F*ck the Starbucks Cup & Let’s Get Real about the Bloomingdale’s Rape Ad.

Via Christine "Cissy" White
on Nov 13, 2015
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starbucks cup christmas
~

ad screenshot

“Spike  your best friend’s eggnog when they are not looking,” reads the tag line of the Bloomingdale’s ad, in a recent holiday catalog.

A woman is looking away, laughing and smiling at someone, while a man is leering at her. The caption is between them.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

What exactly is being sold here or advertised? The clothes? The concept? The season?

Who at Bloomingdale’s thought this up, and what team, boss or authority reviewed it, approved it and sent it into to circulation?

I don’t get it, and the fact that it happened during the same week that people have lost their minds over the Starbucks Holiday cup is making my head spin.

Could someone explain to me why this doesn’t get the same level of outrage? I know I’m seeing red.

It’s not like an ad is an Instagram photo that gets shot and accidentally sent out in the world.

People modeled for the ad. Someone had to think up the tag line, commit it to type, choose a font and color and then share the whole thing. That doesn’t happen with one person, or even one department, in most places.

It usually requires levels of approval.

WTF Bloomingdales?

And if you think they feel all bad for this horrible mistake, please read the “apology” that came from Bloomingdale’s.

“In reflection of recent feedback, the copy we used in our recent catalog was inappropriate and in poor taste,” a spokesperson said in a statement. “Bloomingdale’s sincerely apologizes for this error in judgment.”

It’s “inappropriate and in bad taste” just in reflection of recent feedback? Just in reflection? Does that mean if feedback were different, it wouldn’t be inappropriate or in bad taste?

Huh?

Then there’s the headlines about the story.

Fortune: “Bloomindale’s Apologizes for Ad Seen as Encouraging Date Rape”

NBC: “Bloomingdale’s Says Sorry for Holiday Ad That Seemingly Implies Date Rape”

Seen as? Seemingly?

I’m sorry, what else is one supposed to infer about secretly spiking your best friend’s eggnog, while out at a holiday party, while she’s not looking?

What’s the other less date-rapey implication, that I’m supposed to be taking away, that I’m missing?

You don’t have to be a feminist or an activist or a scholar to know what rape culture is in a time like this.

It’s simple—rape culture is the culture where this ad gets made.

Rape culture is where Bloomingdale’s gets away without a real apology and where those writing headlines don’t know how to be clear.

Rape culture is where Bill Cosby needs to have dozens of women say the same thing for years, before one of them is believed, and where he is seen as the victim of attacks.

This is rape culture—using spiking a drink, while the woman isn’t looking, as something that helps promote a business.

Rape culture is the culture I live in, and that’s terrifying, because I’m female and a sister, daughter, mother and aunt in world where 1 in 5 females will experience sexual assault, just while at college. It’s a world where 1 in 4 of us females will be sexually assaulted during our lives.

This world.

This culture.

That’s it—that’s how simple a concept rape culture is.

One in which an ad like this comes out—yet people lose their minds over a coffee cup.

And some of us have to remind others that rape isn’t funny, sexy or a good ad idea.

Rape is a crime.

Rape is a violent, real and serious—and we have to explain that isn’t funny.

That’s rape culture.

90% of the time, victims of sexual violence know the person who they are assaulted by.

This ad is an example of exactly what rape culture is.

90% of people assaulted know the perpetrator, who is often a friend, teacher, co-worker, boss, neighbor or relative. Which is why the entire conversation about consent is so important.

There are apparently people who don’t understand that rape isn’t funny, because we still live in a world where someone thought suggesting “secret eggnog spiking,” as a kind of holiday-festive-druggy-sexy-flirt move, was a great idea.

They though it could be a great way to help sell stuff during the holiday season—and it didn’t get shut down.

In 2015.

It’s astounding and there are a ton of us who don’t think it’s even a tiny bit funny, seductive, smart or charming—and who are royally pissed off.

We know the real picture behind that picture.

The one not used as an ad—the one that follows after the non-consent or the drugging or spiking. We’ve known or lived as the woman who is sobbing, heartbroken, shocked, shattered and limp—because she’s been violated by the “best friend” who turned out not to be the best.

Or she’s rendered completely silent, speechless and maybe semi lifeless, because she just doesn’t know how to go on with what happened.

