September 4, 2015

Dear Miss Independent—Stop Carrying the Weight of the World.


“I am not a one in a million kind of girl, but a once in a lifetime kind of woman.” ~ Unknown

My dear Miss Independent—I know your secret.

I know that you wear your independence as a shield to cover and protect yourself because you have been hurt and you know what it is like to do everything on your own.

So, you choose independence and you wear it like your goddamn red flashing heels on a fancy night out. You think that you are choosing this life, but honey, the reality is you are letting it choose you.

The truth is—there is no strength in pretending that you can do this life all on your own.

I am asking you, no, I am begging you to put down your shield and sword—you don’t have to fight the world to make a point.

I know that you have been disappointed, and that you have been left alone one too many nights to ponder life, love and how you got to this place where you’re currently sitting.

I know that you have clung to independence, as a child holds tight to the skirts of her beloved mother—because this seems to be the one thing that you can control, the one thing that won’t leave you no matter what.

But the truth is Miss Independent—just because you can do it all on your own—doesn’t mean you want to, or that you have to.

It’s okay to admit that you might need another—that while you’re comfortable in your independence that doesn’t mean that you’re always happy with it.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to cry—let yourself be moved by life, and let it spill out over those gorgeous lashes of yours and wet your cheeks with reality.

You are no less independent or amazing if you cry—if you find yourself at the bottom, unsure how to get back on top again.

Never doubt that there is beauty in your tears, in being vulnerable and letting your fear show.

This is the secret, my beautiful—you are amazing.

You have held your sh*t together through the strongest storms and the darkest of nights. No one doubts what you’re capable of, but sometimes you have to just lay it down and admit that you need more.

You are independent, you are strong—but that doesn’t mean that you’re not also vulnerable, that your heart doesn’t bleed for the desires of your soul.

I know that you believe that you are the only one who you can count on—but it is simply untrue.

You have to crash down those damn walls.

Break apart everything that you have built around yourself, and destroy every preconception you had about being a woman.

Because the truth is Miss Independent, you have got your life together.

You are successful—you can fund your own life—and your own dreams.

But that doesn’t mean you still don’t long to be taken care of.

I know those words are scary, because it means that you’re going to give up a bit of independence. You’re going to relax the reins on your heart and your life, and you are going to let someone in who you fear has the possibility to destroy you.

But you can’t let your fears of what could go wrong stop you from dreaming about what could go right.

I know that your heart breaks because you have been taught that there is something wrong with you because you seek more than most just settle for.

I know that your fantasy life can barely be explained to others—so it terrifies you when someone comes along who challenges the walls you have built up to protect yourself.

You are independent, and you always will be.

You will always have your eyes on the future and your mind in the present. You will always be striving to be better than you were yesterday, and you will be damned if you or your children will ever suffer because a man dropped the ball—once again.

I know that surreptitiously, you sometimes see those beautiful men as the enemy—but don’t worry—your secret is safe with me.

Because I also know that what you fear the most is also what matters to you the most.

I know that secretly you dream of a love that will hold and cherish you in the way that your independence does now. I also know that you don’t think this exists—or at least you tell yourself that to make it easier to cling to your ways of self-preservation—but, the truth is, it does exist.

But the thing is Miss Independent, if you act like you don’t need anyone—they will actually believe it.

Even when it is the furthest thing from the truth.

Because the most complicated enigma is the woman who is independent—but who still craves a man.

Sometimes, those who say they can do it all on their own, are the ones who also need the most help.

This doesn’t mean that you need a prince on a horse to come in and rescue you—but maybe it means that you need to let yourself be rescued all the same.

We are not damsels in distress, but inside, we are as fragile as they come, for there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who has been broken, but keeps on believing in the magic of love—even if we like to pretend that is not the case.

I know it’s scary to let down your guard and to admit that you might actually need someone.

But, you are no less independent or amazing if you let someone share in the weight of your world.

In fact, knowing what you need and not being afraid to go after it is the very declaration of sweet independence.

Because the most beautiful, vulnerable thing you can do Miss Independent, is to let yourself be loved.

Relephant bonus:



21 Ways Feminism will Change You.


Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: Darius Marshall/Unsplash

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