I don’t Want to Get Over You—that’s the Problem.

Via Kate Rose
on Sep 21, 2015
get elephant's newsletter

romance

“The ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are a hundred reasons to give up, they will find the one reason to hold on.” ~Unknown

Letting go is a choice—but it’s not one that I want to make.

Sometimes someone crosses our path who makes us realize life won’t ever be the same again.

It’s not necessarily because life suddenly becomes perfect—but because all others pale in comparison.

The best love affairs are those that change us without changing our essence.

That special someone becomes the compass to keep us pointed due north—and suddenly we know, no matter what life brings us—we’ll never be lost again.

Even when life shows us every reason to give up—we just can’t find that part of us who actually wants to walk away.

It’s those moments that our soul takes over and keeps us somewhere because the story just isn’t finished yet.

Sometimes the ending of a chapter can seem like the whole damn book is done—but no love story is great because things were easy.

No, the greatest love stories are those that faced turmoil—the ones where life was stacked against them, but they persevered anyway.

It’s not giving up hope even when it seems like the easiest choice.

Because love isn’t about choosing the easy way out—but making the choice to do it the hard way, even when all seems lost.

Because the truth is, there are some people we just won’t ever get over.

Sometimes we find someone so special that we don’t want to walk away—pretending that none of it happened—sometimes someone leaves an imprint on our lives, and we’ll never forget.

We know that no matter what life may bring, or who it may bring—no one will ever be able to fill that space.

It’s okay to not give up—to refuse to get over someone.

Maybe we don’t really have a choice in it at all—because there really are certain people who are meant to be in our lives.

And even when the going gets tough—we just can’t give up on them.

Because this time, I just don’t want to get over you.

While others could look at me and call me foolish—I don’t see any other way to be.

Because if I actually believe everything I feel—how could I possibly just walk away?

If I believe in the pull of the moon on the tides—then how could I ignore the signs the universe has sent?

And maybe I will be forced to move on—not by my own choice, but because sometimes things in life have a funny way of not working out.

But, at least I will know that I stayed true—not only to the words inside of my head, but the feelings inside of my heart.

That is what not giving up is about.

It’s not so much about the other person—but instead the journey of learning to trust ourselves.

Our own intuition.

Our own heart.

And if we then can honor those—then we can honor the other person and their journey.

When I think about why I don’t want to get over you—it’s not because of things you’ve done for me or physical acts I can measure—but because of how you make me feel.

And I have lived long enough to know—there are people who only come around once in a lifetime.

Sometimes I’ve resented being the one who is the constant—the cool and steady hand.

I also know that is the way it is meant to be.

Because you needed to see that I wouldn’t give up on you—no matter how far you pushed me away.

But because I needed to be tested to see just how much I want this—and how ready I actually am.

It’s been a tangled journey of a thousand secrets, too many promises—and not enough action.

I have to admit that I tried to move on—I tried to fill your place with others.

I met new men, I flirted, I talked with them—and I even let another touch my body.

But the problem was, even when I was with them—I was still thinking of you.

Even when we had seemingly gone our separate ways—I still saw you in my dreams.

And so when we came back into each other’s lives—I wasn’t really surprised.

Because what I’ve come to believe is that when it’s real—it stays.

And whether it’s a problem, or gift—that’s precisely why I don’t want to get over you.

You’ve said that you hope you taught me as much as I’ve taught you—and you have.

But maybe the biggest lesson you’ve taught me—sometimes someone can come into our lives and we will never be the same again.

Because the thing is, I don’t want to imagine my life without you.

So I sit underneath a darkened sky wishing on stars and the seeds of dandelions that maybe someday it will all make sense.

That maybe someday you will decide that you don’t want to say goodbye to me.

And at that point the only thing left to say will be hello—and with it a new start to get it right.

~

Relephant bonus:

Relephant read:

You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a Goddamn Warrior.

~

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: Flickr/Christian Gonzalez


234,275 views

About Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair while swaying her hips to the music of life; smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website

Comments

40 Responses to “I don’t Want to Get Over You—that’s the Problem.”

  1. Scott F. says:

    You just spoke my heart. Thank you. I am inhabiting this space right this very minute. I don’t want to get over her. She has become a part of my soul now for the rest of my life. I’m hoping our paths will converge again some day.

