4.5
October 16, 2015

Drowning in 4 a.m. Maybes. {Poem}

Lianne Viau/Flickr

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Well, it happened.

And maybe you wanted it for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe you were bored and frustrated and needed proof

that life wasn’t one monotonous moment after the next.

Or maybe you were lonely and looking to pile something,

anything, into a space better left unfilled.

 

But maybe it was for all the right reasons too.

Maybe you wanted to feel close to someone,

to smell their scent on the sheets and commit

their breathing pattern to memory.

Maybe you wanted to focus only on what felt

good and right and safe—right now.

 

Maybe you wanted your mind to be

just hazy enough to explain it all away.

Or maybe you wanted your body to be

just warm enough to not give it a second thought.

 

Maybe tomorrow you’ll wake up,

makeup smudged but pride intact.

Maybe you’ll make the same decision again,

or wish you’d figured out time travel.

 

Maybe in a few months’ time, or

even a few minutes, all of this—

all of the judgment and fear and want—

will no longer occupy space in your mind.

 

But maybe it’s just as brave to choose

knowing both the good and bad.

To acknowledge that you don’t have

a f*cking clue and you are just trying to be alive

as gracefully as possible.

 

Maybe that’s all we can hope for:

the slim chance our mistakes will only be

half as destructive as we feared.

And our triumphs will become

twice as fulfilling as we hoped.

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Relephant Read:

When Missing You is All there Is. {Poem}

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Author: Nicole Cameron

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Lianne Viau/Flickr

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