I’ve tried to be a perfect good girl for a long time.

Smiling big at all the right moments

Covering my stinging wounds with pretty pink sequins

And laughing loudly when all I wanted was to weep uncontrollably.

Silencing myself daily, with my own two hands

Smacking down any ugly, unpleasant feelings

Sh*t—being a good girl isn’t so good, at all.

It sucks me bone dry

As I people-please the days away

Catering to everyone’s whims but my own

Pretending I never feel pangs of anger or sadness or jealousy.

A life spent longing, hoping, wishing for everyone to like me

And being nice at the price of being sane

Is empty, empty, empty.

My soul screams for something more substantial.

She screams for freedom and raw, peeled back honesty.

Do I have to be a bad girl to be free?

No.

I can just be me.

I can unravel, thread by precious thread, and fall apart.

I can be a kaleidoscope of spinning emotion.

I can say the most beautiful word in the world: No.

I can lie in a crumpled mess on the bathroom floor.

I can be angry at the most inconvenient times.

I can just be me.

Messy. Raw. Imperfect as f*ck.

Being a good girl isn’t so good, at all.

It’s a trap. A cage. A colorless existence. A brilliant way to silence ourselves.

I refuse to be a good girl. I refuse to be quiet.

I am ready to step from those suffocating shackles.

And be me.

Messy. Raw. Imperfect as f*ck.

~

Relephant Read:

This is for the Women who Don’t Give a Fuck. {Adult}

~

Author: Sarah Harvey

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: Flickr