct way to sum up what we learn from our alternate soul mates is to say "I don't want to be needed but I do need to be wanted."

  24. Rena says:

    I just want you to thank you for what you’ve posted. I’m not “alone.”

  25. Laura says:

    We meet a lot of possible 'soul mates' along the way… There will ALWAYS be someone else. The way I see it is if you were really meant to be with THAT person it would have happened, no excuses. So you are not meant for each other. It is a choice to truly Love. Respect and love your self, love and respect the person you are with and move on.

  26. L.J. says:

    In polyamorous relationships, as in monogamous relationships, meeting other "ones" with whom you have a soul connection can be an everyday occurrence, but the difference is it's openly acknowledged that these connections don't diminish the love and commitment that you have for your partner(s). You don't need to wonder what would have been, or deprive yourself of the novelty or experience of that soul mate, unless of course the feeling is not reciprocated or that other individual is not in a position to. I am in a monogam(ish) relationship at the moment. But I hope that if either I or my partner were ever in a situation where they were struck with a sense of deep connection with another person outside of the relationship, we would trust each other and love each other enough to give the other one permission to experience the beauty and vulnerability of exploring it.

  27. Kaz says:

    Karmic connection – when you take on the idea of rebirth and that you may have been around for many births in this world. That means you have been connected with many souls deeply in the past. Because that connection was there before, when you meet again, in another time and form, the soul knows something is powerful about that connection, but can’t put it’s finger on it. I believe it’s the fruit of past karma with that soul and there is a settlement going on.

    What I liked about this write up was the aspect of choice. If you want to keep life simple then better not to act on the attraction impulses going on in your head as you would only be adding to the past karma in a negative way, and it’s likely it will result in sorrow at some point in the future, especially if you or they are in a relationship already.

  28. Shh says:

    I see where this article is going. I see the point that you are making. But I highly disagree. I think this is a poor excuse to trick yourself, along with all the other people in your situation who cannot cope with the idea of just being with ONE person. Yes, timing is everything. You have to be wanting to connect with somebody on a deeper level in order for a relationship to work but it also goes both ways. You cannot deny the fact that when you have the urge to connect with someone, they must capture your attention first. It is HUMAN nature to find strong physical characteristics which also happen to be the standard in our society to what we are attracted to. Men who have broad shoulders, are proportioned, tall, etc are more initially sought after. Woman who have have curves in all the right places will always be more initially sought after. Sure these are shallow things to say but this is hardwired into our brains. A girl who fits these characteristics are more “fertile” and men who have the traits previously listed are most physically endowed therefore, they are more desired in order to pro create and pass on the strongest genes possible.

    Now let’s add preference. Because we are conscious on a much higher level than the average animal, we also have the ability to have a “type” of person that we are most attracted to. These characteristics now include, hair color, eye color, facial traits, temperament, personalities, hobbies and even their career paths. Now look at all these factors and tell me what the difference between a “connection” and a “soulmate”?

    A connection can be made because of preferences, which in my opinion is a mixture of human nature and human consciousness. Eye contact with someone, exchanging of greetings, holding a door for someone. These are connections as well. But the most important aspect of a connection is that it has to engage both of you, positive or negative.

    Now lets talk about “soulmates”. In my opinion you have one soul mate. There is not multiple soul mates, there is not one TRUE soul mate while you have myriads of “normal” soulmates. Mind you, this only applies to people who are 100% for monogamous relationships. The general definition of a soul mate is somebody you have come in contact with who you already feel a deep un-explainable connection to before even getting passed their peripheral layers. You can also say this is infatuation. The beginning of every relationship undergoes heavy levels of sexual drive and sexual desire. This is also a process in which people get to know each other due to the level of intimacy this process demands. In order to create the “soulmate” definition that you speak of, you must put forth the effort to get to know somebody. What everyone seems to confuse with finding a soulmate is that you instantly somehow KNOW they are your soulmate. Wrong. In my opinion, the true definition of a soulmate is someone who you are highly compatible with. Despite knowing everything about that person, you still love them them fully. It’s how EFFORTLESS your relationship seems to be because of how well you two are synced after even disclosing to one another. No matter how look at it, a relationship will always have its ups and downs. There will be obstacles and struggles to overcome but the fun part is, you’re not alone because through the entire journey you have your partner or “soulmate” by your side and he/she has you.