Or he doesn’t know if or who to tell, because he doesn’t know if he’ll be believed or supported, or if it will turn into more of a nightmare.  

So maybe “no” to the ad, to the bullshit apology and to having to explain rape culture in the culture where an ad like this gets made.

No to having to make a case, again and again and again, saying rape is a crime and not a joke.

No to the eye rolling people, who just don’t want to think or hear about this.

The eye rollers made this ad.

The eye rollers approved this ad.

The eye rollers didn’t listen to anyone who might have said, “Not funny. Not happening. Not a good idea. Not okay.”

How the hell does this ad even get made? I can’t even imagine how an ad like this gets made? It seems unfathomable except that it happened.

My friend, Laura Parrott Perry , wrote on her Facebook page:

“So, there’s a marketing meeting at Bloomingdale’s. The ad agency guy, dressed like Don Draper, says, “You know what’s festive and fun? Date rape!” And all the men nod their heads. “That’s a great idea, Don! You sure do have your finger on the pulse of what ladies like! (I need to believe there was no woman in the room.)”

I hear that.

I need to believe one day an ad like this one won’t even be thought of as a good idea—by anyone. Not a single soul.

Unfortunately, it won’t be this week.

 

~

“Starbucks barista here. This is the leaked design for this years holiday cups.” Via Reddit 🙂
reddit

 

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Relephant Bonus:

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Relephant: 

Enough is Enough: Zero Tolerance for Rape Culture on Facebook. {Disturbing Material}

What does “Consent” mean in a Rape Culture?

One more:

Author: Christine “Cissy” White

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Rob Young; ad screenshot

 


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About Christine "Cissy" White

Christine “Cissy” Whiteknows it's possible to live, love and parent well after being raised in hell. Possible but not easy. Her work has been widely published in places such as The Boston Globe, Ms. Magazine online, Spirituality & Health, The Mighty & To Write Love on Her Arms. She speaks about developmental trauma, expressive writing and the lifelong impact of adverse childhood experiences. Her motto is "It's not trauma informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors." She's founder of Heal Write Now, co-collaborator of the #FacesOfPTSD campaign and Group Manager of Parenting with ACEs on the ACEsConnectionNetwork. Find her on Heal Write Now on Facebook: Facebook page Email [email protected] to contact Christine "Cissy" White.

Comments

50 Responses to “F*ck the Starbucks Cup & Let’s Get Real about the Bloomingdale’s Rape Ad.”

  1. Jess says:

    What if he was trying to spike his best friend's drink (presumably male, not pictured) to knock said friend out so he could talk to this girl?

    If that were the intended meaning, it was poorly executed, but that would be a non-date rapey interpretation.

    Note: this is no way is meant to imply that two people of opposite gender cannot be best friends.

  2. Matthew says:

    Whoaaaa, wait a minute. “Seemingly” is exactly right. Your interpretation of this ad is that someone is getting raped. At no point in time is anything saying “get someone drunk and rape them.” As obvious as it seems to you, it’s still just an implication, and if we’re taking the words at face value, it’s saying you should do it to your best friend. If they were your best friend, you wouldn’t rape them now, would you? Maybe, JUST MAYBE, the ad is implying that everyone should loosen up with a drink. If you want to argue, is it morally questionable to trick someone into getting drunk, that’s more of an argument. But you wanna dial it to 10 right off the bat and scream rape of a fictional ad character, it makes you sound a little unreasonable.

  3. Warren says:

    I agree that the ad could be taken as promoting date rape, but I don’t think it necessarily does. I could come up with a variety of scenarios here, including ones where the woman is laughing because she spike the guy’s drink and he is just clueless. Maybe his fiance left him and his best friend is trying to get him to lighten up. Maybe, but none of that matters.

    What matters, and what I 100% agree with you about , is that this ad could EASILY be seen as promoting date rape. That alone should have given them pause and caused them to reconsider. It is in bad taste because of this and their apology is weak at best.

    I’m glad you wrote this piece. I would not have known about this otherwise and I’ll definitely be sharing this. Great job, Christine!

  4. Ron says:

    Yup. 2015. So disappointing. Short term answer… boycott Bloomingdale’s for the holidays at least, longer better.

