There’s been a million ways written, some by me, about leaving for ourselves or leaving for the other.
Sometimes even another. But none seem to echo the parallel felt when—in equal measure and naked emotion—we say, “I love you, and I leave you”.
There’s beautiful stories about leaving because we love.
Poetic resonance is found in our longing for a happy ending—a shift of focus or a shred of pride. But none compare to the very human feeling of a heart, pulling two different ways, until it rips clean in half.
There are poems, songs and artwork to be made—in the name of lost love, of unrequited or forgotten love, and of hurt, shock and scars from love. Yet, none seem to resonate in the way I truly want to vibrate—with deep down truth as human, as well as heart.
Because, perhaps, we don’t have the words. Only the feelings they can conjure, and the feelings get close to explaining to others. How we crave and yet distrust—adore and yet forget. How we miss for no reason whatsoever and then run for just the same.
Music brings us closer—to how it feels to have our hearts unstitched—because it makes us feel, and because it lets us remember we can. Beyond the theories, equations, logic and talking, and beyond the dreams and the nightmares—the wishes and the falls. Behind the masks and the pretty paint we use on the ugliest of walls, it reminds us that we feel at all. It reminds us of how it works.
With no words and no touch, just the simplest of things—we feel. With no reason or explanation or psychological path—no inheritance or experience or learning or facts. Quite simply, “I am.”
So, “I love you and I leave you,” whilst breaking inside. Is nothing more than an extension of this.
“You made me feel.”
Because they were the music that enlivened our heart. That made us and broke us and took us away. They were the reason we got up in the morning. And they were the reason we were still awake by the morning.
There’s no poem or lyric contained in this truth. It’s all just an attempt to play back what they sounded like—how we sung in our bones and died choruses in our minds. How we breathed and we drowned, like we’d never seen the sky.
And we’ll never be able to explain to another why.
“I love you and I leave you.”
Is the most illogically truthful thing, that we could ever honestly say.
Author: Andy Charrington
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina