Relationships may not be easy, but it doesn’t have to be nearly as hard as we make it. With a little scientific support, relationships can get easier and more fun.
In this short blog I offer you a new, scientific model of relating that will light up your love life, your sex life and flip common sense relationship wisdom upside down.
There are four branches of science that offer support to relationships, making relationships itself a science, sort of.
What you need to know about the science of relating:
It is composed of chemistry, biology, physics and astronomy.
Relationship and science are all about experiments. And whether the experiment is a date with someone new, an attempt at hand holding or mixing two chemicals together, it leads to the collection of data and hopefully the discovery of what works and what doesn’t.
While nothing, not even science, will make relationship completely predictable, it can sure come in handy.
Let’s have a look at the four sciences and how you can use them to prove and improve your relationship.
As we all know, chemistry is about mixing stuff together and finding out what happens. That certainly is what relationship is about too.
What sort of reaction do you get when you mix an acid and base, or you and me?
There are three main ways that things combine in chemistry: a solution (until death do us part), a mixture (just friends) and a suspension (we are working on it).
For a relationship to work it needs to progress between these three, beginning as a mixture, evolving to a suspension and finally becoming a solution: where the two of you are so blended together that you are one.
Knowing which of these three stages you are inhabiting contributes greatly to the clarity of relating. Being in a different state of combination than your partner causes heaps of problems.
Chemistry is all about what two elements have in common. You know, whether potassium and sodium both like to play racket ball.
In chemistry, electrons are shared while protons and neutrons remain separate. Another similarity to relationship in which you share some things, and not others.
Chemistry, which so many people talk about regarding relationship, isn’t a deep connection, it is a shallow one. You won’t get far just noticing reactions, but it is a good place to start. Chemistry is about similarities while as the relationship advances it is more about celebrating differences.
And those differences lead to the study of relationship and biology.
Biology is about primal, base drives. It is more likely to grunt than write a sonnet.
Such drives include sex, companionship, bonding and being held.
If you didn’t have to live together in the world, biology would be enough for great relating.
But biology is about evolution, and evolution is about trying really bad ideas and discovering if they are viable.
The sort of relating that biology offers is circumstantial; you enter relationship with whoever is near, and you do so based on something I call attraction patterns.
My attention pattern, the woman my biology really wants, has very small breasts, an equally small bank account, is a victim to life and offers me a chance to be Tarzan to her Jane.
That, of course, isn’t who I can live with, but biology demands that is who I desperately, even addictively am attracted to.
Biology is where you make your mistakes, discover the deep drives within you and the cost of acting in accordance with them. Biology has you, while you are with a perfectly wonderful person, wonder if maybe it isn’t time to have a little romp with someone from another gene pool entirely.
Following the dictates of biology, when it comes to relationship, leads to single parent families and having the sexual criteria of rutting deer.
Biology is best known for ruining relationships, so knowing about it will reveal what you should avoid, which supports you finding your scientific soulmate.
Physics has to do with location and movement.
It is about two objects and their influence on each other. Relationship is about that too.
Proximity, the influence of one object on another dictates that in relationship the likelihood of you marrying your next door neighbor is in inverse proportion to the distance between your houses. I don’t know what that means either, but it sounded good.
But really physics is about you falling for someone you work with or your next door neighbor instead of someone on the other side of Earth. Unless, of course, you aren’t interested in physics and prefer to have someone as far away as they can get (see astronomy).
If you meet someone new and the two of you start out from the same point at different speeds what is the likelihood that the two of you will end up at the altar at the same moment?
You need physics, because the proximity of your feet, and your hearts makes relationship more real: and the consequences of being that close has you live together more in the real world than a theoretical one. Theoretical physics isn’t as severe a contribution to soulmate science as classic physics is.
Theoretical physics, though the current trend, leads to theoretical relationships not to real ones. And while Heisenberg said that you can’t know where your relationship is and where it is going, at the same time, we keep trying. If we listened to him and his uncertainty principle a little more closely we might relax into relationship for the ride of our lives instead of trying to control everything.
Astronomy is about distant objects, and relating is sometimes as well.
Rather than physics, in which the distances are often small, here they are huge. Your partner is on the opposite side of the earth, distant in sexual desire, or politically very far from you.
Astronomical relating ponders the universe, and forgets to take out the garbage. It leaves your soul partner scavenger hunt up to the moon and stars. While astronomy won’t take the garbage out it can certainly mollify biological drives and the necessity that physics puts on closeness in time and space.
Astronomy offers an all important vast perspective, pondering time in light years and fostering endearing timeless trust. Vast perspective, especially during an argument, and a boost of trust anytime, contributes greatly to rewarding relating.
Relating, like the stars, is huge, and was here before you got here. It will be here long after you leave. You can navigate your life on relating, by the stars as mariners do, and the celestial qualities of relating will always work out even if the mundane ones seem to be chaffing right where it hurts.
Science proves your relating.
With all the sciences supporting your relationship it will be a doozy, depend on one and it’s likely you won’t make it to your next anniversary.
Like it or not our culture is based on science, so you may as well use it to enhance and support your relationships, making them flow more freely and be more delightful.
Author: Jerry Stocking
Editor: Travis May