    Now think for a second. we’ve established timing is important right? We have established what people find attractive naturally is pretty similar to the standard of what our society defines “attractive”. Your examples of potential soul mates such as; those who we love fully but don’t spend the rest of our lives with or those people we run into grocery stores that we may never see again – are a bit far fetched in my opinion. You are thinking very one sided. Yes, you can love someone fully but if they do not love you the same way back then it’s probably a good thing you did not spend the rest of your life with that person. If you put forth all your love and effort into the relationship and it did not work, then maybe he was the one holding back. If that was the case, then he was not your soul mate or you can simply say, he was not willing to put anymore effort into the relationship or he was not ready. Essentially, the timing was off. Move on and realize there is somebody out there who will appreciate the shit out of your efforts and love you back fully for who you are. Now onto your example of a potential soul mate that you ran into at the grocery store. The thing is, I will agree with you that there are many people out there for you. But I would also like to emphasize greatly how important it is for the person whom you consider a potential soul mate to feel the same exact way as you do. What if you happened to approach that person by choice because you found him/her cute but you happen to not be his type or preference at all? Or despite your efforts, all he wanted from you was sex? Let’s say that WAS the outcome but since neither of you approached each other, you will never know. But since you did not take the chance to talk to him, you convince yourself he could have been a potential soul mate? That’s irrational thinking. It’s taking an unknown and tricking yourself that you may have missed out on a HUGE opportunity when in reality, it wasn’t.

    The example of an engaged man at a bbq as a potential soul mate is disrespectful thinking. That’s ludacris to take someone else’s relationship, their love, their time, their effort, their hard work, their level of connection, their commitment, their blatant affection for each other (due to their engagement) and say they’re a potential soul mate to YOU when they are already clearly each others.

    I just want you and everybody to know that when you do find somebody, please give that soul the love, respect and most importantly, the attention that it deserves. That person may be 120% fully ready to give you his/her love, respect and commitment but it’s hard to see that when you’re focused elsewhere. How can you be truly happy if you’re constantly looking for other souls to “take a bite out of” when your mate could be the man/woman you are with right now.

  29. Kamtamtamis says:

    You expressed exactly what my heart feels about this too. Thank-you.

  30. Danny says:

    Yes! Annon. Very well said. In my youth, I was the King of spontaneous encounters, sexual and otherwise. It’s a bit like fast food ….not good for you, but it fills you up fast. Fantasy is wonderful, but most people are not happy to be an object if sometimes fantasy( creepy). This article reads like a ” Grass is always Greener” for dummies handbook.

  31. Danny says:

    Yes, I concur! This new throw away society continues to try to justify this grass is greener concept, like it is new and ground breaking. Nope, same old story.

  32. BJ says:

    The idea of a “one and only” is Cinderella, usually couched in youthful idealism. My brother claims a good male friend as his Soul Mate. He’s completely heterosexual and has a wife. Soul Mate doesn’t necessarily equal Lover. The ways we limit relationships in our culture are endless, and sometimes pointless. We do, though, often like convention and hold dearly to it at times, often limiting ourselves unnecessarily.

  33. Joe says:

    My soulmates name is Lesley

  34. Jessica says:

    This is such rubbish. You're just hung up on the wrong person. Stop dwelling on the wrong past and move on. I was once like this… hoping, longing, missing… my old "soul mate". Till I met the person I am with now. I cannot believe I spent so much time hoping and wishing for the life I once had! If I had been like all of you I would have never moved ON. I now have a love deeper, stronger, more powerful and incredible than I ever could have imagined. That person I once loved was a pale memory in comparison to the blessing I have now, as you said, your "soul mate" moved on, he met his soul mate, you just havent met your real one.