  5. peopleruiningamerica says:

    Anddddd Bloomingdale's wins. They now get more free advertising due to you. You really think this wasn't intentionally put put for bad reviews and comment by the likes of you and all the other sheep in this media ridden country? The ad was completely outrageous they withdrew it, you made your point and advertised for them, good job.

  6. Gustavo Brett says:

    For anyone who doesn’t get that this image is rapey I really dont know what to say except OPEN YOUR EYES. Look at that man’s face and then at her. This is some creepy shit. I dont know why they would put this out there but they did. Christine has pointed us in the right direction when she writes about rape culture. I wrote a piece recently about Cosby and why we are joking about it so much. Bill Marhe hardy lets a week go by with some hacky joke about a serial rapist that HAS BEEN ALLOWED to do so for a lifetime. Halloween costumes with people dressed up like Cosby with a woman over his shoulder… WHAT IS UP? Rape is one of the most common sexual fatasies for men AND women. Why is that? Why do we LOVE VAMPIRE MOVIES with hot guys who feed on unsuspecting victums , who then become threir eternal lovers? What is going on in our culture? This ad is preditorial period. She is open , laughing , neck arched , she looks happy and unsuspecting. Now look at him… Look at his eyes yo … Our culture is in pain, and we have been pushng that pain down for a long time. We are a rape culture simply because we allow it. No more powerful promoter of rape than THE INSITUTION . Maybe Bloomingdales wants us to know where they stand. Either way bless us on our way . Rape is an atrosity to the heart and soul of humanity. I’m hopeful we understand that as a people someday.

  7. Jacquelynne says:

    As a fellow writer, I don’t want to pick apart your piece and completely respect your opinion. A red flag would certainly blink around the ad for me. As an actress and print model, though, I do have to correct any assumption that the models knew what sort of copy would accompany the ad. While actors often get scripts, models are usual hired for a campaign and the only information given (if professionally done) is the usage pertaining to length of time and medium, any conflicts of interest, the types they are looking for, and the rate. There is no awareness of what happens in post. Acting can be similar, even when there is a script. A case of groupthink could be to blame for others being okay with the copy, but it would only be applicable to those involved in the media and advertising part. Someone may have had a good bit of autonomy in its development as well-perhaps years of experience leading to feelin a step above “checking” ones own humor or beliefs about what is politically correct. Point being, models and actors try their damndest, but we are not always made fully aware of he intentions of a piece . In fact, to get people to work, the intentions of the production are sometimes purposefully convoluted-such as for an anti-abortion ad or STI medication where the campaign name or organization is presented by acronym only and the script is subtle. Only when one is on set, being directed to “look at the other person with lust” does the intent surface.

  8. Jess:
    I was reacting to this ad which said, "spike your best friend's egg nog when they are not looking" and the two people in the ad, one who is not looking (female to the left) and the one looking at her (not all warm and smiles, male to the right).
    Cissy

  9. Matthew:
    "Approximately 4/5 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
    47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance" https://rainn.org/statistics

    Cissy

  10. Thanks Warren,
    I agree that there could be a lot of possible and creative other interpretations except that there are only two people pictured and one isn't looking and the ad says, "Spike your best friend's egg nog when they are not looking." And only one of them is not looking and BEST FRIENDS is in big and bold and between the only two people in the photo. I'd have to create characters and sub text, not pictured, to make this mean something different which for me is why it was so infuriating. And because, sadly, rape happens all too often and rapists are almost always known to victims of rape.
    Cissy

  11. Gustavo:
    I learn from all of the comments, including the ones I completely disagree with. Thank you for yours. I'd love to read your piece about Cosby if you would link to it. I appreciate how you express your views.
    Cissy

  12. shimon says:

    You mention in the comments that in order to interpret it in any way other than rape you have to create your own subtext and everything that is shown. I would submit you still have to invent subtext in order to interpret rape.
    People spike eggnog for nonrape reasons all the time. Also it is a two dimensional image but from my perspective it looks like he’s looking behind her not at her so how can he be leering at her.

    That is not to say that you are wrong to bring this up but one shouldn’t assume malice

  13. Ron says:

    The add has done its job, exactly what all you people are doing…creating an uprooted and free advertising for the company! You people have too much time on your hands to sit and try to assume your own twist on a simple add! Put your efforts toward our pensioners and troops! You focus so much on the negative you miss site of helping the ones that need it!

