5.2
October 12, 2015

Intriguing Man, I can’t Give Up on You. {Adult}

 Hartwig HKD/ Flickr

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*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

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The chemistry between us is otherworldly.

Every minute with you feels surreal.

I still think about you daily. Not just once a day, but multiple times.

When we stand face to face, hands touching hands, eyes gazing into eyes, lightening bolts of energy swirl around us.

Though we never kissed, never did anything more than hold hands and hug, I find myself yearning for you.

You’ve seduced me on a soul level.

I can’t get you out of my head.

My heart wants you.

My body wants you.

My daydreams are filled with images of us embracing. Of us kissing. Of us making love.

I see our union open up a multitude of possibilities for a life of excitement, adventure and joy. A life that is pure magic.

I remember the innocent touches and extended eye gazes. I remember the full body tingles sitting side by side. I remember you telling me, “You have beautiful eyes.” I remember wondering, “What did he mean by that? Was he just flirting with me?”

No one could have prepped me for our innocent relationship taking this change in direction. For so long we had no idea what was lying just beneath the surface.

The intensity, the confusion, the excitement.

I want you more than I’ve ever wanted another.

I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

I crave you.

I let you in fast. I ripped myself open, dug down deep and shared parts of myself that no one else knows exist. For the first time in my life, I’ve torn down the wall that I have built around myself and stand naked in the moonlight. All for you.

We have never explored each others bodies physically, but you have the ability to touch me to arousal, with your mind.

From miles away I sense you thinking about me. My heart races and I am immediately drawn to you. In these moments I’m doing everything with you that we didn’t do. I’m kissing you. I’m cuddling with you. I’m f*cking you.

We both know the levels of pleasure that could have been reached, had we given in. Sex with you would have been Earth shattering.

You’ve stolen a piece of my heart. A piece of my soul. You have taken these pieces without saying “goodbye.”

Choosing to disappear, to fall back into your daily routine, has left me feeling foolish for opening myself up to you.

I bared the lights and darks of my soul to someone who disappeared from my life in haste.

This roller coaster of emotions has shaken me to the core. Right now I’m in a place of confusion, wondering why any of this happened in the first place. Why would the universe put someone through this? Why would I be shown my perfect match, my twin flame, only to have him exit my life as quickly as he entered?

My feelings for you are intense. My love, unconditional.

Your disappearance is a huge sign, showing me your choice, but still, the hunger I feel for you makes it hard for me to close the door. I stand here, door knob in hand, slowly swaying the door back and forth. I can’t do it, I just can’t close it.

I would drop everything for you. I would walk myself right out of my life for you.

You have become my enigma.

I want to know how you have managed to push me aside. At one point you told me that you, “Think about me all the time.” How have you been able to let me go?

How are you capable of entering your house every day and living a fake life in which you are not able to be yourself? Your true authentic-self.

You were here, you were part of this? How did you shut down and walk away as though this never existed?

What we experienced was real. I’m real. The feelings you felt for me are real.

All you have to do is reach your hand out to me and I will follow you around the world. Eager to experience new things and see life through your eyes.

When fear kicks in, I worry that we are not meant to be in each other’s lives. I’m trying my hardest to move on, to visualize a life in which you don’t exist. This is hard to do as I’ve never felt whole, until I was standing hand in hand next to you.

Please give me something here.

Please tell me that you have closed the door on us, so that I can close mine too. Because for the rest of my life, I will always want you.

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Relephant:

Why I Disappeared—an Open Letter to the Girls I never Texted Back.

To My Soulmate I Choose Not to Love.

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Author: Richelle Rae

Volunteer Editor: Kim Haas/Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Image: Flickr/Hartwig HKD

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