I was stopped in my tracks late last night as I viewed the emotional video of Emma Murphy urging women to “just walk away” from a partner who physically abuses them.
In the video Murphy is shown with a black eye, the result of an argument with her longtime partner and father of her children over allegations that he had cheated on her with another woman.
She urges women to just walk away from someone if they ever raise a hand to them or hit them, because if it happens once, it will happen again.
This hit home for me, because I have been as abused woman.
The first time I was bruised from someone who supposedly loved me, I excused his behavior because he had been drinking. I thought that, like he said, if I had just stayed out of his way, if I hadn’t gotten him mad, then I wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
I believed it would never happen again.
Often times, the bruises that women wear are just the beginning.
Most men who physically abuse a woman also mentally and emotionally abuse them as well. We are told that no one would ever want us, and that any sort of anger is our fault because we have provoked them.
Women who are abused mentally, physically or emotionally are literally beaten down until our very being relies on the person who is causing us the pain in the first place.
I have been with lovers who were controlling. I wasn’t allowed to have male friends, and on occasions when they saw me talking to men, they became outraged and blamed me and suggested I had cheated or was planning to cheating on them. During these relationships I had no idea who I was anymore because I had spent so many years trying to be the right kind of woman so that they wouldn’t get angry and leave me.
Unfortunately, men who abuse need to feel in control—and when they feel their control slipping away, their behavior can become even more erratic.
There were a million moments that I wished I had taken Emma Murphy’s advice—and just walked away—but I never did until much later.
My wake up call finally appeared as I cried myself to sleep one night, my entire body in so much physical pain as I recited “this is not love” to myself over and over again. Unfortunately it took drastic incidents for me to decide to leave the unhealthy relationships I was in—but millions of other women never find that courage.
Domestic abuse is never okay. We do not ask for it. It’s not because we made them angry, or yelled, or complained because they didn’t do something. It’s not because they are drinking, or doing drugs. It’s not because they had a bad day at work, or because they don’t feel good.
We are never asking for it.
Men who are emotionally balanced will never blame a woman for their actions. They won’t ever hit, or push or abuse them physically and they won’t want to control them or isolate them from friends.
I didn’t ask for it. I never asked to be called a slut, a bitch or a whore. I never asked to be thrown around. I never asked to be pushed. I never asked to have my head slammed against the wall.
I never asked to be abused.
Like Emma Murphy, I am hoping both our stories will inspire women to just walk away from domestic violence.
If he does it even once, he will do it again.
Just walk away.
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Youtube Screenshot