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June 24, 2015

How to Tell if We are With the Right Partner.

couple on bench

The wrong person makes you lose yourself; the right one brings you home to yourself.

~

*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

I heard this message during a random conversation a couple of days ago.

I stood still and meditated on the actuality of this notion. It made me think of all the persons out there who are confined in relationships with partners who aren’t right for them.

In the past, when it comes to relationships, I never believed in something called “this person is right for you” or “this person is wrong for you.” I thought that one always makes it work no matter what.

But fairytales only belong in books.

This is real life, and in real life there are people out there who are just wrong for us. The good news is that if we are ready to realize this truth, we are more than capable of removing the blindfold off our eyes to see again.

If you can relate deeply to any of the below, you and your partner are just not right for each other.

You are constantly fighting.

Fighting in a relationship is good. I think a relationship that is deprived of fights is terribly unhealthy.

Fights can help us learn so much about each other. It allows us to see the “bad side” of our partner. Additionally, fights are a great way of letting all negativity out.

Although fighting is beneficial, constant fighting is not. If the bad times are starting to outweigh the happy times, there must be something wrong.

A person who is right for us will indirectly make us happy and in peace with ourselves.

However, a person who is wrong for us will constantly make us unhappy, even when he is trying his best to put a smile on our faces.

Whatever we were doing, unhappiness will go with us hand by hand when we are with a wrong person.

Feeling as though something is missing.

When we are with a wrong person, we will continually feel as if there is something missing. Even if our partner showers us daily with flowers, we will unconsciously dig out a problem and point it out.

Nothing is actually missing, but our confusion about whether it’s right is what drives us to believe that something is.

Unconsciously pushing them away.

Eckhart Tolle mentions in his book “The Power of Now” a very true statement that is related to love and relationships. He says when you truly love someone, you don’t have the urge to push his buttons; or as he puts it: “you don’t activate his pain-body.”

After a certain period of time, every person in a relationship knows what pushes his partner away. If we always have the urge to attack our partner, bring up a problem or fight with him, we are unconsciously pushing him away.

In other words, we unconsciously don’t want him.

We constantly fight, so he or she leaves.

It just feels wrong.

The first question we should ask ourselves when engaging in a relationship is “What is my gut telling me?”

Our intuition never goes wrong. Although most of the time we ignore it, but deep inside we know that there is something that just isn’t right.

The solution is to tune into our guts and guide ourselves through listening to that inner voice inside of us.

There is always a battle.

A relationship with a wrong person will create an ongoing battle in our heads.

One day we want to be with him, the other we want to leave him. As a result, we start creating gaps in the relationship that will affect both parties.

We feel ourselves slipping away.

To lose yourself means to lose all the things you used to do before meeting your partner.

Whether it’s the jogging in the morning, the meditation, the reading during the afternoon, or your favorite program at night…with a wrong person we will stop doing them.

The reason is that the confusion and unsettlement in our heads will keep us so busy we won’t even have time for ourselves.

There’s no more passion for life.

Being with a wrong person will actually drive us to lose passion for living.

Not that we think of committing suicide or jumping off a cliff. We just won’t have the excitement to go out, meet with friends, make plans, travel or engage in any other activity.

The wrong person will literally suck the energy out of us. Thus, we will feel tired most of the time, only wanting to sleep or stay at home.

Staying with the wrong person and knowing it is a huge red flag. Most of the time we stay in relationships out of habit and attachment, all the while mistaking these things for love and unconsciously offering excuses to our unhappiness and misery.

We can’t fail to remember that: “Magic happens outside our comfort zone.”

Why not give that magic a chance?

~

Relephant:

3 Things to do when our Relationship is Struggling.

 ~

Author: Elyane Youssef 

Editor: Renee P 

Image: Charlie Foster/unsplash  

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