  14. Commenter9 says:

    After looking at some of the comments on here by people defending Bloomingdale's, or trying to consider or reason some sort of other interpretation of the ad photo and text, I am just shaking my head. Okay, let's say the person isn't spiking the drink with a date-rape drug (maybe it's punch and spiking with alcohol, just as some other type of alternative): In what world do you live that makes it okay to put ANY substance in another person's drink for ANY reason without that person's knowledge or permission? No one has the right to do that to another.

    And as for any comments to the effect of "you just gave Bloomingdale's more publicity," well, speaking up and calling attention to something that one perceives as wrongful action is necessary, or else it will just keep happening over and over again, and the party performing that action will not think they're doing anything wrong or that anyone doesn't like it, and just keep on doing it. Not saying anything is a form of acceptance and/or condoning the wrong.

  15. Janet says:

    Huh. I interpreted it as suggesting that SHE spike HIS drink, since she seems to be having a hell of a lot more fun than he is. Still a stupid tag line, given the issues our nation has with alcohol, and also because I have no idea what they are trying to sell.

  16. witsendnj says:

    Honestly, it's kind of funny to get so outraged about Bloomingdale's publishing an obnoxious ad, because the ENTIRE FASHION INDUSTRY is insane and disgusting. It is predicated on women (mostly but men too) not being worthy enough to be considered attractive and confident without wasting tons of money on stupid clothes, jewelry, designer accessories and makeup, all of which are part of a consumer culture that is trashing and polluting the earth with plastic, pesticides, chemicals, heavy metals and fossil fuel emissions. In the case of "fashion" it is entirely unnecessary for human survival and well-being. Our species would be doing enough harm just eating, wearing simple clothes and staying warm, since we can't seem to stop over-breeding – but stores like these are absurd.

  17. Gabby says:

    I'm a victim of being drugged by a very close friend at 21 years old. With the exception of being sexually assaulted as a child, I'd never been penetrated before. Cissy is dead on. I notice in these comments, its males suggesting this can be viewed other ways. It's males trying to change the subject to "way to provide them free advertising.". Since Cissy is being generous, kind, patient and classy. Allow me to call most of the male comments out for what they are: Males defending rape culture. Why am I not shocked? Disgusted and angry at the comments I just read, but not shocked. I'd be willing to bet at least one of those male commenters has left a sexual assault victim or two in their wake. Effin sick.

  18. Maxine says:

    For a minute, I thought this was a real article. It took a moment to realize it’s satire.

  19. Samantha says:

    I completely agree with Matthew!!!

  20. Commenting says:

    Yeah. I'm not offended even in the slightest.

  21. Trina Serrao says:

    Calling out the ad for their faults is not "letting them win." In fact, it is doing the opposite. By letting people know about the company's poor ad choices, it deters people from wanting to buy from them. It doesn't work the same way as talking about a person or celebrity where they are made popular by getting as much media attention as possible, even if its bad. You can't do that when you're trying to sell products because no matter how many people read this article, it isn't giving any money to Bloomingdale's or convincing anyone that they should shop there.

  22. Chris says:

    Also, Cissy cites the "1 in 5" statistic which has been disproven time and time again. Good job at perpetuating myths, Cissy

  23. Bob says:

    Anything can be twisted into anything, do you honestly think a large company would deliberately mean something so offensive? Talk about sensitivity. Maybe instead of being offended by everything you could find something real to get upset about like terrorists maybe.

  24. Notfallingforit says:

    It sure got Bloomingdale's name out there, but is hardly making me think I should go shop there.

  25. Simon says:

    Honestly why the long message trying to prove your point. Let the individuals decide how they want to show respect to the unfortunate situation. There is no right or wrong in such things…my church here even called for a 1 minute silence and prayed for the wounded and families of the affected. This is how we care.

  26. Silver says:

    I have only one question if the roles were reversed would there still be such outrage

  27. Leslie says:

    Regardless of the intention of the ad, it should have been clear to them how many would have interpreted it. If they didn’t know, they are blind; and if they did know and didn’t care, they are terrible.

