When writing my new book—An Uncommon Bond—I came upon these terms of he(art).
Traditional language didn’t quite capture the devotional nature of the lover’s journey with each other. I needed to identify and hearticulate new ways of relating, words and concepts that spoke to their wondrous connection. Here are some of those terms:
Love Dictionary Excepts (from the book An Uncommon Bond)
CUDDLELINGUS: When a lover orally innerfaces with a woman’s yoni (vagina) with great tenderness and presence. A kind of labial love hug that is slow, subtle and sweet. Instead of attacking the yoni with the tongue in an assertive attempt to satisfy, the yoni is attuned to—gently and devotionally, without agenda or end-goal. An intimate tongue cuddle, one where the yoni feels seen, cradled, and honored. A divine, reverential thirst quenching for the giver, and a blissful, delicate unfolding for the receiver. A cuddle party of the highest order.
HEART-ON: A male erection not inspired by external stimuli, but ignited from the heart outward. A heart-on indicates that the heart-genital highway is in communication, and open for travel. An erection where soul-sourced love is the sexual turn-on. When the love is true, physical arousal is God’s way of showing his Divine face. The penis as a conduit to the cosmos.
HEARTICULATION: The language of the heart. A new love-lexicon of longing and union that flows from the tides and rhythms of the receptive heart. You don’t learn this grammarless language through your mind. You learn it by letting your most vulnerable heart open and speak its truth. There are no guidelines, no limitations, no reference points for hearticulation. The more you open, the more the love dictionary expands. Soundings and utterances of an ever-deepening nature. Heartspeak.
KARMASTRY: Sexual and/or energetic chemistry between two people that is sourced in a karmic contract of a sacred, universal order. Traditional chemistry between two people often originates in physical attraction alone. Karmasty is chemistry that emerges from a vaster karmic backdrop—two souls drawn to each other because of a karmic, cosmic and soulular pull. This may be the first time their souls have encountered each other, or, the karmastry between them may thread forward from prior lifetimes, rippling into this present space and time. Those with karmic contracts come together to work through past mate-rial, and integrate new lessons—serving their evolution. Karmastry can reflect any side of the human spectrum—from horror to bliss, gory to glory, shadow to light and back again. Although we are led to believe that connections of this powerful a nature are intended to last a lifetime, they often are not. They may exist for the blink of an eye, lasting only as long as necessary to actualize their encoded intent. not always a joyous visitor, karmasty often enters our lives for challenging reasons—to teach us an essential lesson, to crack through our emotional armor, to inwaken us from our perpetual slumber. Be careful what you wish for.
LOVE ELDERS: Individuals who have traveled love’s highways and had a vast array of relational experiences. They have explored the heights of ecstasy and the depths of suffering, and, rather than turning away from the teachings at the core of their experiences, they chose to remain in the fire until wisdom was birthed. At the heart of their work is the belief that love relationship is a spiritual practice, a portal to divinity that must be nurtured with compassion and attunement if it is to bear fruit. In sharp contrast to the individual consciousness models long advocated by patriarchal thinkers, Love Elders advocate for the development of relational consciousness models that will serve humanity going forward. They move from the belief that we are not just here together to keep each other company—we are here together to show each other God. The portal is each other.
Their work is to support others as they navigate the difficulties that arise in all forms of soul-based love connection. They help guide couples over challenging terrain—making it to the other side with their relationship intact. They illuminate some of the particularly complex dynamics that can infuse soul-based relationships—providing a clearer backdrop and context, and a warm ray of hope during dark times. Hearticulators extraordinaire, they also help individuals to find healing and closure around relationships that cannot be sustained.
OURGASM: A climactic merging of beloveds that catapults them into God while lovemaking. not limited to the genitals, an ourgasm permeates every cell of the body… and then, expands far beyond that, as the couple touches heaven and beyond on their love-loomed magic carpet. This is not an ordinary orgasm based on pleasure alone. An ourgasm is an essence-sourced liquid love climax that illuminates and celebrates God’s face. It is a love-making so perfect in oneness and unity—a merging so total—that it ultimately consumes itself by exploding straight into divinity. An energetic love-burst that both includes and transcends the body itself. A cuming together that eclipse any notion of a distinct “you” and “me” and morphs into ours.
