It happened again.

Doesn’t it always sneak up on you, in this sudden, heart-shattering way?

Everything was going so well—so smoothy, so perfectly, life seemed tidy, like all the jagged puzzles pieces made perfect sense, for once.

You were happy, you were living well, smiling like the crescent moon—or so you thought.

Until, suddenly, the whistling winds of November came barging in with wolf-like ferocity and huffed and puffed—and blew down the beautifully decorated house of cards you’ve been living in.

The struggle behind your smile is revealed.

Everything falls apart.

You fall apart.

Thud.

You stand in shock now—cold, shivering, and confused, in the midst of the rusty pile of rubble you used to call home.

All certainties are thrown into question; all guarantees are smashed to smithereens.

The tender breeze snaps through your skin like a paper-thin sweater, reaching all the way to your tender, throbbing heart.

In the harrowing chilliness of a singular windy moment, you are ripped open.

Rawness becomes you.

Your heart hangs out of your chest, like a bouquet of budding flowers being offered to the world.

Without all the lies you’ve been telling yourself to block your eyes—you see the crushing truth of how you’ve been living.

You see things, as they really are.

The veil of illusion has been pierced, the sparkly curtains of fantasy have evaporated, and the truth—well, it ain’t pretty.

But it sure is beautiful, because it’s real.

When you’re lost in darkness and uncertainty—

Remember that it’s okay not to know.

Don’t be in such a hurry to figure it all out and wrap those loose ends with a pretty pink bow.

Don’t dry your tears, let them flow and flow and flow.

There is no rush to reach for shiny answers to appease your racing mind.

There is no rush to get to more certain ground.

Stay there, in the shaky bull’s eye of brimming confusion.

Let question marks fly all around you, like a flock of fluttering birds.

Feel uncertainty polish you up as darkness casts shadows of soulful beauty inside you.

Stay in question.

Answers are powerful, yes—but questions breed juicy truth, which breeds growth, which breeds real, lasting  transformation.

Stay in question.

Maybe that’s the most terrifying thing to do, but it’s the medicine we need.

Yes.

Stay in question.

Because this part, this dark, raw part of the journey—where it seems so tempting to stitch ourselves back up with desperate hands and throw our hearts back into a life of false certainty—it is most important to surrender.

To surrender to the mysterious pain of not knowing.

To surrender to the ripe lips of inky darkness.

To surrender to your own arms.

To surrender to the truths you’ve always avoided.

Use this time to ask yourself those questions you’ve always skirted around—

What do I want?

What do I really need?

Yes—feel those words seep into you, like fresh seeds of howling possibility.

There is time to unfurl those answers slowly, so slowly—breath by breath, letter by letter, moment by moment—until you are full of threads of pure, golden knowing-ness and truth.

But remember, there is no rush for clarity.

When you’re lost in darkness and uncertainty—

Smile, because you’re about to become real.

You’re about to build yourself, brick by brick, tear by tear, dream by dream, with your own two hands.

When you’re lost in darkness and uncertainty—

Breathe between the tears.

All will be figured out.

Right now, this is your spaciousness, your succulent pause—

Your gift to begin again, on your own terms.

 

 

 

More awesome from Sarah:

Stop Chasing Happiness: Be Sad. Be Beautiful. Be Here Now.

Self Care & Courage: Face Yourself. Get Sh*t Done.

 

Author: Sarah Harvey

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Flickr