  28. sallysue says:

    I'm a female and I took to it mean she was spiking his eggnog as she is the one laughing. And "best friend" implies it's done in fun, I don't know too many people who would rape their best friend. I wasn't offended by it. I was actually happy they showed a man and a woman because they are acknowledging platonic close friendships. I wonder if people would be offended if it was 2 males or 2 females instead of a man and woman?

  29. Isaiah P. says:

    I think this is all a matter of context. Awareness of just how prevalent date rape really is has spiked over the last few months. So naturally, this poster will be taken in that context: there's a man staring slyly at a woman who doesn't notice, and it says "Spike your best friend's drink".
    In this same current context, had the woman been replaced with another man (and we do have to address the fact that we, including the author of this article, have assumed the man in the poster to be heterosexual), then it would be man staring intently at another man, with the caption "spike your best friend's drink", and no one would think twice about it. A practical joke between friends. By the same token, if date rape were not such a prevalent crime, we could not immediately jump to it when reading the original poster. It could very well be that the man and woman are best friends, and the man is playing a practical joke with no intention of harm, because in that scenario, that's how things usually go.
    Surely, given present circumstances, this is absolutely in poor taste; but the image is not inherently supporting date rape, so I would totally accept this as a lapse in judgement, given that the poster is removed from circulation.

  30. Ivan says:

    I'm sorry, it's hard for me to take this seriously. Do you really think the people who made the ad sat down and said amongst themselves 'let's make an ad about date rape! That'll bring in the sales!'

    This ad was poorly thought out, I'll grant you that. But there is less malevolence here on the part of whoever made it and more stupidity.

  31. Random Al says:

    As a survivor of date rape I have to say I’m disappointed in everyone jumping to that conclusion from this ad. Why does everything have to be a sign or symbol for something any more. I first hand know what things can turn into; however, why does everyone these days have to go out of their way to be pissed about something. Just relax and stop assuming that was the intended message. While I do think the ad should have been portrayed differently it is not an ad to roofey someone and have your way. An ad like this is meant to strike the imagination and imagine a scenario of being out with friends but this just shows how sex oriented all of those who took it as an ad for date rape are. So maybe society minded people need to reevaluate what their base thoughts are. MERRY CHRISTMAS and Blessings to all.

  32. Ivan says:

    So your argument is 'unless you're female, you have no right to wonder why Bloomingdales would intentionally make an ad that promotes date rape, as opposed to just cluelessly not thinking through the full implications of the ad''?

    Sorry, but no. Reason isn't gender exclusive.

  33. a woman raping a man, a mam raping a man, or a woman raping a woman would all be equally offensive… in what world is it ok to give anyone drugs or alcohol without their knowledge???

  34. Bob says:

    Although, to be fair, the models in this picture were photographed far away in distance and time from whoever came up with the tagline. The advertisers found the picture they wanted, and then slapped on this logo.

  35. Harry says:

    only committing to the holidays, interesting…

  36. Munch Macoochie says:

    The ad says best friend. Is there an epidemic of best friends raping each other? The ad was meant to be whimsical for all of you "outraged" people who don't have the ability to think in context.

  37. Ryan says:

    Was the ad a bad choice, yes. Can the implication be made that the man is going to rape the woman, yeah it can. But I don’t believe that Bloomingdales meant it to be that. I don’t believe they were sitting in a room and said you know what, that promotes rape, let’s do it. They obviously didn’t see the connection to spiking eggnog with rape. Not many would take it there. So when it gets put out and people show them that, they did the proper thing and apologized for it. Your wanting blood for a bad decision, One we as humans will all make, seems wasted and ill advised. Use that fire and energy on people who purposely attack others; either with their words or actions. If Bloomingdales stood by the ad after it was brought to their attention that would be something. But they immediately apologized.

    The rape culture is real but let’s apply blame where it really should be applied. My two cents.

  38. Danielle says:

    Personally, I think people are reaching way too far on this! And before anyone says “Oh, you don’t know what it’s like to go thru some sexual tragedy!”, lemme just let you know, that I do. I was molested almost daily for several years of my life as a child. It was a horrible thing to go thru, but I lived. So I think I’m qualified to speak on this issue.