SACRED SHAFT: A reverential term for the penis as a vessel for divinity; a cosmic missile straight into God. In the unawakened man, the penis is a pleasure-seeking—and pleasure-giving—device. In the awakening man, it is much more than just that. It is a sacred carrier that helps to transport both to a higher love-consciousness. It is a column of love-light, a holy pillar that pierces the veil of separation between lovers. AKA: Godstick, Godrod, Soul Shaft.
SOULENDIPITY: The inter-weave of foretellings, clues, dreams, visions, signs and symbols that demonstrate Divine Orchestration is at work. This orchestration can serve many purposes, not always visible to the naked eye. Regarding personal relationships, soulendipity is an indicator that two souls are destined to cross paths—ready to journey together here on earth. Various hints nudge them in each other’s direction—a divine treasure hunt. Once the souls do come together, their journey often continues to be framed by these signs and sightings. The challenge is clarifying why they are being invited in each other’s direction. That is, what is the learning, the growth, the expansion at the heart of the connection? Is it to love one another eternally, or are there other lessons waiting in the wings?
SOLEMATES: A higher-level love connection that is emanating from the Divine yet perfectly finds its feet here on Mother Earth. Solemates are the embodied counterpart of soulmates, the other side of the coin; the yang nested within the yin. They move and relate from the ground up, rather than from the sky downward. They don’t live their love as an ecstatic flight of fancy—they make a determined effort to land it in everyday life. A mature and seasoned bond that has recognized the fact that their connection doesn’t just have a place in the cosmic and divine realms, but also has a perfect place down here and now, in human existence. They have endured the many challenges of integrating their emotional material, so they can live seamlessly in love, on this plane. They put a strong emphasis on integrating their relationship into every-day life, ensuring its groundedness and sustainability. They continue to work on their psycho-emotional issues and reinforce their boundaries so their soulful connection can be held safe. They make no distinction between their spiritual and earthly lives. They participate in society not to the extent that they abandon their uniqueness and morph into homogeneity, but in a way that keeps their timeless relational energy grounded in the flow of time. And as they solidify as solemates, they are better able to impact this earth plane, touching and affecting humanity.
SOULMATES: A higher level connection that is sourced in essence and the call of the soul. Most often, soulmates recognize each other instantly, overcome by a sense of familiarity and shared karmic lineage in each other’s presence. They sense that the other holds a key to their transformation, their very wholeness. Although they match on the higher levels, they have yet to master a grounded, balanced, practical relationship here on earth. And some may never. This may be due to their developmental spiritual-emotional maturity—they don’t yet have the mutual foundation to ground the relationship on earth. Or some may not be meant to “land.” They are simply meant to travel into higher realms together, for however long and deep. Soulmates are the sky-based counterparts of earth-based Solemates, and when a couple can master both realms (Wholemates), they become the Everything.
UNCOMMON BOND: A term crafted by author Jeanne Achterberg, arising from her own studies and the work of cultural anthropologist Virginia (Ginny) Hine. The following definition is taken from my Master’s Thesis on the topic, which was based on Jeanne’s writings and our dialogues: Uncommon Bonds are love connections that are sourced in the transcendent and transpersonal realms. The couple feels destined to have met: their connection is sourced in grace. This often leads to an experience of parapsychological or paranormal events, such as synchronicities, soulendipities, and non-local communications that defy known laws of time and space. There’s a knowing of pure recognition of the other—a feeling of being cut from the same cloth, a sense of having occupied the same body in a previous life, or perhaps one soul residing in two bodies. The lovers experience a prayer of gratitude and a sigh of relief as though coming home after decades of wandering: “Ahhh, there you are.” A transpersonal energy dances within and between the couple. Spiritual practice is important to them, since the relationship is of-ten experienced as the premier spiritual engagement, an outgrowth of a relationship with the Absolute. Sexuality is also experienced as a spiritual practice, holy and sacramental, a doorway leading to expanded consciousness and even touching pure consciousness. The union feels as though it transcends personal neurosis, addictions, affairs, impotencies, inadequacies, great sorrows, and the pure and inevitable facts of growing old.
