August 15, 2015

How to Love a Man who has Never been Truly Loved.

dreadlock couple

“A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him: believe in him, encourage him and be his peace.” ~ Denzel Washington

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to venture into a journey of love with never ending optimism and hope.

A man who has never been truly loved may not believe in the awe inspiring, soul shaking connection that can exist between two people.

This wonderful man of ours will be reluctant with his heart—and he may run away at times, preferring the quiet of solitude to sort through his thoughts.

He is the quiet of the stars and the hush of soft lips upon our collarbone.

He is going to have one foot on the gas—and one on the brake, unsure how to best go about navigating this new world of love and intimacy.

If our man has never truly been loved—it won’t be for his lack of trying, but for his lack of vulnerability.

To experience love, we have to open ourselves up to it—and that means opening ourselves up to the possibility of hurt as much as the chance of never ending bliss.

A man who has never had his soul touched by true love may have a list of failed relationships for which he blames himself.

He may question his ability to love altogether—he wonders if there is something inherently wrong with—love hasn’t come easy for him like it seems to for others.

He may question if life is better alone, because at least in the shadows of solitude he feels safe—he knows there is no chance of hurt and disappointment.

The greatest gift we can give a man who has never been truly loved is our patience while he gains the courage necessary to embark upon the journey into lasting love.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to truly teach him what love is all about—although it isn’t done with poetic lyrics of forever, but instead in the simple actions of true love.

It’s taught in the quiet, patient, uncomplicated moments that show him what he’s been missing by playing life safe from the sidelines.

It’s languid interludes and pressure free nights of laughter and hot kisses—it’s letting what will be will be, knowing there is no reason to rush the secrets of our hearts.

Because it seems he’s confused lust with genuine love.

While he may have said tempestuous words to another—and heard them himself—he has never experienced what it really feels like to be looking into the eyes of a woman who holds the key to his heart.

Often, in the ignorance of youth, we are self-doubting and we believe that any love worth having is one that we cling to—that if it’s not difficult, or painful, then it really isn’t love.

These were relationships based in jealousy, insecurity and the fear that at any moment it could end.

But this isn’t how to really love a man—or a woman for that matter.

To decide to love a man who has never been truly loved is to understand that the going may be slow at times, because to do anything for the first time takes a bold sense of courage. Our love knows that he’s venturing into something that is new—he may not know how to navigate these new waters.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to expect that he may not know what love really is. He may not understand his feelings and may question each step along the way.

This love affair will be a dance of both patience and passion.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to appreciate that the best things take time. It’s a kind of love that has to seep in from the edges until we both become soaked by its power.

There is always another day to get it right.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to be willing to open our heart and soul to him long before he does to us. He’s going to be waiting for the ball to drop at any time—simply because that is what he is used to.

It’s an appreciation that while he has loved, most likely he has never been truly in love himself. It may not be because he has locked his heart away, but instead because he has yet to find someone patient enough to wait until all the locks are removed.

Some men are more careful with their hearts than others and sometimes no matter how much they want to be in love—they can’t make themselves feel something that they don’t.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to make the commitment to stay true to ourselves, because the only way to gain the trust of a man like this is to show him that we want to see each and every part of him—both his light and his dark sides.

It’s supporting him silently from the sidelines, letting him know that he can count on us.

It’s not judging his path or the choices he makes, it’s not putting him down because we don’t understand him—and it’s especially not ever giving up on him.

It’s supporting him in all that he does, even if we know he’s making a mistake—because really there are no such thing as mistakes—only lessons learned.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to make the choice to be his strongest supporter and biggest ally.

It’s wanting to be his best friend as much as his lover. Although we may teach him about love, he’s going to teach us about life—this balance truly lets love grow.

To love a man who has never been truly loved is to make the choice to wait—with our hearts open and our eyes clear of doubt until he decides he is ready to take our hand and embark upon the adventure of love together.


Relephant read:

How to Love a Girl Who Doesn’t Know How to Be Loved.



Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr

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