  2. Manishi says:

    Thank you so much for this amazing piece of writing. This is exactly how I feel.

  3. Melina says:

    <3 I don't want to let go of someone either, even if I have tried. Once his essence entered my heart, I have wanted to keep it there. <3 This piece is so beautiful, tender, and honest. I love it.

  4. Kate says:

    Couldn’t have articulated this feeling if I tried – and you just did. Thank you.

  5. heather says:

    This is also something to beware of. As much as it may suck.

  6. Megan says:

    This is almost exactly the same as my current situation. It’s comforting to read I’m not alone or a complete idiot. ☺️

  7. Robin says:

    I love this piece! This is how I am feeling now and have been for a while. You have beautifully written what I feel is so hard for some people to understand. Sometimes you just can’t let go, even when you try. And I believe there is a reason for that. I Love your work! Thank you so much.

  8. My heart understands everything you wrote and thanks you for it deeply. I too feel the same about a man I love and this is what I finally wrote after trying to negate my feelings for so long:

    I’ve said good bye to you in a thousand different ways for days upon days upon days. I release you, I release you, I release you. I have sought to pry you from my heart as if I could coherence you from my blood. I have drowned my most precious black and white memory in the Ganges. I have buried the remembrance of your voice, and I have cast the loving memory of your touch to the wind. I’m watching the sun rise over foreign waters and lands that I have risen in love with and finally the peaceful moment I have been trying to coax, comes. I am alone but somehow I summon you by my side. In these moments of beauty and stillness I resurrect you with poignant clarity. It happens in between the grace and beauty of nature, this ecstatic longing for union. You seem to tilt and shift among the stars, and here in silent reverie, I speak to you. I show you the craters of my heart, always. The memory of you in another life, another place, another face. You turn in slow motion, cast the majesty of your green eyes upon me and all that I am rests on weary knees, bowed head, tears falling. The relentless love that beats itself numb inside of me, if only it could reach you once again, if only you would let it. The tapestry of remembrance has been stitched over lifetimes and it is now the chainmail leading me into battle. There is no cave deep enough to contain it, so it will rise continuously, each time this love taking upon itself a different form. Everything that means something chants softly of everyone you have ever been to me. Always under a different guise, always the same soul, I recognize. There is a part of me that mourns the loss of you eternally. I have learned how to carry it, this separation, I have asked the wisest sentient creatures to show me how, and still, and still the memory will not fade, your makeshift home is a heart you can always invade. The levity of remembrance.

  9. Mary says:

    Wow. It’s like you read my mind and wrote down all my thoughts, frustration and pain I’ve been dealing with for months now. So beautifully written and so helpful to me to see my feelings out into words. Thank you for writing this. Touched me deeply and helped me understand myself and my situation more. You are a beautiful writer!

  10. ABM says:

    Thank you for writing this. You feelings mirror my own journey and my own resistance to giving up I really do understand.

  11. Andra says:

    Thank you for this piece of honesty. All of my friends scolded me for not “getting over” my ex which we unknowingly seperated right before Venus retrograde. A part of me feels like it isn’t over … Or something was cut short. And I will never know what that is or was… Or is to be. I’ve prayed to every god and did the break up check list .. And as much I try… I don’t want to give up… But that’s what your suppose to do. Get over it…move on.. On to the next. I loved what you said about being true to yourself and your feelings. Giving yourself permission to feel that and to be ok with it. I guess in some ways not letting go is strangely attached to some discipline.

  12. Leila says:

    you just make me cry! exactly the way i feel, i spent long time denying but finally i realized what had happened and why i couldn't get over it, i just didnt want, my mind and ego tells me forget but my heart was suffering a lot until my mind and my heart had reconciled all suddenly becomes cristal clear

  13. Femme says:

    OMGosh… This is exactly where I am right now in my head and my heart… this is exactly how I think and feel. I don't want to give up but everything and everyone around me is working against me. I need to just learn to be at peace with my feelings and just accept it is what it is and in my heart no matter what, never stop loving this man. I don't want to give up, I don't want to quit loving and believing in this man… and so I will not. Thank you for such a great article.