A soul-crafted dynamic, the relationship polishes the rough diamond of the soul, our very essence. For this reason, the relationship is sometimes arduous, complex and often accompanied by many dark nights of the soul. During times of separation, the tether to life seems to be violently and forcibly torn apart, often experienced as a kind of abyss in the absence of the other. There’s a sense that the soul work could not happen in any other way than through the relationship. There’s also incredible bliss and profound ecstasy during the course of the transformative process, along with a sense of wholeness and completeness. Holding simultaneously to a sense of distinct self and connection to the bond at times feels overwhelming. Repeated dancing back and forth—now self, now disappearing, wave to particle and back—characterizes the growing, changing, polishing, and refining process. Whether experiencing separateness or union, the couple are always passionately alive.
Additionally, the couple feels bonded on all levels—body, mind and spirit. When they remain together, physical attraction and erotic cohesion last a lifetime. The couples often share in mutual life’s work, or they long to work together one day. They are aware that they cannot grow to the next level without each other. Finally, many uncommon bonds do not have a sexual or intimate component. Some are linked as friends, others as teacher and student, parent and child, co-workers, or siblings.
V-PASSIONA MEDITATION: A term to describe intimacy as a spiritual practice, one where impassioned, heart-centered lovemaking (sexual inter-source) is an excavator of deeper truths, a clarifier of consciousness and a portal to divinity. With hearts weaving and hips heaving, the lovers ride their mutual bodyship into God. not to be confused with Vipassana Meditation (or Insight Meditation)—a solitary meditation practice that uses mindful breathing and contemplation to gain insight into the true essence of reality. V-passiona focuses on human connection as the doorway into authentic insight, revelation, inner peace and truth. Lovers explore the universe on their meditation cushion built for two.
WHOLEMATES: A love relationship that spans all realms and ways of being. Both solemates and soulmates, the connection is mutually sourced in essence, and grounded in the earth dimension. Rather than living through limited threads of consciousness, the couple ascends with both feet on the ground, penetrating the everything in their daily travels: shadow and light, gory and glory, shopping list and unity consciousness. A kind of conscious in-coupling, the partners endeavor to marry all archetypes and ways of being, bridging body and soul in love’s cosmic kiln. Soul-to-Solemates, they have mastered sky (the higher, deeper, soulful levels) and earth (the healthy, grounded, balanced life and personality levels), and have finally become a complete ‘Realationship.’ On the river of essence, everything flows in the same direction—toward the ocean of wholeness. A harmonized and mutually inclusive consciousness. The path of the Wholly Holy.
WOUNDMATES: Relationships that are sourced in unresolved emotional patterns, issues and holdings. The pull between the two individuals is driven by the unhealed shadow material that each of them carries, often in ways that reflect and trigger the other’s wounds perfectly. The material may have arisen in this lifetime or prior life-times, and may reflect their individual history and that of the collective. Many woundmate connections are difficult to identify because they often have an intensely melded or enmeshed quality, lacking in boundaries and codependent in form. The wounds call out to one another in such a way that the individuals cannot distinguish them-selves from the other. They are also difficult to identify because they often masquerade as heightened and expansive, as the intensity of the wound material catapults the couple into seemingly transcendent terrain. But they always come crashing back to earth with their wounds in tow. Wound-birthed passion is meaningfully different from love-birthed passion, with very different outcomes. Woundmates are not to be confused with soulmates, which can also trigger shadowy material to the surface of consciousness, but are sourced in a more promising and fertile wellspring, one that fosters real growth and progress. Soulmates are drawn to one another by a call to essence. At the heart of their connection is the opportunity to grow in karmic stature, while woundmates often just flounder in the mud, trigger after trigger, downward spiral after downward spiral, attached at the waste.
YONIVERSE: A term that reflects the sacred, universal nature of the yoni (vagina) as the (w)hole of creation. Properly seen and honored, the yoni is a powerful and sacred pipeline to divinity. God’s love canal—the tunnel from possibility to humanifestation. The Divine Feminine as the portal to the universe, the source of Life, the first wonder of the world, indistinguishable from the Godself, Itself. When we explore the yoniverse with presence and reverence, we are catapulted to a meaning-based landscape that is intertwined with the divine. The yoniverse of meaning.
Author: Jeff Brown
Editor: Caroline Beaton
Photo: Courtesy of the author