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May 8, 2015

The Infamous Question: Why don’t you have a Boyfriend?

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It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon, I have just made some iced green tea, bought a new book (The Awakening by Kate Chopin) and have a new set of tarot cards.

I am so excited, nervous and scared to use the tarot cards. Immediate thoughts rush to the front of my mind: am I using witchcraft? Is this right? Should I be asking “anyone” questions, or should I just “go with the flow”? Nevertheless, I decide to try them out to see what would happen.

So I clear my deck of past energy, as per the instruction manual. I touch each beautiful, detailed, colorful card with my fingertips to brush my own personal energy onto it. It feels mine.

I ask the following series of questions in my mind: Why do people keep asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to have a boyfriend? Or, should I keep living my life the way I have been, focused solely on myself? Am I pushing men away? Am I going to just remain alone?

First off, I am asking these questions because over the last couple of weeks I have been incessantly asked about why I am not in a relationship and why I can’t find anyone. The question stings like a fire burning my skin each time I hear it. It’s like I’m not good enough without a man.

Sometimes, when people ask me how I have been doing, I answer with nothing but positivity (I got a new teaching job, and I love it! I’m traveling to Thailand in the summer to explore the country and get involved in a volunteer teaching program, life is amazing!). After my seemingly beautiful answer, much to my surprise, people respond with, “That’s wonderful! So do you have a boyfriend? Why not? Do you not want a boyfriend?”

Our society has completely engrained into our heads, predominantly into female heads, that a man or a partner completes us. People consistently act and behave as if I am running out of time (I am only 24-years-old by the way).

Anyway, all of these recent events have led me to ask these questions to the tarot card deck. Much to my surprise, two tarot cards fell out of the deck as I was shuffling them. The guidebook states that if a card falls out or calls attention to you, it is important.

I read the first card: Ace of Water-Falling in love or the resurgence of a relationship. Meaning: “A wonderful new person is coming into your life! This could involve a budding romantic relationship or renewed romance within your current relationship. Positive emotions such as joy, pleasure, and happiness are likely. You may find yourself falling in love.”

My face turns red; tears begin to swell in my eyes. The universe is actually speaking to me! It is guiding me, and it is letting me know that everything is going to be okay.

I read the second card that fell out of the deck: It’s Archangel Zadkiel saying, “The need for balance and moderation. Cooperation and compromise. Wait for perfect timing.”

Instant relief pours over me. I was right, and the universe just confirmed it. I am going along with the timing of my life. I am living my life to the fullest. I am traveling, working hard, searching for the things that call out my passions and taking the time to do things that I love and that nourish my soul. This is what every young woman should do at one point during her 20-somethings. This is my time. I am taking every single moment of it and living completely fully.

So, to the people who throw these daggers of questions my way, and hundreds of other young women—please stop. How about we celebrate one another’s successes instead? How about we uplift each other instead of pointing out losses or empty holes? I truly do not believe people try to hurt me when they ask these questions or say these words, but it indeed is very hurtful.

To all my fellow females out there, keep doing you. And, to all the gentlemen uplifting women out there, keep doing you. We appreciate you. As I finish writing this, the rain has stopped, and I realize that life is beautiful and everything will come to us at its own significant and specific time.

There is no rush. I recently read somewhere that a person could be very old at 35-years-old, and very young at 75-years-old; we are only as old as we feel and believe. If we miss out on an event, person, or whatever it may be, it just means something better is coming our way. Trust the timing of your life. Sat nam.

~

Author: Vedrana Maric

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: FaceMePLS/FLickr

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