  14. Femme says:

    OMGosh this is sooooooo beautiful and I can relate to this with my entire existence and feel so deeply exactly how it draws me to the man who has my heart and through no fault of his has ruined me for any other man – ever! Thank you just does not seem enough to say.

  15. Nanne says:

    Thank u so much … every word made sense to me , I felt that I was losing control of my life , and after reading this article I understood myself better. His imprint is buried so deeply inside my skin that I cant bare another man's touch … and I cant pretend either but I will need to find a way where I can be free again and not stuck inside in my emotional cage

  16. Teresa Thurman says:

    WOW! That's what my "problem" is/was. My mind and my heart were at war with each other,for a year or so. I decided I was so right about my thoughts. But my heart and soul wouldn't budge, if my life depended on it. What I have come to realize is I overlook all the (BS) we have been through. My man was TRUELY, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT for me. I have NEVER FELT a feeling like this. It's hard to explain. Something about him. He is forgiven over and over. Mostly minor technicalities, but a couple of big ones..

  17. Teresa Thurman says:

    I've ALWAYS told my man, NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER the SACRIFICES,I've got your back. I STAND BY MY MAN 100% NO MATTER WHAT. THROUGH THICK AND THIN, I'm there for YOU.

  18. Nyla says:

    Beautiful piece. I feel precisely this way now.i love him; want him in my life forever.

  19. Dee says:

    Three months ago, my husband of nearly 16 years told me that though he loves me intensely, he wants a divorce. Our marriage has never been smooth sailing (what marriage is, right?), but I was/am willing to weather every storm with him. He no longer has the strength to heal and to move forward with me by his side. I will admit that I haven't been a perfect wife. Not even close! My past has made it very difficult for me to love openly and with complete trust. But, I love him intensely and have never wanted to be without him. I have the will to change the way I love him and I know that I can. He and I are connected deeply and in a way that I have never been connected to another person. I can't let him go. Walking away from him and our marriage, in my gut, seems like a mistake. But, I'm not the one walking away. I'm the one being walked away from. So, I will have to watch him go, but with fingers crossed that we will someday have the chance for a "new start to get it right".

  20. kateanne00 says:

    I hope so for you as well Scott <3

  21. kateanne00 says:

    Thank you so much Robin, I truly think there is a reason for everything-even when it is hard to see it.

  22. kateanne00 says:

    Sarah this is exquisite. So beautiful…Thank you so much for sharing-truly <3

  23. kateanne00 says:

    Thank you so much Marry, I'm glad my words were able to find a home within your heart <3

  24. kateanne00 says:

    When and if your heart is ready it will. Until then, it's okay to keep it in your heart. Those that are meant to be in our lives will always find their way back one another. <3

  25. kateanne00 says:

    It's that never before feeling that tells you it's something unique.

  26. Thank you. It's powerful to know that other hearts can hold this, and we contain these immense feelings, with grace and in love, even when it hurts.

  27. With all my heart I appreciate your kind and beautiful words <3

  28. wendy says:

    Every word is just what my heart is saying and my head is agreeing with it. Thank you for making me feel that ‘not getting over’ that special someone even when things dont seems to work out between you two, its not crazy, its not demental. Its to be honest to who you are and what you feel. Thank you!

  29. Lisa says:

    I cried when I read this beacuse I was thankful I wasn’t the only one that has felt like this. Thank you for sharing.

  30. Abi says:

    Thank you for writing this piece. It touched my soul is so many ways. I am on the other side of this where I am now back together with the person I refused to give up on in my heart. Reading this made a lot of things make so much more sense in my relationship so again thank you. This is a beautiful piece and I hope it touches everyone that reads it.