  35. The illustration says it all. If I were the guy, I'd tell her to get her head out of my lap and throw a blanket over her legs. Anybody else see the mixed message in that picture?

  36. JD says:

    This is SO VERY TRUE!!

    I thought I’d lost the love of my life forever and mistakenly married someone who was wrong for me in every possible way. While plotting my divorce I befriended another “one,” who, not so ironically had a birthday one day before soulmate #1. I assumed I just loved them both because they were so similar. Maybe it’s because they were both Scorpios. Regardless, #2 got engaged. We confessed out love tobone another but it went our separate ways. We still see each other from time to time, and I’m so thankful we were able to walk each other through major events in our lives. Of course I had to keep my distance once he got married and I got divorced. And not so ironically, again, soulmate #1 unexpectedly came back into my life. We’ve been married for 6 years now and have 2 kids. It’s more than I ever could’ve asked for in life. I feel like the universe was covering my back. I these two nearly identical souls crossed my path for a reason and I would’ve been happy and content with either of them.

  37. JD says:

    “I realize that I have family members who are soul mates and with whom I have no physical relationship. It isn’t just about romance.”

    Yes!! And friends, also. I feel this way about some of my best female friends. One is a lesbian and it’s always confused me and complicated the friendship because I worry that she’ll misinterpret our connection. But absolutely your friends and family can have a “soulmate-like” connection.

    I’m also chuckling to myself because my husband and I have had some tension due to a male friend that he’s been giving a lot of attention to. I’ve joked he’s the “other woman.” I’m wondering if it’s the soulmate connection at work.

  38. wolfy says:

    Yeah, I don't think I'd call someone a soulmate if it's one sided. People use the term soulmate to imply somebody is ready-made for you, while there can be an almost instant connection; I don't think a great relationship can be just found, it has to be made by both of the people involved.

  39. ren says:

    this was incredibly and beautifully said and I agree 100%. thank you for this.

  40. Janet says:

    I wish this were true. I have found only one man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he broke our engagement and married someone else. That was forty years ago and I never found anyone else. Perhaps I missed some people (in the grocery store, in an airport line) but it is too late for me. I’ve had to live my life on my own, still in love with number one.

  41. Ksel says:

    I'm sorry but this sounds selfish to me and almost as if you are using this as a reason to cheat on your husband. Not cool at all.

  42. Ksel says:

    So beautifully and realistically written. Thank you!

  43. Gman says:

    Depressing…

  44. lsk676 says:

    Thank you so much for this…I really needed to read it. I have been with my husband , whom I love dearly , for 20 years (I'm only 39) …..but he is not my soulmate…..my first love is. He and I have always stayed connected through out the years and I even came close to leaving my husband 10 years ago when we were going through tough times for my soulmate….but that was just way too complicated and would hurt a lot of people so we parted ways and I repaired my marriage….but I still think of HIM…all the time. For the first time since we called things off, he finally met the "one"…he is crazy in love with her….my heart feels like its being ripped out…but I know if we were suppose to be together, we would be…..I know my husband is the one I should be with and I'm very happy with that ….but the one that truly got my soul will always have a little room in my heart, locked away for no one to see and it kills me.

  45. Mariska Lemmer says:

    I am so relieved to read your comment Eva. I could not agree with you more. If you are allowing yourself to be so open to connect with another person in such a way that you feel it is your soulmate (as well) , what does that say about the depth of your current relationship? Thank you!

  46. khalesee says:

    Love it!! After thinking for a long time that I had found my soulmate which turned out not to be the ONE, because of exactly what you said, he did not love me as much I loved him, years later I found a man which is untill today a "effortless" relationship because we just sync in any way. I am so happy that I could know what real love is and not just a fantasy or a fling

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