8.1
September 26, 2015

To the Guy who Used Me for Sex.

Let these words empower your broken heart: Here’s 45 Things we can Do Right Now to Stop Rape Culture & Misogyny. & What I learned from a Sex Addict: 5 Ways to be More Intimate.
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To the guy who picked me up at the front door, and who made me laugh late into the night over beers at the bar.

To the guy who wanted to show me his place because he “just installed” new lights on his balcony.

To the guy who rubbed the side of my arm while he kissed my forehead and told me I was adorable.

To the guy who kissed me so slowly and passionately I could barely breathe.

To the guy who carried me to his bedroom and whispered in my ear that I was the first girl who had been in here since he moved in.

To the guy who undressed me slowly and told me how beautiful I was.

To the guy whose chest I laid my cheek on as we laughed and giggled in bed.

To the guy I thought was different.

 

To the guy who I never,

ever,

heard from again…

 

I’m the girl who showed up that night as my raw and real self.

I’m the girl who asked questions, because I was genuinely interested—and I am the girl who was truthful and unafraid to share stories and experiences from my own life.

I’m the girl whose stomach was filled with butterflies the moment you grabbed my hand.

I’m the girl whose mind raced in panic as we made our way into the bedroom.

I’m the girl who wondered if you would be different.

I’m the girl who closed her eyes tightly anyway, and let you in—all in.

I’m the girl who laughed at your jokes and hung on to every single word you said.

 

I’m the girl who went home alone.

I’m the girl who sat in the hot shower until 2:30 in the morning, sobbing.

I’m the girl who checked my phone for days to come.

I’m the girl who sent random, but lighthearted, “Are you still alive?” messages.

I’m the girl who had to delete your number when I was drunk, so that I wouldn’t be tempted to call you.

I’m the girl whose heart is just too big to not get broken.

I’m the girl who loves deep and hard.

I’m the girl you might barely remember.

I’m the girl you don’t deserve.

 

Relephant:

Two Sides of Ghosting

 

Author: Amanda Kelly

Apprentice Editor: Jenny Wise/Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Gisela Giardino

 

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