To my Soulmate I Choose not to Love.


I have a theory that we have multiple “ones.”

That there is not just one soul reserved for us to love, learn and go deep with.

This was a hard lesson to learn, meeting my first soulmate, one—what have you, and realizing I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with him.

I remember grieving the day he got engaged, because in a hopeful, stubborn way part of my heart had refused—until that moment—to believe he wasn’t my forever person.

He was on the wishful back burner of my heart.

I called my mother, in tears and she told me that he still was my person. He still was a one. He was still my soul mate.

I realized that just because he wasn’t my forever didn’t invalidate his importance in my life and our connection.

Our connection has remained something incredibly significant, something I fall back upon in my heart when I need to.

When I need to remember exactly what I want in a partner, I remember what a staggering soul he is—and I wait.

I want to talk today about the other “ones,” the soulmates we may meet while we are single or in a relationship that we don’t end up with.

That we have a sure fire connection with, real as any—but because of timing we don’t always go deep with.

I think it is incredibly mature to, without shame, acknowledge that in our lifespan we will bump into handfuls of succulent souls we want to take a bite out of.

Whether we are single, in a relationship, engaged or married we will run into other ones.

I also don’t think acknowledging these connections means we love our partners or want to be in our relationship less—it just means there’s a f*ck ton of souls/lovers on this planet we could dance with/learn from.

They are the ones we meet in a coffee line-up, the one beside us in our yoga class, the guy at the bbq who’s engaged.

It’s the ones we meet and feel an undeniably powerful connection.

A connection that leaves us wanting to know more.

I think we make a choice, whether we engage in these connections.

These words are for the ones we meet and don’t explore. 

The ones we love fully but don’t spend the rest of our lives with.

Those we run into at the grocery store and never see again.

The lovers we never take apart with our lips.

The partners we don’t open to and go deep with.

The people we don’t have a chance to have a first soul dip with.

The soul mates we skip coffee with, and look over our shoulder—for just a slight moment and wonder about.

The connections that exist that are missed, by choice.

Because we are involved, because they are unavailable, because one is simply not ready for love.

These ones are just as important as the forever–for we are here to connect, and what a gift to know that there are endless humans to open our hearts to and dance with.

What a treat to grow with multiple souls in a lifespan, or to simply know there are others out there who want to grow with us.

It is powerful to acknowledge these soulmates and thank them for the small reminder that in this massive, swallowing world we are never without the possibility of love.


Relephant read:

Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is.

Author: Janne Robinson

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: YouTube


How to fall in love with yourself, from our founder Waylon Lewis:

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lsk676 Dec 14, 2015 7:40am

Thank you so much for this…I really needed to read it. I have been with my husband , whom I love dearly , for 20 years (I'm only 39) …..but he is not my soulmate…..my first love is. He and I have always stayed connected through out the years and I even came close to leaving my husband 10 years ago when we were going through tough times for my soulmate….but that was just way too complicated and would hurt a lot of people so we parted ways and I repaired my marriage….but I still think of HIM…all the time. For the first time since we called things off, he finally met the "one"…he is crazy in love with her….my heart feels like its being ripped out…but I know if we were suppose to be together, we would be…..I know my husband is the one I should be with and I'm very happy with that ….but the one that truly got my soul will always have a little room in my heart, locked away for no one to see and it kills me.

Gman Dec 8, 2015 1:09pm


Janet Oct 4, 2015 12:24pm

I wish this were true. I have found only one man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he broke our engagement and married someone else. That was forty years ago and I never found anyone else. Perhaps I missed some people (in the grocery store, in an airport line) but it is too late for me. I’ve had to live my life on my own, still in love with number one.

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Janne Robinson

Janne Robinson is a poet, writer, bushwalker, idealist and animal activist currently residing in Vancouver Island. She cuts kindling with her teeth, eats Bukowski for breakfast and makes the habit of saying the word feminist as much as possible. She surfs naked, pees in the woods, and loves whiskeys that swing their hips when they walk and know what they are doing. Janne’s life-work is to be transparent. She makes a living off hanging her dirty and clean laundry out for the world to see. Her mission is to give others permission to also walk and exist with the same transparency. You can connect with her on TwitterInstagram and Facebook. Please also visit and connect with her Facebook writer’s page. Check out Janne’s website.