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September 10, 2015

How the Path of Mindfulness Rescued my Long-Distance Relationship.

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I was devastated.

I wasn’t sure if I could deal with the situation I was in, and I had no idea how I should survive six months without seeing her beautiful smile. The only thing I knew was that I loved her and that I wanted to make it work. I just had no idea how.

About one year ago I was too broke to visit the girl who I still confidently call the love of my life. Now you might ask yourself how you can be too poor to visit your girlfriend, but it might make sense to you when I tell you that she lived thousands of miles away.

I was in Europe, she was in Asia and I felt myself trapped in a situation that I neither wanted nor expected. The fact that I was unable to see, touch and feel the love of my life for such a long time caused a mental breakdown.

One day I found myself crying in the corner of my room. I was unemployed, had no money and I missed her more than words could describe. The only thing that saved my life and my relationship was a book that my mother gave me.

The book was about meditation, the Buddhist philosophy, awareness and mindfulness.

At first I looked at her like she was insane. I never believed in those things, but my frustration about the current events motivated me to give it a shot. I read the book in one session. I was blown away.

Two weeks later I found myself meditating on a regular basis and feeling completely at peace with myself. After only two weeks my relationship was better than ever before, even though we were still miles away from each other.

I Detected My Sabotaging Behavior

Today I know that the path of mindfulness rescued my long distance relationship. Without the process of becoming aware of my actions and my thoughts, and without the regular meditation, the relationship wouldn’t have survived.

Back then I didn’t realize it, but I was basically sabotaging my relationship with my behavior. Yes, it was a stressful time. However, stress is not an excuse to tell the person you love that you don’t have time to Skype. Stress is not an excuse to postpone every single phone call.

Of course I had a couple of minutes every day that I could have spent in front of the webcam. Everybody has a few minutes, but when we’re stressed, we just don’t want to see it. We feel so comfortable in our victim mentality that we become the victim of our own sabotaging patterns.

I Suddenly Felt Her Emotions

After I had practiced mindful meditation for about one week I had such a strong connection with my girlfriend that I felt her emotions, even though I didn’t see her. Whenever I had a nightmare I had to call her the next day, because I knew that she had to deal with some emotional pain.

It kind of freaked me out, but I actually knew whenever she missed me. I just felt it and what’s even weirder is that she had the same experience, even though she had no idea of the process I was going through. Mindfulness taught me what it really means to have a connection with someone.

It Helped Me to Enjoy Every Second with Her

Before I read about the concept of mindfulness, I was never really present during our calls and Skype conversations. On a physical level I was there, but my thoughts and emotions were wandering around. I thought about my hopeless job situation, my debt and my fears.

Once I became immersed in the process of becoming a more mindful human being, it was easier than ever before to concentrate on the conversations I had with my girlfriend. For the first time in my life, I was able to live in the moment and to actually remember every detail of a conversation.

It Allowed Me to See the Positive Side

Before I started to meditate on a regular basis, I was a pessimistic person. I always concentrated on the things that I didn’t have instead of focusing my energy on the things I had. I used to think about the long distance between me and my girlfriend, and my inability to pay for a flight to visit her.

Thanks to the process of becoming more mindful I began to focus my energy on the positive aspects of my life. I’ve realized that I am an extremely lucky guy. I’ve been together with the woman of my dreams who loves me in such an unconditional way, that the long distance doesn’t matter.

 

Relephant:

Surviving Long Distance Relationships: 10 Tips to Keep You Close.

~

Author: Sebastian Harris

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Dvortygirl/Flickr

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