    I don’t see how this ad is, on any way, shape, or form, promoting rape. Maybe in biased tho. My best friend is a guy. He is also my boyfriend. But even before we were dating, we were best friends. Now, neither of us ever spiked the other’s egg nog, but even if we had, I don’t see how that has anything to do with rape. The ad is talking about spiking your best friend’s drink, not roofy-ing a stranger’s drink. BIG difference. But here’s what really gets me… If he were the one facing away, and she had that guilty grin, would anyone even say anything???? My guess is not near as many. Even if the ad was distasteful, it isn’t nearly the tragedy people are making it out to be. So let’s stop crying over a billboard sign, and turn our eyes to all the homeless people on the street. Instead of spending time and energy trying to change this ad, how about we do something to change the life odd someone who needs it. Just a thought….

  39. AVO says:

    I support this comment so much. I doubt the advertisers in the room were all men, and I don't think the goal was to make this a "rape ad". If you look at the color and content, its an ad geared towards women. If so many sex oriented presumptions are being made, why wasn't it presumed that he's was a gay male? That's a very real presumption. I agree that the ad could have been portrayed differently, but to jump to rape out of the gate and to make accusations and presumptions against those who made the ad seems aggressive.

  40. Taylor says:

    When is drugging someone ever okay???????

  41. Kicky says:

    I immediately thought of date rape when I saw this ad, before I read any comments about it. The other scenarios that came to mind are not much better – you want your friend to loosen up because they do not drink for religious reasons; or you have given up on your friend being the designated driver and are now putting your own safety in jeopardy unless you take a cab home.

  42. Sara says:

    I have every right to be upset at this ad. However, would people’s reactions be this strong if the roles were reversed or features two men or two women?

  43. Elaine says:

    Not being much of a media fan, this is the first I had heard or seen this ad.
    I had and have a knee-jerk response. Seeing what a repulsively low frequency this once-upon-a-time fine store has sunk to, my shopping days in such a low place are ended. Hopefully, my entire network of friends will see the light and shop elsewhere.
    Thank you for taking the time to address this topic in such a thoughtful, insightful manner!

  44. Emilio says:

    Uh… Yeah I think you blew this out of perspective. I get that it’s in poor taste, but it does not inherently promote date rape… It might promote drugging a friend, which is similarly uncool, but there’s nothing sexual about this ad. Unless you’re sexualizing the litteral grouping of a man and a woman being friends. The ad is in poor taste, because it’s not cool to drug friends.. But I think, being a fucking dick, that if I were to try to get my best friend drunk… It would be to have a good time… Not to get in there pants.. Best friends are hard to make and I’m pretty sure that by spike, they meant alcohol not roofies, which would imply having fun and getting drunk, not rape. You are simply over analyzing something with a lack of specific content with specific relation to your viewpoint…

  45. Ron says:

    No violence used on any one for any reason ( other then self defense ) is completely unacceptable! It’s not just a ” rape culture ” it’s a VIOLENT “CULTURE”. Where anything goes as long as their in a protected group.

    The whole culture needs to see and eradicate the violence that is at the heart of the “Rape Culture “and finally treating victims of rape/violence better then the criminals.

  46. Let porter says:

    I have a non date rape reason to hate this ad. Making other people intoxicated without their consent just isn’t a whimsical fun holiday thing to do. It’s a stupid childish bullying thing to do. Some may say this is pc policing on the rampage but I fail to see any scenario where it is OK to give people alcohol while they are not looking. This is fine if you’re filming a sequel to the hangover or one of the jackass movies, but for a mainstream department store? Nope.

  47. Art Vandelay says:

    2015: spiking a drink = date rape
    2020: mutually drinking alcohol = date rape
    2025: asking to go on a date = date rape
    2030: looking at another person = date rape
    2035: anything = date rape

    Get real. You are essentially the coffee cup complainer. Stop trying so hard to be pissed off.

  48. Veronica Fulton says:

    Yeah… I didnt get a rapey vibe. I think its one way you could swing it, but you must of wanted to see it. I kinda took it as the girl took her BF to the company Christmas party and he was a stick in the mud, so perk his ass up. Women need to stop this man shaming BS it’s incredibly offensive. Why did you go straight to assuming the dude did it? Is it impossible for you to think a woman could do it to a man? Come on now.

  49. There are too many comments to respond to individually. I've read them all though.
    I hear more from men when I write about rape than any other topic or time I write.
    http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/why-women-

    Am still boycotting Bloomingdale's for this ad.

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