  31. mountain mama says:

    So hit home. Thank you

  32. Maria says:

    Beautifully written article but my life experiences so far have taught me otherwise…The are case in which you give it your all, try your hardest, do the unimaginable, to keep a person and STILL it will not enough. If they are determined to go, there’s NOTHING you can do to keep them (at least not long term).And in such cases ,persevering will only result in losing one’s self dignity .Unfortunately, this is the harsh reality , so waiting and hoping for something that will never happen could lead to years or a lifetime of frustration.Sadly , no all people get to live (together) happily ever after…

  33. Joe says:

    I fought for 6 months with an ex lover that I couldn’t give up on. I was there for her no matter what but her resentment guided her behavior, I was a doormat for her to use 6 months,always being there for her as she moved on and went on multiple dates. Finally I broke down and sent her 2 love letters which was a mistake. I poured out my heart and soul only for thr letters to backfire, she told me to leave her alone and never contact her again. I was her longest relationship of 19 months as her relationships typically last 4 week to 6 weeks. She said I was her first real love and we had intentions of sharing our lives with each other. Only for this to happen. Im shocked and blown away of this ending, I thought never giving up would prevail now I’m burnt out, weak, and depressed. I don’t get out they say if it’s meant to be it will be bc this woman that once loved me so intensely now seems to be on the opposite end of the spectrum, but this writing gives me some sense of closure in the fact that no matter what I was always there. I didnt give up but looking back giving up 6 months ago might have been the wise thing to do as she might have actually missed me enough to come back. Great writing I must say, it was nice to see that other people also fight. Ibeqs told by friends and family to walk away but i just couldn’t not try.

  34. Nick says:

    Thank you. For validating my feelings. For giving me permission even though I shouldn’t need it. For being vulnerable. For bravely empathising with the essence of anonymity that is this weird place we call the internet. It’s not about moving on, it’s about embracing exactly where we are and choosing positivity in this moment, regardless of our feelings, our outlook, our pain. Thank you for speaking to my heart.

  35. Jessica says:

    It took me a long time to get over my ex. It was extremely painful to hang on as long as I did, and probably painful to the friends who listened to me talk about it. I moved 2000 miles away, for other reasons, but it was a good excuse to get over him being so far away. I thought it would come with such ease. Well I still had to try hard to get over him , and train my brain to not think about him. Then I finally was moving on, feeling so strong and happy again! then he knew and apologized profusely for a few weeks then I decided to give it a go. And you know we felt really connected for a while and then I felt like he was getting more distant slightly, slowly, and I was wanting more slightly slowly. Anyhow I had to put my boundaries up and put the brakes on because it wasnt working for me right now. I had to slow down….our connection. I could go on and on, and we all have a story to share, I am jsut dumbfounded that this is how things are turning out….feeling so raw…

  36. josh says:

    Well…I was with a woman for 9 years it was the best time of my life..well I thought it was she left me and my 2 children for a man out of state,long story short.This woman has done so much to me and my children I couldn’t write it all down.its very hard for me to get over her I want to so bad but the memories haunt me and always think she will become her old self.help anyone

  37. John says:

    Yes. Thank you. Something in my core knows that we can get it right, that we did get it right. All the tools are there for us and with cooperation we could get it right again – for the first time all over again.

    So thank you for writing this.

  38. Maria says:

    Best article i’ve read so far. Thank you for giving me hope. Maybe some things can work out in the end, eventhough we don’t know where the journey will take us. I really do hope that when your intuition says it will work out it really will. The journey is hard, but I hope its worth it…

  39. Helema says:

    This is truly a beautiful freeing article about love that might endure all the havoc and destruction of even a horrible betrayal … 23 years and two marriage vow renewals later , the man of my dreams had an 8 month affair with a girl 17 years younger than me .. It’s been 2 years since I found the the photographs , the text messages and spoke to her many times … Your article set me free today , I no longer will work on not loving him , I don’t want to be without him … I love him and need to honor the broken winged bird I’ve treasured for so long . It’s him I want to grow old with … It’s always been him and one day he can explain to God why he made such a horrific choice – I’m done trying to figure it out …I’m free , I can liive and love him deeply , unconditionally – that’s my choice ❤️Thank you again , sweetheart ….

  40. Renee says:

    This is so me right now. Unbelievable. You captured what I’m feeling exactly

Leave a Reply