November 28, 2015

The benefit of Letting Go of the Idea of the Perfect Lover.


“You’ll never find the right one if you don’t let go of the wrong one.” ~ Unknown

Sometimes we have to let go of the person we think we should be with—so that we can find the person we are meant to be with.

Love is not a mathematical equation—sometimes one plus one really can equal infinity.

Sometimes, we get confused and bogged down by the falsified ideals of who we think we should be with—we end up missing out on the person we need.

Whether we are fresh out of the gates or have been making tours around the block, we have all developed certain prejudices about what our right kind of love should look like.

Maybe it’s someone who comes from a similar background, someone who has a certain kind of job or even drives a particular kind of car.

Maybe it’s because what we think we need is someone who is a reflection of who we are.

But great love is not all about similar interests and commonalities—the greatest love stories are made up of crazy maddening passionate moments.

Because sometimes it is the person who complements our areas of lacking, who ends up being the best fit.

Love isn’t about being with a person who looks good on paper—real love is the kind that sets the paper on fire, leaving us wondering why we ever made a damn list in the first place.

We can shake our head at this love countless times and tell ourselves repeatedly how wrong they are for us—when in reality, they may actually be quite perfect.

Not because they are flawless—but because their soul calls to ours in a way that is different than any other ever has.

But we can’t move forward until we have said goodbye to our past.

We can’t be in the place to welcome what we need if we haven’t decided to let go of what we thought we wanted.

The irony is, that sometimes what our ego thinks we want actually doesn’t come close to satisfying our body, heart, mind and especially our soul.

Unfortunately, the reality is, sometimes we do get it all wrong.

We choose lovers for all the wrong reasons, only to end up wondering why our love lives are continually chaotic.

Most of our struggles in relationships, are because we have refused to let go of the wrong one.

We didn’t want to give up on who our head thought was a good match for us.

We didn’t want to have to start over or maybe we just didn’t know how to really leave.

Whatever the reason—we experience chaos when we try to hold on to something that is better off ending.

And the truth is, the love who we do need, will always remain.

We won’t have to argue with it or plead for its understanding.

We won’t have to be unsure about their feelings or question their motives.

We won’t even have to give ultimatums or explain ourselves.

Because the love who we need is the very one who will show us why it never worked out with anyone else.

It still won’t be the stuff of fairytales, and there may be bumps or even hairpin turns along the way, but the difference is, this time we won’t be traveling alone.

The person who is good for us, isn’t always the person who we thought we should be with.

It may not make sense, and there may still be a list a mile long of all the questions yet to be answered, but with a love like this, the answers will become clear all too soon.

All of the “why’s and how’s” will simply melt like Swiss chocolate in the palm of our hand, tasting sweet.

The love, who we need in our lives, helping us along our journey, often isn’t the most comfortable.

It’s usually the person who challenges every view we have ever had, who ends up taking our hand and never letting go.

Sometimes, it’s not about crashing down walls—but about someone finally having the key to enter our heart.

The greatest gift we can ever give ourselves, is to let go of the person who we think we should be with.

If we give up the picture perfect person, who seemed like the right fit, we can find the greatest masterpiece of our life.

Nothing is stopping us from moving forward but ourselves.

And anyone who is trying to be free—is meant to be let go.

There comes a time in our life when we have a choice.

Do we want to possess a love with bloody knuckles and fingernail marks from us trying to hold on so tight?

Or, do we want a love who sits in the palm of our open hand, flitting and flying away to experience the world, yet always returning home?

It’s not over until it’s really over, and at any moment, we can decide that this isn’t the ending we wished for.

Sometimes we have to let go to find who is meant to stay.



Love is not Enough.

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/J.K. Califf

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